Tag Archives: Marriage

Commodities of Choice…

Loving Others, , , , , , , , , , ,

We all make choices each moment of each day. Our choices range from minor to major and consequently, the consequences of those choices are realized whether positive or negative. However, many times when we are in the midst of decision considerations, we may not look far enough into the “future” in an attempt to make a wise decision.

This past Shabbat, I was listening to one of my favorite Rabbi’s, and he mentioned how many of us have regrets regarding our relationships with our children and wish we would have done things differently even as an honorable parent. And, though this may be the case, we have to repent from our errors and move on. Wallowing in self-pity and shame is contrary to G-D’s design of repentance and forgiveness. We have to forgive ourselves and as well as others. I was speaking to a friend on the same subject, and he mentioned that he has thoughts about things he could have done differently, and he was/is a very involved parent with both of his children.

Choices – life or death

Anyway, what about other choices? Marital choices, living accommodations, career choices, friendships, dining pleasures, worship communities and more. All of our choices whether demanding or miniscule equals consequences, positive or negative. This is both a natural and a biblical dictate.

So how do we make wise decisions? The older we get supposedly the wiser we get, goes the saying. However, I have found as a believer in Yeshua, the older I get the more I need His wisdom and guidance; and the less I can or need to lean on my own understanding.  I am clear on the choices I have made, and my current consequences remind me of the lack of wisdom and knowledge I thought I possessed, and as well as the converse. There are many positive and wonderful consequences in my life, as well as not so much.

What do I mean? Examples:

Marriage and family have always been very important to me. Initially, in my naïveté, I thought of marriage in fairy-tale manner. But, as the years have passed and failed relationships have cruelly demonstrated, marriages that are not based in covenant with G-D at the helm, struggle at best or self-destruct. Why? The choices couples make will either strengthen or destroy their marriage, their children, family and/or friends. Strengthened marriages full of love, joy, companionship, understanding, friendship are many times beacons of hope and pleasure for the onlookers, as well as those privileged to thrive in those familial relationships. The converse, unfortunately, is true.

Marriages which wreak of strife, bitterness, dishonesty, selfishness, sarcasm, and resentment are on a fast track to futility and ultimately death (divorce). Who suffers? The marital partners, children, friends, family and others. And, once an individual is standing in the midst of middle or senior years, the consequences of life choices may prove contrary to their hoped desires. 

Unfortunately, like my momma used to say, many folks today have a lack of staying-power. They quit when the going gets tough in their marriages, careers, diets or whatever it might be, because the heat of the struggle weakens or demolishes their resolve. We lack the desire or spiritual-muscle to depend on G-D to help us do our part and have the faith that He will do His part. And, those who do not have a relationship with ABBA usually depend on their own devices, which most times proves inadequate.

So again, all of our decisions matter! 

Where is our hope and resolve with our past, present and future decisions? Our hope is in the L-RD! Our hope is in the L-RD! We hear this all the time in Christendom. However, what does that mean? What does it look like? 

Each person has to answer that question for themselves as they examine their life and take stock of their beliefs, their relationship with the Master, Yeshua, and the practical application of their faith as the Bible instructs. Each person must reconcile their status as a sinner with ABBA according to His plan of salvation in His Word.

I believe this is a process and part of working out our salvation in Yeshua under the direction of His Holy Spirit beyond the verbal acknowledgement of our belief in Him. The basic tenets of our faith must be our foundation, our hope in His coming Kingdom, the presence of His Kingdom on earth and the light of His Kingdom living within us. Further, we must accept and put our faith in His redemptive efforts on the cross and His resurrection. Your celebration of your belief in Yeshua must be based on the Word of G-D and not man’s traditions; as well as we ought to fellowship with our community of siblings in the faith.

We all, myself included, have made decisions which have put us exactly in the place we find ourselves in this current moment. To deny that we did not play a role in our own current circumstances regardless of the positivity or negativity is to deny a basic fundamental truth. We are our consequences as a rule. Remember the rule, not the exception. To think we have innocently moved along in this life is a fallacy worth repentance.

Let’s consider a few examples based on our choices and potential consequences. Fill in the blank per your understanding.

Negative Choices:

  • Treating others with contempt … [fill in the blank].
  • Refusing to provide for self/family … [fill in the blank].
  • Excessive intake of alcohol … [fill in the blank].
  • Experimental or drug addiction … [fill in the blank].
  • Consistent poor food choices … [fill in the blank].
  • Lying, stealing … [fill in the blank].
  • Sex prior to marriage and/or without protection … [fill in the blank].
  • Marriage outside of G-D’s design … [fill in the blank].
  • Divorce … [fill in the blank].
  • Lack of education … [fill in the blank].
  • A life devoid of a relationship with Yeshua as Savior … [fill in the blank].

Positive Choices:

  • Prayer each day and throughout … [fill in the blank].
  • Loving G-D according to the Shema (Deut. 6:4-9) … [fill in the blank].
  • Reading G-D’s Word each day … [fill in the blank].
  • Emulating the Master Yeshua … [fill in the blank].
  • Living faith via practical application … [fill in the blank].
  • Obeying G-D’s teachings … [fill in the blank].
  • Repenting of offenses to G-D and others …. [fill in the blank].
  • Exercising self-control … [fill in the blank].
  • Education (life learner) … [fill in the blank].
  • Treating others with love, kindness and respect … [fill in the blank].
  • Loving and praying for adversaries … [fill in the blank].
  • Strong work ethnic … [fill in the blank].
  • Fighting the good fight of faith … [fill in the blank].
  • Staying power and responsibility … [fill in the blank].

Obviously, either list above is exhaustive. However, regardless of what or who you believe in, we are all passing through this life. Every single one of us is going to leave planet earth by way of the death locomotive. Your money, status, moma, papa, kids, husband, wife, etc., cannot hold us when the death angel arrives. You, me, all of us will have to answer to the stranger of death. What case will your life choices present to the ultimate Judge?

Surely the ONE who has created all things can guide us as we wrestle with decisions.

Therefore, while we have today, let us embrace the love of our Heavenly Father through our Savior Yeshua, and repent of our pasts believing and living as new creations in Him. Let us ask for wisdom, guidance and insights on the decisions we make in every area of our lives. Let us seek the counsel of ABBA before making rash decisions, because we are incapable of fully understanding the consequences of our choices. We have just a little while on earth and infinite years in eternity. Let us be encouraged to trust and believe in our Blessed Hope who holds our today and our tomorrow. 

Be the consequence of your commitment to ABBA, so others will see the best of who you are in Him and be drawn to Him. One of our goals as believers is to live our faith as His hands, His feet and His voice. Seek G-D and He will help you work out your salvation in reconciliation with Him in all areas of your life. Finally, remember to pray for one another including guidance in decision making.  James 5:16

We are the commodities of our choices.

Musings,

Dr. Dee

Note: If you find value in my musings, please feel free to share. Thank you for stopping by today and engaging in my contemplations! May G-D richly bless and keep you!

Men are no good!

Loving Others, , , , , , , ,

Men are no good! They can’t be trusted! Men just want sex! They’re animals! Men are worthless! You don’t need a man to take care of you! The hell with them!

Have you heard such comments from friends, family, and/or co-workers? Have you paid attention to how men are ridiculed in the media, either blatantly or subtlety? I would venture to say we have all heard the aforementioned comments and many more; and we have been entertained by such foolish and degrading comments. Now, before you get tangled in a tizzy, the focus on this blog is about our men; husbands, brothers, sons and/or friends. So don’t go writing me about the injustices inflicted on women. I know all too well about the mistreatment of women, been there and have my graduate degrees with honors on being mistreated!

However, as a mother and grandmother of men, I want to know, why as a society are we hell-bent on demonizing our men! Think about it. The depth of the question is beyond the scope of this blog, but the evidence is all around us via media, within our work places, churches, synagogues and more. Instead of celebrating the great men in our lives who are doing what is required, we dog and degrade them! Should not be!

We have moved so far away from the principles of G-D’s Torah (His teachings, laws) especially in our marriages that many women emasculate or belittle their husbands even sons, either intentionally or unintentionally on a regular basis. Sometimes, emasculation occurs during the dating process leaving some women to wonder, why has the man ghosted them! So, if you do not espouse having a relationship with the Creator through His Son Yeshua, you might want to stop reading.

If you are still reading, marriage is G-D’s design between a biological male and a biological female; and within His design, He decided on the roles for each person…both equal in His sight and joint heirs in Yeshua, but different roles. Read your Bible. (Ephesians 5) However, regardless of one’s position within the marriage husband or wife, BOTH – (I am speaking to believers and followers of Yeshua) are required to love and respect each other, first submitted to G-D and then to each other. Yet, G-D told man to love His wife, because He knew men would struggle with the love part; and He told women to respect their husband and submit to His g-dly leadership, because He, G-d knew women would have difficulty respecting their man if He didn’t do or live up to their expectations.

Admit it! Many of us have extreme difficulty respecting our men/husbands, especially if they are inadequate in some way, including the bedroom. Thus as women, we can speak very harshly to our spouses in ways that wound them deeply, and in a manner which does not bring honor to G-D. G-D expects better from us and with the help of His breath, His Spirit, we can and should do better.

Some of us have been raised under an umbrella of criticism of men, because of negative female experiences. Others, joke about the “stupidity” of men, and are oblivious to how the toxicity of their words hurt men whether spouse, son, or friend. The media slams men due to the liberal notions prevalent in our society, as well as undesirable actions of many men. Now, I get that every man who feels emasculated or small has not been verbally abused by his girlfriend, mother or wife…but that is not the point of this blog. I am again, speaking to women who claim to love and serve G-D; yet, WE have failed in honoring and respecting our men in some cases. And, though in the heat of the moment or in the “fun” of the moment it may seem justified; we are called to always show honor and respect to our men.

A study was conducted in 2014 by a neuropsychologist named Dr. David Lewis. This study demonstrated that men experienced more physiological changes in an emotional experiment than their female counterparts. This study according to the article in healthyway.com, men feel emotions just as much as women, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to societal expectations. Seriously, do we need a study to explain this to us? G-D’s word is clear on the vileness of the tongue and the necessity to love each other. (Ep. 4:29; Prov. 15:1; James 3:2-10) Any feeling or breathing human being is going to experience emotional currents both good and harmful. The expression of such feelings or lack of expression may be different, but emotional feelings are part of being human. My point, contrary to our stance on how men may or may not feel, it is imperative as women of Yeshua that we treat our men with respect.

Listed below are some comments, we make intentionally or unintentionally, especially when we are totally and completely enraged with our spouse, fuming with resentment and/or full of self-righteousness and bitterness. I confess, I have made derogatory remarks to the men I claimed to love. It wasn’t a pretty picture at best! I regret the disrespectful words I spewed in a belittling manner, and I have suffered grave loss because of my sins. Thank G-D for His forgiveness and learning from my mistakes.

Emasculating Actions/Comments:

  • Calling him degrading names. In a loving relationship, there is no room for name calling. Men have feelings too, and to tell a man he has no courage, a loser, etc., because maybe he is not dealing with a situation per your methodology will cause him to feel insignificant as a man. Worst, hit him with derogatory sexual remarks…duck for cover!  (No physical violence of course.) Words bring life or death to the listener. Harsh words are a breeding ground for the evil one to infect the relationship with bitterness, hatred, anger, adultery, and death (divorce).
  • Pointing out his failings. Like us women, men are well aware of their flaws and do not need us to point them out or attempt to change them. In a loving relationship, we have to “love” the things we hate about the person, because part of loving someone is loving the whole person. If something is really an issue, then take the concern to G-D in prayer, and ask Him first to deal with the matter; and then to help you speak in kindness if applicable. And, remember, ladies, we spend an excessive amount of time and billions of dollars per year working on own our flaws. Maybe, we should spend just as much effort working on our inner woman.
  • Rescuing him in a conversation. This might happen in a conversation with others and you jump in, pushing him aside and begin to talk or argue for him. The fact that you intervened may cause him to believe you think he is unable to talk or defend his argument. Let him talk. He is a grown man and does not need a mother. If you are having difficulty keeping quiet, politely excuse yourself and take a moment to pray and adjust.
  • Criticizing him to family/friends. Keep your mouth closed! Personal matters between a husband and wife ought to stay between the couple, bar needing some counselling for a serious matter. Otherwise, criticizing your spouse because he doesn’t put down the toilet seat or eats with his mouth open or whatever, only glorifies that which you hate and makes him look awful to others. The point…don’t badmouth your man! Like momma use to say, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Besides, many times when women badmouth their spouses, long after the couple has made up, others remember and view him less favorably.
  • Humiliating him in public. Arguments are inevitable. Couples disagree. Keep it private. If one argues in public, and the man retorts too loudly, then he could be labeled an abuser or the cops called. If there is arguing in front of the family, dad, brothers or Big Mama, then the issue escalates; and again, others will view him negatively. And, besides ladies, think about your reputation as a follower of Yeshua?

None of us are perfect, but as women who believe in Yeshua, we are commanded to respect our spouses. (Ephesians 5:33) And, though there are many other ways to emasculate or belittle our men, we ought to make a concerted effort to honor and cherish them. When we fail to honor the men in our lives, we ought to ask for forgiveness, even if we have belittled our sons, brothers, or other men.

If you have always honored and respected your spouse and others, then you are blessed and very special. For those who struggle in this area, ask G-D to help you. He is always available to hear our prayers and help us to overcome those sins which easily beset us.

Just saying,

Dr. Dee

My New Book!

Health and Wellness, Loving G-d, Loving Others, , ,

I am so very grateful to all those who helped me to publish this book. It was written in the hopes that people who say they love G-D, would love their spouses, and choose to stay in their relationship. My prayer…you find some word or phrase in this work of love that will bless your heart and then share that with others.

May HaShem richly bless you!

Dr. Dee

Available on Barnes and Noble and Amazon

Ready to call it quits?

Loving G-d, Relationships, , , , , , ,

Ready and eager to call it quits on your marriage? Ready to throw in the towel, because everything isn’t perfect and does not meet your fantastical expectations? Then consider the following.

Lifelong commitment or a covenant marriage is not what most people think! It isn’t waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It isn’t cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep, peacefully every night after making wild passionate love. It’s not a clean home filled with the sounds of laughter each moment or the joyful sounds of children/teens serenely communicating.

Marriage includes but is not limited to someone who steals all the covers and snores! Marriage sometimes includes slammed doors, yelling, and harsh words.  Marriage at least between humans is stubbornly disagreeing, and giving each other the silent treatment, until someone decides to relinquish with hopefully a tender heart.  A tender heart which has healed and desires forgiveness both ways, but also where each person is accountable for their actions.

Marriage is coming home to the same person every day. Yet, coming home to that same person should not be boring or dreaded, but coming home to someone you know loves and cares about you. Loving as I have said so many times, means loving what we hate about the person, because it makes up the whole person. Folks, loving means dying to self and doing your part all the time. Marriage is laughing about all the great and stupid things you did together.

Marriage is about dirty laundry, unmade beds, messing garages, burnt meals and boring sex. Marriage is about the great times and difficult times, sickness and death. A marriage that desires to please G-D is about helping each other with the hard work of life! Marriage is sometimes sacrifice and selflessness. Marriage is about shutting your mouth sometimes, instead of spewing nagging and contentious words! Marriage is about cuddling with your lover when life is crazy and only tears flow, because words cannot express the anguish. Marriage is about making time for each other no matter what and much more.

When the honeymoon is over, sometimes marriage can be challenging. This person you love so much, chooses to make you feel loony tuned, insane, crazy and thoughtless all at once. Loving someone is not easy! But loving someone is worth the energy and time invested. I beseech you, bar abuse; do not give up on your marriage and loving the person you decided to make your lifelong partner. Again, it is well worth the effort and pleases our Father.


Yeshua calls us His bride. He put in love, mercy, forgiveness, sacrifice, effort, time and death, so we may have life in Him. Consider your spouse, if Yeshua delivered so we can have life and steadfastness in Him; certainly, we can extend love, time and effort to our spouses as children of the Most High G-D.

Covenantal marriage means upholding your vow even when you are ready to quit! Think about it. Yeah, you may be ready to quit, but don’t! Seek counsel if needed, but at least attempt to do your part to uphold your vow.

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Crumbs of Love~Crumbs of Hope

Loving Self, , , , , , , , ,

Have you ever loved someone who only throws crumbs of love your way, giving you crumbs of hope? I have, and what a waste of living! Too often as women, we set our sights on a particular man, and our hearts soar with anticipation and expectations. Our hopes and fantasies sometimes blinds our vision and dulls our hearing in the hopes that our love desire will somehow be who and what we think we need, and yearn for in our lives. That’s a mouth full!

We sit by the phone incessantly waiting for a call, text or some other message. We scour our emails to ensure we haven’t missed a note, or we peruse social media. Sometimes, we find excuses to call our love interest, or be available at their beck and call. And, my on my…. when we are finally privileged with their presence, our hearts throb, and we think a piece of heaven has stepped on the scene. And, the scenario repeats over and over. Until…duh, we realize that doing the same thing again and again, i.e., loving someone who chooses not to love us back or has no desire to commit is futile; if not just plain insanity.

The movie “The Holiday” epitomizes a woman who loved someone for several years to finally realize that he did not love her, but wanted to keep her in his life for his purposes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZQV6NjR_bI But, when Iris (the character in the movie) takes a holiday vacation, she realizes that she has essentially been the dog eating the crumbs from her imagined committed partner. As the story evolves, she realizes she is designed to be the leading lady and finally breaks up with her love interest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1CMnZDllDU

Many women want to be the leading lady in their relationship to no avail. So, instead, many of us settle for crumbs of love, which leads to imagined crumbs of hope. These crumbs often lead to a deeper sense of loneliness and despair. We settle for being the best friend at best, or just a tool in someone’s hand. And, so again, the cycle repeats, until we are redeemed from ourselves.

