Note: I was looking at some of my old posts and felt this one was worth posting again with some new additions. If you find this post worthy of sharing, please share.

Recently, I found a 2009 journal of mine as I was watching my grandson.  As I began reading “my-history”, I was amazed at how far G-D has brought me!  Those of you, who know me very well, have some sense of the horrific pain, I endured because of a martial separation and eventual divorce, which began to unfold from many years prior, with the official separation on July 25, 2009.

However, this blog is not to bring up the past in any negative way!  The purpose of this writing is to praise G-D for how far He has brought me, and to thank Him for His healing love!  As I read my thoughts from the past, truly emotional vomit, I am astonished at how depressed and miserable I was at that time in my life.  Some of my entries seemed as though I was reading about a strange woman I had never met. Some of the entries of events were of things I do not even remember!  Imagine that! When G-d does a trans-formative work in our hearts, we truly will forget some of the horrific things we may have endured.

My heart was so very broken during that period in my life, I could not see the new beginning and the new life G-D had waiting for me!  All I saw was misery, pain, sadness, gloom and doom!  When I became single again, I was so scared, and worried about everything that my head, heart and body ached what seemed like all of the time.  Yet, few knew of the great agony oozing in my soul for so many months, because I hid behind my smiles, laughs, my false exterior.  There was no need to carry my hurt for the world to see….because the world could not help me nor did the world care.  Nor did I want to be the topic of gossip, so I appeared okay as my heart bled living my shattered world again.

Then, as time progressed, I sensed G-d telling me to get it together, lose weight, prepare for the husband He was sending and prepare for ministry.  So slowing, I began to date, work on my weight, and spend time in prayer and writing in my journal. Now, I feel great, still working on my weight, and I am ready for G-D’s choice (husband) to step into my life.  I am also ready for ministry, as G-D has concretely demonstrated to me that He has made me that Proverbs 31 woman by His Spirit in spite of my many sins and errors!  Am I perfect, far from it…but I am ready to be what He has destined for me to be.

In closing, I read a quote from David Bryant’s book, Messengers of Hope…. to hope in G-D is not to escape from reality; rather it is to have the courage to look reality straight in the eyes.  The MOMENT we hold is not our final in Mashiach (Messiah)!  This quote is so profound, because no hurt or situation is greater than the healing, restorative and redemptive work of our Almighty… There is healing, newness and wholeness in our Savior, if we hold onto Him during our times of difficulty, and remember Him when as we are holding unto His promises for those who trust in Him.

Please know and believe that G-D will be with you as you go through whatever it is that may be weighting heavy on your heart as you read this blog.  He will see you through. He does hear our prayers.  I am so happy that I serve the Living G-D whose arms are not too short to save His people or His ear deaf to our cries!

Be encouraged today and know that this moment is not your final destination in Messiah, nor are you defined by your circumstances. This truly will pass. However, you decide if you will BETTER or BITTER on the other side of your drama. Did you notice one “letter” determines your heart-condition!

The choice is always ours.

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee