Monthly Archives: May 2016

What is the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day?

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Every last Monday of May and each November 11 we honor military personnel. On the last Monday of May, Memorial Day, many people have festive celebrations, including barbeques, music, fireworks, dancing and more. Veterans Day is on November 11, and for most people this means a day off of work in America at least for most government workers. However, many people confuse Memorial Day and Veterans Day, or they just do not realize there is a difference between the two days. Both holidays were established to recognize and honor the men and women who have served in the military of the United States of America regardless of branch of service. However, there is a difference for each day’s recognition of military service.

Memorial Day was originally set aside as a day of remembering, honoring military personnel who died serving in the Armed Forces for their country, predominately those who died in battle or due to injuries sustained in battle. Veterans Day also honors those who died in service and is celebrated on November 11. However, Veterans Day is intended to thank and honor all those who honorably serve in the Armed Forces or military during wartime or peacetime. Consequently, Veterans Day is largely intended to thank living Veterans for their service and acknowledge their contributions to our national security.

Photo: Fort Smith National CemeteryFort Smith National Cemetery

Unfortunately, war seems to be a necessary part of living on earth. There is always a battle between opposing views, good versus evil, or real/imaginary rivals. I truly wish there was shalom (peace) throughout the entire universe and I believe we were created to live at peace with each other. Yet, I realize people will always be at war, because the jihad begins in our own souls and is acted out on various levels, including world and civil wars. And, until we love our Creator, ourselves, our children more than we hate our enemies, war is imminent and consistently lurking. Consequently, war brings death, loss and great sacrifice in the name of peace (or perceived/limited peace) and security for our borders.

Did you know? To ensure the sacrifices of America’s fallen heroes are never forgotten, in December 2000, the U.S. Congress passed and the president signed into law “The National Moment of Remembrance Act,” P.L. 106‐579, creating the White House Commission on the National Moment of Remembrance. The commission’s charter is to “encourage the people of the United States to give something back to their country, which provides them so much freedom and opportunity” by encouraging and coordinating commemorations in the United States of Memorial Day and the National Moment of Remembrance. The National Moment of Remembrance encourages all Americans to pause wherever they are at 3 p.m. local time on Memorial Day for a minute of silence to remember and honor those who have died in service to the nation. (Information taken from, ReadWorks.org, Internet Accessed: 30 May 2016, http://www.readworks.org/passages/what-difference-between-veterans-day-and-memorial-day)

I have family members who have served in the Armed Forces for the United States of America, in addition to family members who are currently serving just like you. I am proud and sadden by the sacrifice our military families endure and the service of the military personnel to ensure the freedoms we have in our country. Today, this Memorial Day of 2016, between the eating, dancing, laughter, fun, fireworks, and celebrating, consider pausing for prayer, reflection and remembering those who have died serving in the military for this great nation.

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

 

Is yours a …Healthy, Happy, and Hearty Relationship? Part Two

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If you are on the road to nowhere, find another road. Ashanti proverb

It is worth repeating… I do not know anyone who gets in a relationship thinking, I do not want this relationship or marriage to work out. Most people I know marry with the hopes of until death does us part. However, before getting married, there are always signs, red flags or blatant halt posts many of us fail to see or choose to ignore.

In my first post, I listed five things not to do if you are interested in a healthy, happy and hearty relationship. Following are some more considerations worth eliminating from your interactions with your mate, if you want to work towards happiness.

You Fail to Treat Each Other with Kindness

One of the greatest commandments is loving your neighbor as you love yourself. Often times, we think of a neighbor as someone outside of our home. However, your spouse is your neighbor and there is nothing more important than treating the person you love with care, consideration, compassion, and appreciation. So, if you find yourself showing more kindness to people you hardly know, coworkers, and others more than you show kindness to your partner, take a step back and revisit your priorities. Treat your mate with the utmost kindness.

You Mistrust Each Other

Healthy relationships are built on trust and a commitment to communication, as well as actions without deceptive intentions. Trust is something earned, given and cultivated within a relationship. Actions which even suggest some sort of impropriety ought not have a sit within a healthy, happy and hearty relationship. Trust your mate as their actions warrant, and be worthy of their trust.