Redeemed from ourselves? Now that is a thought! This feat of redemption is attempted by some through mediation, yoga, spirituality, humanness, religion, hardness of heart, etc. But, others, like myself, look to the One true and only Redeemer who consistently reminds us that He is our TRUE love and He prepares the “Boaz” of our dreams. (Read about Boaz in the Bible, Ruth 2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPevgTJDp7E

Ladies, there is never a short cut when true love is at stake. And, settling for less than G-d’s best, usually spells disaster and emotional violence. I know this from personal experience, and from conversations with many women who have experienced crumbs of love.

Loneliness is a (fill in the blank)! Believe me, when I tell you, I know and I’ve got the first-place award! However, living with g-dly principles, and choosing G-d’s way is so worth the adventure. Has the “right one” found me…not yet. But, he’s headed my way. Can’t wait. But, in the meantime, I’m growing from G-d’s transformative lessons and hoping to encourage others in their relationships.

I’m living life and doing my best to serve G-d, family and friends. If you find yourself settling for second place in the life of a man you are dating, or befriending, and he is not interested in a commitment; stop wasting your time wishing and hoping in a fantasy. Stop settling for crumbs of hope or crumbs of love. Instead, drop and pray! Seek G-d’s comfort, counsel, and ask G-d to send His best.

What are crumbs of love or crumbs of hope? Crumbs…being involved with someone who gives you hints that there might be a future; or he does nice things, and your inference – he’s into me. Maybe he comments that you are so like the type of woman, he would like to spend the rest of his life with…you know the innuendos that men will say in order to either manipulate, or keep you in the loop to serve their purposes. Let’s be real! Men or women will do and say manipulative things to serve their narcissistic appetites, if they are not people who pant after the One and True Living G-d.

Yet, for those of us who desire to live within a covenant marriage; games, lies, manipulations, innuendos, etc. are taboo, and have no place in any loving relationship. Our Savior gave His very best…Himself for His people. This is our example! This is our true love interest!

Start 2017 loving G-d and self, and leave all crumbs for the vacuum.

#Justsaying,

Dr. Dee

Actions Speak

Loving G-d, Loving Others, , , , , , , , , , ,

actions-speak It has often been said that actions speak louder than words. However, is this always the case? I wonder.

Sometimes words speak louder in the form of an email or a letter, yelling, screaming, exhortation, even silence. Sometimes the author’s purpose is lost in the reader’s or listener’s comprehension. Sometimes messages are read with such disdain that the true intent of the author’s purpose is lost. Then again, sometimes words can be used to hide pretentious actions. Hmm– not really sure. Sometimes words seem to speak louder than actions. What do you think?

What I do know, is that if we want others to think we are different or that we have been transformed by the Holy Spirit, then our actions have to look different and gracious, and our words whether written or spoken have to drip with G-dly honey. In other words, if we want others to think we are loving, then we have to act and speak lovingly. If we want others to think we have a pleasant and inviting personality, then we must display this as well. We cannot expect others to see or hear transformation within us, when we act in the very way their criticism suggests.

We all see things fuzzy, even though our pride suggests otherwise, and our arrogance allows us to build walls of self-sustenance. Yet, if we embrace a faith of love and grace, then it is my prayer that G-d shows us our pride and arrogance, and that we have the walk-the-talkcourage to change if need be. Then, maybe, our words, as well as our actions will be steeped in G-dly honey, love, and all the precious goodness as modeled by our Messiah.

As always, it’s our choice.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Enjoy The Process

Health and Wellness, Loving G-d, Loving Self, , , , , , ,

goal

Ever heard the following?

  • Enjoying the process
  • Smelling the roses along the way
  • Comfortable with being uncomfortable
  • Trusting when the end is not near
  • Seeing where only faith leads
  • Prayer were no other path leads
  • Goal achieved now what…

For me, they all mean the same thing…

Recently, I read that achievement seldom produces a sense of lasting happiness as one might think. I can truly attest to this. After receiving my doctorate, I thought I would be so happy, but shortly after graduation, (which by the way, no one could attend), it was really no big deal, and I have considered going back to school, and getting another graduate degree. For me, being in school afforded me a definite sense of purpose, a refuge, a circle of acquaintances, and a goal to work towards. In other words, a sense of direction. I have found, and other experts as well, that once a person finally accomplishes a goal, at least two new goals come along unexpectedly. And, that which we worked so hard to achieve, and chased after for so long, soon becomes the status quo. Yet, our achievement though exhilarating, along with a sense of satisfaction, we are also frustrated and desiring a new adventure or goal. In my case, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand I was excited about earning my degree; yet, I thought and felt…now what? What am I going to do now?

