Tag Archives: Faith

Prayer for Us

mighty-arms

You, L-rd, will keep the needy safe and will protect us forever from the wicked,
who freely strut about when what is vile is honored by the human race.

Psalm 12: 7-8

Dear Abba,

Your Word is true and You are not like any human that is fearful, lies, full of pride, sin and arrogance. We oftentimes justify our sins, excuse our laziness, and our personal gods are the bedfellows we cuddle up to night after night, day after day. Unfortunately, we often do that which we know is wrong, and fail to do that which is right. We so many times elevate our needs over others and strut about in self-righteousness as a peacock wooing a mate. Abba, many of our ways are devoid of purity, and yet, we say we are good, we are decent; at least some of the times, I am guilty of such. How can we claim goodness and fail to trust, love and act according to the purposes you have laid out for us in your Word?

We delude ourselves and thus, we strive in a fog of self-idolatry and misconception! We esteem personal needs, goals and desires over You and for that we are surrounded by the vileness of that reality. Yet, You have provided the light of Yourself, which is the bridge from emptiness, vileness, deceit and more, into the purity of You! You are the only true hope for our longing souls.

The local and the world news is littered with the depravity of humanities’ failures and preferences for evil. Our society is infected with violence and confusion which gnaws at the depths of our souls, and attempts to confuse and darken our journey. These are my musings, Abba; but, again, You are there…always there! You beckon us into Your perfect peace through Your perfect patience, and Your perfect love to return to You and receive the ultimate gift of prosperity…. You and YOU alone!

prayer-with-roots Help us, help me, my family, my friends, my enemies, those reading this blog to see, hear and respond to Your calling, Your wooing. Let Your voice thunderously permeate our souls turning us from darkness and despair… to YOU, the perfect protector, and lover of our souls. Profoundly help us to see, and hear, and respond in ways which provide You pleasure. Help us to remember, we were created for Your glory!

The days are extremely dark with violence, wickedness and mayhem continuously nipping at us and for some of us, dulling our senses! Yet, YOU are greater than the oppression, depression, destruction and mayhem plaguing our society. Aid us in truly believing in Your greatness and love for us, and Your desire for us to live an abundant life in You!

Thank you for Your Word, Your Faithfulness, Your love, Your Son, Your Spirit, Your Protection, Your Provision, Your Providence, Your forgiveness! Thank you for being You!

I love you, Abba,

drdee

Hand of G-d

September 17, 2016Loving G-d, Loving Selfblog, Coaching, Faith, Loving G-D, musings, spiritualityDee

When I was working on my Masters at Luther Rice Seminary, one of my professors insisted we memorize Psalm 139 as one of the requirements for the course. Later, during my quiet time, I was compelled to reread and pray this Psalm. Briefly, let me share one of my impressions.

Psalm 139 is a profound psalm, which speaks to the sovereignty of G-d, i.e., He is all-knowing and ever-present! He is subject over all things and all things are subject unto Him. There are several lessons we can draw from this particular Psalm, but for the purposes of this piece, I want to focus on the hand of G-d. If you read vs. 7-12, you will notice that David’s first response was to flee or run runner-female from G-d. Nevertheless, where could he hide for wherever he went, G-d was there! However, in v 10, David realized that G-d is not trying to entrap Him, but to lead Him into His presence.

So it is with us! Many of us feel whether justified or not, that we are trapped in negative situations and/or conditions irrespective of the source of the negativity. Our first impulse similar to King David is to flee, run, escape, hide, or take flight without consulting or seeking G-d’s will. Often times, we look only at the natural circumstances, and fail to see G-d’s hand in the mix! And, if you are a believer in G-d, with faith in Mashiach, (Messiah), then G-d is in the mix!

Therefore, like David, we need to focus on the hand of G-d ,and follow His directive in whatever situation envelops us, and from there, do what G-d says to do! This is extremely heart difficult at times, because it means dying to self, and living unto Mashiach. However, if we could only remember that it is G-d’s love, which draws us to Him, and that He will use whatever He feels necessary to get our attention; we would weather pessimistic conditions in our life a lot fairer.

Ultimately, our response is to notice and obey His leading. Living in this world is tough sometimes, but in Mashiach, we can be assured that His hand is leading us and not entrapping us! Therefore, be encouraged, persevere, persist in loving G-d and others, and prove your faith by good works, study His Word, and share the message of our Savior. Finally, know that G-d loves you and desires your/our undivided attention.

mountain

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Uncertainty

September 11, 2016Loving G-d, Loving Selfblog, Faith, health, Loving G-D, Loving Self, musings, my design, spirituality, ThinkingDee

My L-rd* G-d, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor, do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean I am actually doing so. But, I believe that the desire to please you, does, in fact, please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And, I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. (Prayer composed by Thomas Merton, a Trappist Monk)

Recently, I was watching an episode of West Wing on Netflix, and I heard one of the characters in the program paraphrase the prayer above. I was captivated by the prayer and decided to find out if the prayer was fiction or if in fact, had someone really composed this prayer. In the Netflix version, the character says, I always don’t know the right thing to do, L-rd, but, I think the fact that I want to please you pleases you.

This prayer is very intriguing, because it speaks to our weaknesses and our heart motives as believers in the Most High G-d. I find it very interesting that life is often challenging and difficult at best; and yet, most fulfilling as well. And, still, often times we, at least me, has no idea where I am going. My desires and dreams seem to keep pointing me in a certain direction, but the course and the ultimate goal is an uncertainty.

Many might say this sentiment exudes a lack of faith, determination, a certain grit, if you will. And, though dreams, desires and goals are necessary and a productive force as we travel this life, the end results, prior to the end results are completely unknown with absolute certainty! I propose that if the end were absolutely known, the entire sense of celebration during the process and at the end, as well as the need for faith would be a waste of time.

G-d, however, did not call us to know exactly how things would turn out in this life with utter cast-iron certainty. goals-pic He did call us to trust Him with our dreams, desires, needs and/or goals. He has called us to love Him with the desire to please Him, even in our uncertainty of what lies ahead.

I believe in G-d and choose to embrace His subjection over me. He has proven His love, provision, protection over and over again in my life, the life of my family, friends and even those I do not know or dislike. The fact that you are reading this blog, proves that you are still here for a reason. Now, you may not believe in the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Yeshua, but irrespective of that point, He is subject over all things and all things are subject under Him.

My point, as a G-d fearer, I feel all the things the Word of G-d tells me not to feel at times. Yet, my true heart’s desire is to please G-d and be an imitator of Yeshua (Jesus). My flesh is weak, and though He is greater in me than he who is in the world, more times than not, my weakness rules! And, yet I always desire to please Adonai (L-rd). My desire is to please Him and to do His will.

When Thomas Merton wrote this prayer, supposedly he was in a dark place. I have experienced many dark places, and sometimes darkness still nudges at my soul as I navigate this life. Many of us understand the depths of darkness, and yet, we grapple for light-bridge the light knowing it is our only hope of salvation in this life, and the life to come. G-d who sees all and does whatever He pleases (Ps. 115:3), I believe, understands us far beyond our ability to understand ourselves – thus our need for a Savior. Merton’s prayer exudes a sense of pure humility and dependence on the Creator for guidance in all matters of life, as well as a plea for understanding his motives.

We sometimes exemplify our false sense of being in control to no avail; and, thus, we are amazed when things go awry in our lives. For those of us calling ourselves believers, whether it is by the name Christian, Messianic, Followers of the Way, G-d Fearers, Believers or some other name, our first response is to love Him and desire to please Him.

So today, as I ramble on and deeply consider the nuances of this prayer, I ask you to do the same. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place this morning, because I don’t know for certain where I’m going, but I do know WHO to put my trust in.