You Harbor Wrongs

Your partner will infuriate and sometimes disgust you as you well know. Your partner will sometimes be disgusted by you or your actions, and will be completely annoyed with you as well. So what. Get over it. Communicate, work out the issues at hand and do not let issues fester and infect the relationship. You choose to let wrongs go, or you choose to harbor wrongs and embrace negativity. Let it go…forgive and know that you both are perfect for each other, but imperfect people. Free yourself from hateful and unforgiving, begrudging feelings.

You Do Not Respect Each Other

Aretha Franklin, Gospel and R&B singer came out with a song in 1967 called R.E.S.P.ECT.  In Aretha Franklin’s song, she tells her Boo (man) to find out what it (respect) means to her. Respect, needless to say is vital in a relationship. Respect synonymous for admiration, esteem, deference, high regard for, in awe of, amazement, and wonderment are essential to a happy relationship. If you desire to have a happy and harmonious relationship, you must respect each other. A relationship without respect is doomed for tragic results. Respect your mate as you would love to be respected.

If you are on the road to nowhere, find another road. (Ashanti proverb) In other words, if your relationship is drowning in negativity due to harboring wrongs, disrespect, unkindness, mistrust, lack of communication, lack of intimacy, violence, etc., then ask yourself, do I really want a healthy, happy and hearty relationship? If your answer is no, then you have wasted your time reading this post. If you want to have a healthy, happy and hearty relationship, then the change you desire begins with you. Decide if you love your mate enough to do what is required to live a healthy life together. Otherwise, if you find that you do not want the relationship, love yourself and each other enough to call it a day.

Just DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Are you in a healthy relationship?

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I do not know anyone who gets in a relationship thinking, I do not want this relationship or marriage to work out. Most people I know marry with the hopes of until death does us part.  However, prior to getting married, there are always signs, red flags or blatant halt posts many of us fail to see or choose to ignore. Consequently, when undesirable situations arise, often times we do things to enable or worsen our relationship, even blaming the other person, instead of doing what is required to enhance the relationship or choosing to exit.

After being in more failed relationships than I choose to reveal, I am an expert on what not to do.  There are so many experts who base their advice on their practical application, work experience or textbook knowledge.  Yet, I know what does not work and here are just five of many things, which DO NOT contribute to a healthy, happy and hearty relationship.

You Fail To Speak Your Mind

Relationships flourish when couples freely and honestly express themselves without fear of repercussions. Therefore, no topic is off-limits and each person feels heard and honored even if there is respectful disagreement, i.e., agree to disagree. Consistent, respectful, honest communication is vital to building a lasting, healthy, happy and hearty relationship.  Each person must feel safe to express their thoughts. Speak your mind with respect and listen with respect.

You Lack Personal Space

Being in-love is glorious to say the least, and spending time with you mate is second to none, especially when things are going well.  Yet, taking time to pursue your own interests within the confines of a faithful relationship, keeps your relationship fresh, and gives you an opportunity to grow as a person, while growing as a couple. Time apart is vital for reflection, prayer, mediation, exercise, reading, shopping, etc. Personal space is not a weapon to segregate yourself from your partner or to punish them.  Personal space is a gift to yourself and your mate when used as a time of growth.  Personal space is vital.

You Fight Dirty

Two people decide to marry. Disagreements are inevitable and normal. However, couples in a healthy, happy, and hearty relationship fight about the issue to reach an amicable solution, as oppose to attacking each other.  Attacking each other as if I need to explain, means absolutely no violence, name-calling, put downs or even bringing up a pass incident to use as a weapon against your mate. You must agree to disagree, and you must respect each other’s right to disagree.  If you find yourself needing to apologize, apologize and do it quickly.  Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Fighting Dirty is not an option.

You Expect Your Partner To Change

Keep your eyes wide open when you are dating and see the reality of the individual standing on the opposite side of your relationship.  You must reconcile within yourself that those things you hate or dislike about the other person are ALSO part of what you adore about that person. Please, do not base a marriage on the hope that the other person will change or that some circumstance will change them.  You must come to the realization that the person is perfect for you, (or not) but not a perfect person.  Therefore, accept each other’s great, good, and not-so-good, and value them for who that are right now. You can only change you.