Consider other goals, whether losing weight, getting a promotion, some business venture, exotic vacation or even considering marriage. If you have ever been in love, then, you know about those special moments of euphoria and the fluttering of your heart when you think about that special someone, hear their voice and/or lay your eyes on them! Remember when you couldn’t wait to see them or hear their voice, or how much you hated to say goodbye? Then something began to change, especially after the honeymoon for at least 50% of marriages in this country.

How many of you longed, even ached to get married? Many people who have anxiously anticipated being married to their lover, soul mate, and/or best friend of choice in a blissful ever after scenario, have been devastated by the nightmare they felt trapped in. Once married, they were disillusioned by the difficulties of living with this special someone, and often times fled the relationship. Again, at least 50% of married folks in this country choose to flee their marriages, though some need to flee, many of us are afraid or unwilling to die to self and be a loving spouse. Yet, those who endure to the end tend to thrive through the challenges, and happily live their lives with their mate.

Our goals in life whether reached or not gives us a sense of purpose or at least helps us to feel worthy of this opportunity called life. However, I have found that often times, people are so focused on the goal, that they fail to enjoy the process, or give up when matters get difficult. I have been guilty of this.

Many of us get so focused on the goal, that we fail to enjoy the process or we flee from our purpose in hopes of escaping whatever we find problematic. Yet, in my many years on planet earth, I have come to realize that we/I must enjoy the process in all areas of my life, or life is just existing; or in many cases just working to survive and going through the motions.Health500

Now, when it comes to work, I can hang with the best of them. As a matter of information, all the letters behind my name were earned as an adult, raising children, while unemployed, during an extremely challenging marriage(s), during a divorce(s), working full time, deaths of family members, and/or working full time. I know about working, multi-tasking and the like. I mean intimately acquainted with trying to do it all! Even now, as a mature woman working full-time, building a business, co-producing a radio program, writing a book, this blog, etc., more often than not, I feel like the absent-minded professor running around doing it all, yet doing nothing or at least not getting it all accomplished in the manner most effective without sleep deprivation, irritability, stress and the like!

Still, in spite of the challenges or the goals we aim for, I have learned that we must enjoy life along the way. I have found that doing the following things on a consistent basis are extremely helpful for enjoying the process of life as you reach for your goals, after achieving your goals; and then reaching for new or higher goals. We should always strive for higher and worthy goals! This is a biblical principle handed down from Heaven. Therefore, I live by the following and I encourage you to embrace many if not all as well:

  • Daily prayer, reading G-d’s Word, and interaction with like-minded people
  • Sleep/Rest: G-d created the Shabbat (Sabbath) for a reason. He knew many of us would work ourselves into the grave as a result of unbalanced or an obsession to achieve our goals or dreams. Our insistence on embracing sleep-deprivation and lack of rest causes chronic tiredness, illness, irritability, stress and premature death. We need a weekly Shabbat for a reason. Really and truly, sleep will find us whether we like it or not.
  • sabbathHealthy Choices: Sleep/rest is a healthy choice, but also the foods we eat. Choose clean foods, minimize fast foods, processed foods, soda and sugar. You will feel different and be more energetic with mental clarity.
  • Exercise is vital for weight loss, flexibility, stress reduction and more. We need to exercise our bodies to optimally perform each day. Our bodies are the only place we have to live.
  • Celebrate and love others.
  • Be grateful for all things in your life. Celebrate the great and good. Learn from the not-so-good.
  • Help others achieve and grow. Be an example of determination, persistence and generosity.
  • Try to see the good and have a positive attitude.
  • Spend time doing things you enjoy and spend time with family and friends.
  • Laugh, have fun and enjoy being you. Laughter does do the heart, mind, soul good!

live in bodyWorthy goals, dreams, and desires, as well as working towards them have their place. Yet, on the way to success, remember to enjoy life throughout the process. Once you achieve whatever goal(s) you are longing for, enjoy that process and the new goals soon to follow. Again, enjoy wherever you find yourself in life, otherwise, what awaits you on the other side, may be more disappointing than you imagined.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Challenging Relationships

Loving G-d, Loving Self, Relationships, , , , , , , , ,

couple on red couchRelationships can be challenging especially when goals and desires are different, and the marriage lacks love and friendship.  I guess the ultimate goal of being together in a marriage and being happy is determined by the love factor and our determination to get through difficulties which will arise.

Steve Harvey wrote a book, which states, if a man tells you “we are friends” then believe it. This statement for many women may give them the impression that more will come, and possibly more will come down the line, but maybe not. I have spoken to many people who claim their relationship started off as friends, and then they married each other. Their marriage is like being married to their best friend, and they are very happy. Others, have waited for many years for marriage to their special friend to no avail.