#JustMusing

Dr. Dee

Note two things:

The “o” is missing for G-d and L-rd as a sign of respect and honor, for He is the Most Holy G-d, the One true One, the Creator, and Sustainer of the universe, and He is the Uncaused Cause. By leaving the “o” out of G-d and/or L-rd, it makes the distinction that I am not speaking of an idol, or any other entity, which uses the name “god”. This writer is referring to the one true G-d who revealed Himself to Moses as the I AM. In addition, it is my belief this is one of the ways, I can fulfill the first commandment. The first commandment commanded believers to honor the L-rd’s name. Therefore, by eliminating the “o”, His name (HaShem, G-d) is honored, if the paper were thrown away, burned or destroyed in some manner, as well as for the benefit of online readers. It is this author’s intention to honor G-d in every area, in traditional and non-traditional ways as directed and led by G-d’s Breath – the Holy Spirit.
Photos taken from Fresh Paint and program purchased.

Tips For Marriage Counseling Success

July 2, 2016Relationshipsblog, Coaching, couples, Faith, health, love, Loving G-D, Loving Self, Marriage, musings, Relationships, Romance, self-development, ThinkingDee

Has your marriage hit a brick wall? Are your attempts at solving conflict seem futile? If so, then counseling may be one of your answers. However, going to marriage counseling is not just about showing up and sitting down. Counseling success is hinged on active engagement, honesty and transparency. Therefore, in order for marriage counseling to have the best chances for your success, here are some tips.

List the reasons why you need to speak to a third person. Are you having communication issues, intimacy issues, financial issues, etc. Clarify and write down your reason(s) prior to your first counseling session. Be sure to interview several marriage counselors or coaches and select someone you both feel comfortable with and someone who is committed to your success. If you are a Messianic/Christian couple, select someone who has the same biblical mindset.
Set goals for the marriage. For Example: we both want to save our marriage, we want to better communicate with each other, we want to respect each other’s differences, etc. Again, be clear on the reason(s) as to why you are seeking counseling. Ensure that both partners are still interested in saving the marriage, and there isn’t a desire for a separation or divorce.
Commit to the process for at least 6 months to a year in order to give yourselves the full opportunity of working out issues. Sometimes issues are related to childhood baggage and/or unresolved hurts from previous relationships. Committing to the process will ensure you get to the root of the problem so healing can transpired.
Do not threaten separation or divorce during the time of counseling to which both of you have committed. Any threats of divorce will certainly undermine the success of the counseling.
Be ready to take responsibility for your part in the marriage difficulties. Be accountable and willing to ask forgiveness and work on improving self. It is essential that you are willing to change personally for the better. Think about the accusations your spouse makes consistently concerning your behavior during an argument or whenever. If those comments are the same, then consider your words and behavior, which may need to change, or attempt to understand why your response is irritated by your behavior.
Do not complain or speak negatively about your spouse to others, especially during the counseling period. Give yourself the best opportunity to reconcile differences within the marriage. Sometimes, people, especially friends will interject negativity into the situation, which could include advice to leave to give up on the marriage. This will weaken the reconciliation process, if not destroy any chances of resolution. If you must speak to someone, make sure it is someone who will fully support your efforts, and desires the best for you and your spouse.
Prior to meeting with your coach or counselor, do not tell your spouse what to say during your counseling sessions. Remember, the only way to healing is through complete honesty and transparency. There is no need to feel embarrassed during a session with your coach or counselor. They are there to help.
Make counseling sessions and the homework a priority. Counseling is only as good as the work each person is willing to put in to grow individually and as a couple.
Realize there is no over-night cure. Again, stick with your obligation to go through counseling and be willing to honestly look at your great, good and awful behaviors, commit to change, and commit to the process.