You Do Not Enjoy Each Other

Healthy, happy and hearty relationships are full of laughter and fun. Relationships filled with laughter, humor, fun, doing things together in large and simple ways is fundamental for the well-being of one’s relationship.  Obviously, happiness and giddiness will not be the menu every moment of everyday. However, the converse is true as well. Relationships full of strife, tension, and rigidity are damaging indications, which suggest you are with a negative person.  Take my counsel… flee, run and do not look back, because only continual misery will find you in the mist of relationship possibly never meant to be. Find joy in each other.

Most importantly, if you truly love each other, you will do what is required to find health, happiness and maintain a hearty relationship.  All relationships equipped in true love, faithfulness, honesty and transparency are destined until death does them part. Still, being mindful, watchful and prayerful prior to a commitment will help put couples on a positive trajectory considering the few points mentioned. The choice is always ours, choose wisely. Feast on these points and look for more ways that do not make for a health, happy and hearty relationship.

Doc’s Musings,

Dr. Dee

Easily Distracted

Loving G-d, Loving Self, , , , , , , 
The other day I heard a preacher say, we are not human beings having a spiritual 
experience, but instead we are spiritual beings having a human experience!

Many of us are easily distracted along our journey of life by all the things, which attempt to strangle us each day! When we look around us, the dread, gloom, devastation, darkness, sadness and destruction within this world and our lives can easily cloud our vision and hinder our thinking and doing. Many of us are stuck regretting our past mistakes and choices. Yet, for those of us who realize our time is limited on planet earth, and that we are ONLY passing through, our focus is or should be on the hope we have in Messiah’s love as spiritual beings and the restoration He provides.

In 2009, my heart and dreams were shattered once again. At the apex of this drama, I literally felt as if I would never heal and would grow into an old wither spinster.  Even today, remnants of this past ordeal attempt to torture my soul. Nevertheless, as G-d continues to put the pieces of my life back together, in spite of the worldly stresses, life is great! My blessings outweigh the things of my past, as well as any current negativity, which surrounds me daily. G-d is bringing new people and new experiences in my life; and my faithful family members and friends are still there filling my days with much love and joy! Each day I choose to grow and not wallow in past blunders or catastrophes. Each day I attempt to remember I am a spiritual being having a human experience and subject to faults and mistakes.

Therefore, my encouragement to you as you read this message, stop whining and complaining, about days long gone, release and let it go.  Praise G-d for what He has done, for what He will do, and just because HE IS G-D! If we could really believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, then maybe our perspective would have a higher focus and our lives directed toward love and goodness. Is this a lofty goal? Totally! Yet, what is the alternative? To worry about tomorrow, regret the past, and be miserable in the present? I have been there, done that, and have the T-shirt with the logo!

Life has taught me that our horrible situations can be the greatest lessons for our growth and productivity.  Our greatest life lessons put us in a position to help others.  Ultimately, whether you believe in G-d the Creator, or not, the choice is always ours.  We can either wallow in self-regret, self-destruction and shame, or we can walk in forgiveness of ourselves and others embracing life’s new adventures and opportunities. How will you choose to live?

Life is way too short! And, if you have gotten to this point in my blog, you still have time to enjoy whatever time you have left! Please, don’t waste time looking back and wishing things could have been different.  You are not going backwards. You are going forward. However, you must actively choose how you will live or exist.  Be encouraged in the L-rd! Love Him with all your heart, soul and mind, and then love your neighbor, with a determination and commitment to do those things, which are pleasing to Him! If G-d is not your focus, figure out a way to let go of all negativity from your past/present and embrace a more upbeat positive attitude.

Honestly, many of us love to wallow, complain and whine about our past and we refuse to let go of hurts.  Today, I challenge you to let go of any hurts, drama, trauma from yester-year and look for the positive, excellent, spectacular in the small and the large things in your life.  Choose to live healthier and happier for the rest of your life. Believe you are a spiritual being having a human experience and with the help of G-d you can get beyond being easily distracted by previous blunders. 

DocsMusings