As I am writing this blog, I can think of at least two women who dated a man for over 20 years and they never married. Both women desired marriage, but marriage never came. In fact, one woman was with her special friend for over 21 years. They went their separate ways, he found salvation, another woman, and married his new friend within six months.

So my question, how long should a woman wait for a man to ask her to marry him? Now, I can hear many women say, why should she wait? Or, she can ask him? Hum, but, I’m of the mindset, that men should ask women. I admit, I’m old-fashioned and my thinking is based on the Bible – he who finds a wife finds a good thing and finds favor with G-d; but, I also believe, most women would prefer being asked by the love of their life, and not the other way black couplearound. Disagree? Tell me all about it. I would love to hear your opinions.

Anyway, back to my point. Relationships can be challenging, but also invigorating and wonderful. I believe it depends on the willingness of each person to give 100% of their efforts to enjoy the relationship and contribute doing their very best to be the kind of person which makes a loving and positive difference in the relationship. I believe couples have to be very best friends, in addition to being in-love, committed, loyal and G-d fearing to name just a few.

Relationships based on love, true love will stand the test of time.  Issues must  become non-issues when it comes to choosing to do what is required to work things out.  When things are fantastic, great, exciting, and new in a relationship – we know and understand how easy and glorious the flow between a couple can be.  However, when things are strained, stressful, challenging, etc., in those times, love must prevail, if the relationship is going to survive.

In case you forgot, no one is perfect, not me or you.  Therefore, what we bring to the table in a marriage is love and raloneespect, and a willingness to grow; that is, if you love someone and desire to be with them. If not, then single-hood has its advantages as many of us are well aware.  But, at the end of the day, having someone dear and special to navigate through this planet, called life, is worth the effort to be a great mate committed to love, transparency, and understanding towards their spouse.

As I have matured, I have met a lot of people with a lot of money! I mean multi-millionaires! By the way, I’m expecting my millions today in the mail! Seriously!! 

As I was saying, I have met and become acquainted with many rich people, and though their money can buy almost anything, it can’t buy happiness or a stress free marriage.  I know people who are just getting by (financially), but are extremely happy with their life-mate.

Again, my point, relationships can be challenging, but so is everything else at least some things at some point. Our choice…choose to love your spouse, because at the end of the day, we have to decide who and what is most important. As always, you decide…woman man quote

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

My-History

Health and Wellness, Loving G-d, , , , , , , , ,

Recently, I found my journal from 2009 as I was watching my grandson.  As I began reading “my-history”, I was amazed at how far G-d[1] has brought me!  Those of you, who know me very well, have some sense of the horrific pain, I endured because of a martial separation and eventual divorce, which began to unfold from many years earlier, with the official separation on July 25, 2009. past future road sign

However, this blog is not to bring up the past in any negative way!  The purpose of this writing is to praise G-d for how far He has brought me, and to thank Him for His healing love and hopefully to encourage you, my reader!  As I read my thoughts from the past, truly emotional vomit, I am astonished at how depressed and miserable I was at that time in my life.  Some of my entries seemed as though I was reading about a strange woman I had never met. Some of the entries of events were of things I do not even remember!  Imagine that! When G-d does a trans-formative work in our hearts, we truly will forget some of the horrific things we may have endured.

My heart was so very broken during that period in my life, I could not see the new beginning and the new life G-d had waiting for me!  All I saw was misery, pain, sadness, gloom and doom!  When I became single, I was so scared, and worried about everything that my head, heart and body ached what seemed like all the time.  Yet, few knew of the great agony oozing in my soul for so many months, because I hid behind my smiles, laughs, my false exterior.  There was no need to carry my hurt for the world to see….because the world could not help me.  Nor did I want to be the topic of gossip, so I appeared okay as my heart bled living within my shattered world once again. FreshPaint-brokeness

Then, as time passed, I sensed G-d telling me to get it together, lose weight, prepare for the husband He was sending and prepare for ministry.  So slowing, I began to date, work on my weight, and spend time in prayer and writing in my journal. Now, I feel great, I look great, and I am ready for G-d’s choice (husband) to step into my life.  I am also ready for ministry, as G-d has concretely demonstrated to me that He has made me that Proverbs 31 woman by His Spirit in spite of my many sins and errors!  Am I perfect, far from it…but I am ready to be what He has destined for me to be.

In closing, I read a quote from David Bryant’s book, Messengers of Hope…. to hope in G-d is not to escape from reality; rather it is to have the courage to look reality straight in the eyes.  The MOMENT we hold now is not our final destiny in Mashiach (Christ)!  This quote is so profound, because no hurt or situation is greater than the healing, restorative and redemptive work of our Almighty. There is healing, newness and wholeness in our Savior, if we hold onto Him during our times of difficulty, and His promises for those who trust in Him.