Challenges within a marriage are par for the course. However, couples who truly love each other and are committed to each other can overcome grievances and challenges, and enjoy their lives together. Choosing someone to journey with you as a couple can be one of the answers to your difficulties. Yet, as a couple, you have to be willing to put forth the effort to heal the wounded areas in your relationship. The choice is always yours.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

Anger’s Fury

June 19, 2016Health and Wellness, Loving G-d, Loving Selfblog, couples, Faith, health, love, Loving G-D, Marriage, self-development, spirituality, ThinkingDee

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins. Proverbs 29:22

Have you ever been angry? I know, it is a silly question, because every human being has experienced anger at some point in their life. Anger is a feeling of great or excessive displeasure, hostility, indignation, exasperation or wrath according to Webster’s Dictionary, but you that. Yet, let me remind you that some folks thrive in their anger and enjoy its comfort. Anger allows some people to express themselves by shouting, yelling, cussing, pouting, hitting, and/or stomping. Still others use anger to express “true” matters of the heart, and use it as a time to put others down through falsely induced courage. Anger allows many to control, dominate, govern and manipulate. Anger’ fury instills fear, unrest, discomfort, nervousness, strife, division. Anger can promote self-idolatry and lowers esteem in others. Anger can be inwardly manifested from very mild as in moodiness, or inwardly violent such as self-hatred, condemnation and more. Anger can be very extreme as in torture, bullying and murder. Anger affects every cell in the body.

Anger or rage is the womb for past hurts, bitterness, malice, disease, lust, envy, death and destruction. Anger that isn’t of G-D will fester and ooze into every area of life killing victims through unkind words, and/or deeds that destroy and undermine relationships. Anger’s fury justifies self-righteousness, self-delusion, hardness of the heart, hypocrisy alienation and religious fanatical behaviors. Unmanaged and/or ungodly anger kills, steals, destroys and imprisons the soul of the its unsuspecting or suspecting prey and the angry individual. Anger, i.e., uncontrolled, ung-odly behavior is a crippling poisoning emotion. Anger, finally, wreaks havoc in homes, marriages, relationships and most importantly, ung-dly anger thwarts the purposes of G-D in the life of the believer.

The deadly impact of ung-dly anger is too exhaustive for this piece, and the psyche of the angry individual is beyond my expertise. However, the power and destruction of angry individuals is obviously evident in our personal and public lives. The media is littered with violent acts perpetrated on victims daily and literally from all over the world. Social media, emails, text messages, etc., vomits its share of violent acts disseminated on others as well.

Each and every person has experienced feelings of anger mild or otherwise, even Adonai in both the Original and Renewed Covenant (Bible) displayed anger. In the Renewed Covenant, Yeshua (Jesus) got angry with the Pharisees due to their lack of compassion for the man with the crippled hand. Those religious leaders were more concern with the legality of the Shabbat (Sabbath) over the true meaning of the Shabbat, which in this case was the healing of the man, which ultimately gave him (the man with the crippled hand) his Shabbat. Yeshua was also furious with the money changers, who were dishonoring the temple of His Father. Yet, in all of His fury, He was without wickedness. Yeshua never attacked the person, but the debauchery that affected them and the community. His anger was evident, but not at the expense of destroying or attempting to destroy the soul of the person. If you believe in the works He did, then this point should be obvious. Otherwise, why would he come to give His life for our life’s liberty, joy and fulfillment through Him?

We should operate in love, even when we are angry with one another, especially towards our spouses and loved ones. And, yes we all get angry! I get angry! You get angry. Look around, the results of angry individuals hurts our communities. Sometimes, even living on planet earth can be angry experience. Do I need to list all the evil things which attempt and/or find their way into our lives? Yet, in all our anger, we have to attempt to response in ways, which attack the issue(s) and not the individual(s). We have to find ways to be kind and compassionate to one another and put away any destructive anger. Ung-dly anger is extremely damaging and promotes all kinds of “deaths”. As Thomas Kepis stated, All men desire peace, but few desire the things that make for peace.

Today, consider your immediate arena, and think about those things which infuriate you. Seek to put away your anger or if expressed try to deal with just the issue(s) and not attack the character of your spouse, friend, child, etc. If you are a believer in Messiah, then seek His counsel through prayer, His Word and others . If you are not a believer, then seek help from someone you trust or through books or counseling if anger consumes you more times than not.

I am a believer and I lived with a very angry person for many years. Unfortunately, the anger and emotional violence destroyed the relationship, and wreaked havoc on our family. In our case, anger’s fury destroyed our relationship. We failed and fell prey to the destructive nature of ung-dly uncontrolled rage. Yet, you do not have to be a victim of your anger or the anger of a loved one. Seek G-D, get help and learn to live a life of love. The effort is worth the Shalom (peace).

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

86 Loving Ways to Care

June 9, 2016Relationshipsblog, Faith, Husband, love, Loving G-D, Loving Self, Marriage, RelationshipsDee

Happy and loving marriages require loving and positive actions. Most woman, I would imagine want to enjoy their husbands! Who want to toil in an arduous relationship? The answer is obvious! In relationships, especially marriages, there are many ways to encourage your husband, which will build him up and contribute to a happier life together. It is my contention that a loving wife can easily encourage her husband. A wife’s approval is powerfully vital, and applying the following steps consistently will make a positive difference in your marriage. Listed below are just 86 ways to inspire and encourage your spouse.

Communicate with him respectfully
Respond to him gently
Let him know how important he is to you
Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree
Let go of the small stuff
Ask for his help
Let him help and protect you
Tell him you love him
Tell him you like him
Tell him you respect him
Tell him he is the greatest person in your life
Give him space for hobbies or quiet time
Let him know how much you appreciate him
Show him that your respect him and trust him
When you go out on dates, do not bring up negative issues or problems
Focus your attention on the great things he does right
Show interest in what he feels is important in life
Show him that you enjoy spending time alone
Be happy and positive when he comes home
Do not allow any family member or friend to treat him disrespectfully
Defend him to any family member who attempts to dishonor him
Compliment his efforts above his performance
Seek his advice when you seek challenges
Set and work on goals together
Respect his leadership in the home
Be forgiving when he offends you
Find ways to show him you need him. Men need to be needed.
Do not bombard him with “honey-dos”
Quickly admit your mistakes and ask for forgiveness
Rub his feet, neck, and shoulders when he is stressed
When he wants to talk, actively listen and ask questions
Tell him you are proud of him
Give advice in a loving manner and do not nag
Reserve energy for intimacy
Praise him for being a good man
Text him love notes during the day
Leave him a sweet voice mail
Brag about him to others even if he is not there
Share your feelings in a concise way
Tell him 3 things you appreciate about him and why
Honor him and show respect in front of others
Help him accomplish his family and personal goals
Give him space if he is in a bad mood or doesn’t want to talk
Don’t compare him to others, especially in a negative way
Tell him thank you for the special things his does
Write “I love you” across the bathroom mirror
Leave love notes for him to find
Work to get rid of the negative things he does not like about you
Do not expect him to notice everything you do
Consult him before making important plans
Let him sleep in when possible
Do not criticize his intelligence
Initiate sex sometimes
Get to the point during discussions
Wink at him when you are across the room in public
Smile at him often
Give him the benefit of the doubt in all situations
Try not to quarrel over words
Do not call him out of his name during arguments
Attack the issue(s) not him
Be kind and polite to him
Stick to financial goals and do not sneak purchases behind his back
Do not blame him for everything that goes wrong
When he blows it, don’t throw it back up in his face
Be understanding
Never argue over money – figure it out in a respectful way
Hold his hand when out in public
Snuggle close when possible
Don’t expect him to read your mind – tell him what you need, think and/or want
Check with him before you throw anything of his away
Work to stay in shape
When you are angry, do not give him the silent treatment
Look your best, especially when out in public
Be his best cheer leader
Acknowledge his successes in everyday situations
Focus on his positives
Patiently show how you need him to love you
Encourage healthy eating
Thank him for being who he is
Enjoy all the time you have with him
Remember to keep humor alive in the relationship
Do things he likes sometimes without grumbling
Plan a romantic dinner or trip for the two of you to a place he loves
Cook his favorite meal and serve him while he sits
Treat him like a king – royal, special and beloved
If you believe in prayer, pray for him consistently

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Just Musing

June 4, 2016Loving Selfblog, Coaching, Faith, health, love, Loving G-D, Loving Self, musings, Relationships, spirituality, ThinkingDee

Just sitting here listening to “Shadows” by Lindsey Stirling sipping on a glass of red wine and thinking about you, my reader. Here in Georgia it is a gorgeous Sunday afternoon with the temperatures around 71 degrees with light winds. A perfect afternoon for writing! I am so blessed that I get to share my thoughts with you.

Today, I feel grateful for my life, my children, my family, my career, my triumphs, challenges and even failures. This morning I woke up thinking about how unbelievably fast my life has reached this point and how much time I have wasted on whatever. Like so many, I have allowed myself to wallow in the quicksand of regret, and shame sinking to lows I never deemed possible. But, today, as I look out of my study window writing to you, I am reminded of all the beauty that life still holds for me and for you.

It is so easy to whine, complain, and gripe, and so easy to forget about the things in life which are good. Wow, this music is so sweet! It really helps to relax my soul. Let me urge you today, to enjoy each moment of your life and choose to do good and be a blessing to others. As we struggle in the difficulties of life’s drama, there is always someone who has challenges even greater than ourselves. Oftentimes, our thinking perpetuates the negativity of a situation, thus causing us to feel victimized and powerless. Yet, in many situations we can rise above the negativity of our thinking, and begin to grow from dramatic situations and live a healthier life.

Our thoughts are extremely powerful, and unchecked can run rampant causing undesirable behaviors, views, feelings, and even negative physical manifestations in our body. For example, if someone says, I’m stupid and I will never amount to anything, chances are they won’t. Or, I’m so fat, I will never lose weight, then they will never lose weight and they will continue to over eat and stay obese. Finally, a person claims, I will never forgive him/her for what he/she did, and I will never trust another person, then trust will always be a struggle.

Our behavior is directly related to our thoughts. If we have loving thoughts towards ourselves and others, our behavior will be indicative of that. If we have negative or hateful thoughts towards others we will behave likewise. Consider the media and all the violence bombarding society. Clearly, folks do not murder someone because they love them. Terrorist activity, rape, theft, abuse and more is not steeped in love! Our behavior is based on our thoughts. If we love, we demonstrate loving actions towards ourselves and others. The converse is equally true.

Our thoughts stimulate our emotions. Our emotions determine our attitude. Our behavior is based on our attitude. What is attitude? Our approach, belief, thinking, outlook on whatever subject or person we are thinking about. We can choose to think positively or we can choose to think negativity. We can choose to live in regret, shame, remorse or guilt. Or we can choose to forgive ourselves, others and even G-d and learn from the challenges in order to live a healthy and happy life.

Again, I am grateful for all life’s experiences and the freedom to share them with you. Be encouraged today, to enjoy today. Let go of all the negativity which impacts your life and make the decision to control your thinking. Make the decision to relish in the dance of life, which our Creator has bestowed on us. Choose to control your thinking in order to live a life filled with love and gratitude. Choose the light and not the shadow.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

Shadows by Lindsay Stirling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGCsyshUU-A

Easily Distracted

May 1, 2016Loving G-d, Loving Selfdrama, Faith, health, Loving G-D, Loving Self, self-development, spirituality, ThinkingDee

The other day I heard a preacher say, we are not human beings having a spiritual 
experience, but instead we are spiritual beings having a human experience!

Many of us are easily distracted along our journey of life by all the things, which attempt to strangle us each day! When we look around us, the dread, gloom, devastation, darkness, sadness and destruction within this world and our lives can easily cloud our vision and hinder our thinking and doing. Many of us are stuck regretting our past mistakes and choices. Yet, for those of us who realize our time is limited on planet earth, and that we are ONLY passing through, our focus is or should be on the hope we have in Messiah’s love as spiritual beings and the restoration He provides.

In 2009, my heart and dreams were shattered once again. At the apex of this drama, I literally felt as if I would never heal and would grow into an old wither spinster. Even today, remnants of this past ordeal attempt to torture my soul. Nevertheless, as G-d continues to put the pieces of my life back together, in spite of the worldly stresses, life is great! My blessings outweigh the things of my past, as well as any current negativity, which surrounds me daily. G-d is bringing new people and new experiences in my life; and my faithful family members and friends are still there filling my days with much love and joy! Each day I choose to grow and not wallow in past blunders or catastrophes. Each day I attempt to remember I am a spiritual being having a human experience and subject to faults and mistakes.

Therefore, my encouragement to you as you read this message, stop whining and complaining, about days long gone, release and let it go. Praise G-d for what He has done, for what He will do, and just because HE IS G-D! If we could really believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, then maybe our perspective would have a higher focus and our lives directed toward love and goodness. Is this a lofty goal? Totally! Yet, what is the alternative? To worry about tomorrow, regret the past, and be miserable in the present? I have been there, done that, and have the T-shirt with the logo!

Life has taught me that our horrible situations can be the greatest lessons for our growth and productivity. Our greatest life lessons put us in a position to help others. Ultimately, whether you believe in G-d the Creator, or not, the choice is always ours. We can either wallow in self-regret, self-destruction and shame, or we can walk in forgiveness of ourselves and others embracing life’s new adventures and opportunities. How will you choose to live?

Life is way too short! And, if you have gotten to this point in my blog, you still have time to enjoy whatever time you have left! Please, don’t waste time looking back and wishing things could have been different. You are not going backwards. You are going forward. However, you must actively choose how you will live or exist. Be encouraged in the L-rd! Love Him with all your heart, soul and mind, and then love your neighbor, with a determination and commitment to do those things, which are pleasing to Him! If G-d is not your focus, figure out a way to let go of all negativity from your past/present and embrace a more upbeat positive attitude.

Honestly, many of us love to wallow, complain and whine about our past and we refuse to let go of hurts. Today, I challenge you to let go of any hurts, drama, trauma from yester-year and look for the positive, excellent, spectacular in the small and the large things in your life. Choose to live healthier and happier for the rest of your life. Believe you are a spiritual being having a human experience and with the help of G-d you can get beyond being easily distracted by previous blunders.

DocsMusings

Holiday Discovery

April 17, 2016Relationshipsblog, Faith, love, Marriage, Mental Health, musings, Relationships, Romance, spirituality, ThinkingDee

Recently, I watched one of my favorite movies, The Holiday. This movie is about two women from different parts of the world whose relationships have gone awry. In an effort to get over their lovers, they switched houses and their new journeys began. Iris, one of the main characters was in love and involved with her co-worker for over three years. Though their relationship had endured many twists and turns, she never expected the surprised announcement at the company Christmas Party. Her beau got engaged to another woman on staff! Talk about a shocker! Needless to say, Iris was devastated. Her heartbreak led her to accept the offer of Amanda (the other main character) whose live-in male friend had an affair with his co-worker. Both women, victims of cheating male counter-parts embarked on a healing journey.

Iris finally realized during her new adventure that her addictive love towards her co-worker was pathetic, tragic and unproductive. Her beau (Jasper) refused to love her and he used Iris for his sexual self-interest and his career advancements. Iris blinded by her love for Jasper failed to see the role she played in her own heartbreak, until after her holiday quest. In the end, she realized through her new friendships and self-discovery that she had been the best friend with benefits, instead of the leading lady.

This movie reminded me of myself and the mistakes I have made in relationships. Often times I believe we (many of us) see what we want to see, and fail to see or accept the reality of toxic relationships. Like Iris, I have been in-love with a man who failed or would not love me back. And, rather than move on, somehow like Iris, I justified hanging in there to my own detriment. My experiences have taught me valuable lessons I can now pass on to anyone with an ear to hear.

The most powerful line in the movie suggested that she was playing the role of a best friend when really she was or should have been the leading lady. This rang so true, because I believe sometimes, we as women think we are the leading lady in the romance of our life, when in fact the opposite is true. In your beau’s mind you may just be a friend, at the most, a best friend, but simply a friend. If a man only wants sex in private, but fails to recognize you in public, awake O’sleeper and flee! (Read: Steve Harvey’s book – Think like a Man and Act like a Lady). Wow, so how can we move from a pathetic relationship?

First and foremost, it is always about loving self, if you do not believe in the Creator. Otherwise, after your committed love for Him, then we are to love ourselves. How can we love ourselves and then another, if we do not love G-d and understand respect and honor? Knowing one’s desires based on spiritual principles, hopes, desires, and goals are the beginning steps to knowing your worth and then conducting yourself accordingly. To compromise yourself or settle for something that is contrary to your basic core is a disaster waiting to happen. Love yourself enough to be willing to let go of a toxic relationship. Love yourself enough to know you are worthy to have a relationship with someone who will love, honor and respect you back.

love quote So often, I hear women say there are no good men out there, or no one will love them, or all the good men are gone, or I’m not pretty, smart, skinny, whatever enough. Stop it! You are all you believe you are, and if you are thinking negatively about yourself you will draw a negative no-good man in your life. Many men treat women exactly the way they allow them to be treated. Many people in general treat people in ways that we allow. If we want respect, we have to give and demand respect back. If we want to be the leading lady in our beau’s life, we have to be the leading lady and not accept anything less.

We need and desire friends – at least I do! I enjoy the company of both men and women friends. Life without people I can enjoy and confide in outside of my family would be miserable. However, being the first and leading lady in a relationship which could lead to a commitment/marriage is a different matter, and should not be confused by a best friend with benefits affair.

Proverbs 31:10-31 spells out the ideal leading lady. The woman in this biblical verse is far beyond that of pearls and is extremely capable, intelligent and industrious. She understands her self-worth, and she is honored and adored by her husband and children. She manages her business affairs, her household and enjoys her days. She demands respect, because she exemplifies a woman of character, love and spirituality. She is a super woman!

So what is my point? We ought not to underestimate ourselves and give away our dignity and love to a man who is unworthy of our love, because he refuses to love us back. We should be mindful of being a wife to a man who only wants to gratify his selfish needs. Instead, expect the man of your dreams to honor you as the leading lady and treat you as such. Expect love and commitment and do not settle for someone who has baggage from his previous relationship(s) or other life challenges. Do what is required to free yourself from a toxic relationship or toxic thinking.

What is toxic thinking? Toxic thinking is steeped in negative affirmations about yourself, your situation, life in general, and the belief that nothing good will EVER happen to you. Therefore, you feel compelled to take whatever you can get. Toxic thinking and behavior allows us to blindly go along with the flow of a bad relationship until something shocking wakes us from our slumber. Toxic thinking like so many others things is a choice. Choose to believe the best for yourself and have faith that good things and/or a great relationship is for you. Great relationships happen in real life too, not just the movies.

Great relationships begin with being what your desire. Work on loving and respecting yourself as the awesome woman G-d has designed, and then expect the highest form of good in your life. Holiday Discovery is letting go of the negative and embracing the positive experiences of the present. So, what will you choose and what actions will you take?

Just Musing!

Dr. Dee

Interested in learning more about ridding yourself of toxic thinking? Let me recommend, Dr. Caroline’s Leaf book: Switch On Your Brain. I would love to hear your thoughts on this book.

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