Please know and believe that G-d will be with you as you go through whatever it is that may be weighting heavy on your heart as you read this blog.  He will see you through and He does hear our prayers.  He is the Resurrection and the Life. I am so happy that I serve the Living G-d whose arms are not too short to save His people or His ear deaf to our cries!

FreshPaint-resurrection life

Be encouraged today, and know that this moment is not your final destination in Messiah. This truly will pass. However, you decide if you will be better or bitter on the other side of your drama.

The choice is always your call.

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

**********************

[1]The “o” is missing for G-d and L-rd as a sign of respect and honor, for He is the Most Holy G-d, the One True One, the Creator, and Sustainer of the universe, and He is the Uncaused Cause. By leaving the “o” out of G-d and/or L-rd, it makes the distinction that I am not speaking of an idol, or any other entity, which uses the name “god”. This writer is referring to the one true G-d who revealed Himself to Moses as the I AM. In addition, it is my belief this is one of the ways, I can fulfill the first commandment.  The first commandment commanded believers to honor the L-rd’s name. Therefore, by eliminating the “o”, His name (HaShem, G-d) is honored, if the paper were thrown away, burned or destroyed in some manner, as well as for the benefit of online readers to reiterate Who He Is. It is this author’s intention to honor G-d in every area, in traditional and non-traditional ways as directed and led by G-d’s Breath – the Holy Spirit.

Tips For Marriage Counseling Success

Relationships, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FreshPaint white couple

 

 

Has your marriage hit a brick wall? Are your attempts at solving conflict seem futile? If so, then counseling may be one of your answers. However, going to marriage counseling is not just about showing up and sitting down. Counseling success is hinged on active engagement, honesty and transparency. Therefore, in order for marriage counseling to have the best chances for your success, here are some tips.

  1. List the reasons why you need to speak to a third person. Are you having communication issues, intimacy issues, financial issues, etc. Clarify and write down your reason(s) prior to your first counseling session. Be sure to interview several marriage counselors or coaches and select someone you both feel comfortable with and someone who is committed to your success. If you are a Messianic/Christian couple, select someone who has the same biblical mindset.
  2. Set goals for the marriage. For Example: we both want to save our marriage, we want to better communicate with each other, we want to respect each other’s differences, etc. Again, be clear on the reason(s) as to why you are seeking counseling. Ensure that both partners are still interested in saving the marriage, and there isn’t a desire for a separation or divorce.
  3. Commit to the process for at least 6 months to a year in order to give yourselves the full opportunity of working out issues. Sometimes issues are related to childhood baggage and/or unresolved hurts from previous relationships. Committing to the process will ensure you get to the root of the problem so healing can transpired.FreshPaint-certificate of marriage
  4. Do not threaten separation or divorce during the time of counseling to which both of you have committed. Any threats of divorce will certainly undermine the success of the counseling.
  5. Be ready to take responsibility for your part in the marriage difficulties. Be accountable and willing to ask forgiveness and work on improving self. It is essential that you are willing to change personally for the better. Think about the accusations your spouse makes consistently concerning your behavior during an argument or whenever. If those comments are the same, then consider your words and behavior, which may need to change, or attempt to understand why your response is irritated by your behavior.
  6. Do not complain or speak negatively about your spouse to others, especially during the counseling period. Give yourself the best opportunity to reconcile differences within the marriage. Sometimes, people, especially friends will interject negativity into the situation, which could include advice to leave to give up on the marriage. This will weaken the reconciliation process, if not destroy any chances of resolution. If you must speak to someone, make sure it is someone who will fully support your efforts, and desires the best for you and your spouse.
  7. Prior to meeting with your coach or counselor, do not tell your spouse what to say during your counseling sessions. Remember, the only way to healing is through complete honesty and transparency. There is no need to feel embarrassed during a session with your coach or counselor. They are there to help.
  8. Make counseling sessions and the homework a priority. Counseling is only as good as the work each person is willing to put in to grow individually and as a couple.
  9. Realize there is no over-night cure. Again, stick with your obligation to go through counseling and be willing to honestly look at your great, good and awful behaviors, commit to change, and commit to the process.black and white couple

Challenges within a marriage are par for the course. However, couples who truly love each other and are committed to each other can overcome grievances and challenges, and enjoy their lives together. Choosing someone to journey with you as a couple can be one of the answers to your difficulties. Yet, as a couple, you have to be willing to put forth the effort to heal the wounded areas in your relationship. The choice is always yours.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee