Tag Archives: Relationships

Ready to call it quits?

Loving G-d, Relationships, , , , , , ,

Ready and eager to call it quits on your marriage? Ready to throw in the towel, because everything isn’t perfect and does not meet your fantastical expectations? Then consider the following.

Lifelong commitment or a covenant marriage is not what most people think! It isn’t waking up every morning to make breakfast and eat together. It isn’t cuddling in bed until both of you fall asleep, peacefully every night after making wild passionate love. It’s not a clean home filled with the sounds of laughter each moment or the joyful sounds of children/teens serenely communicating.

Marriage includes but is not limited to someone who steals all the covers and snores! Marriage sometimes includes slammed doors, yelling, and harsh words.  Marriage at least between humans is stubbornly disagreeing, and giving each other the silent treatment, until someone decides to relinquish with hopefully a tender heart.  A tender heart which has healed and desires forgiveness both ways, but also where each person is accountable for their actions.

Marriage is coming home to the same person every day. Yet, coming home to that same person should not be boring or dreaded, but coming home to someone you know loves and cares about you. Loving as I have said so many times, means loving what we hate about the person, because it makes up the whole person. Folks, loving means dying to self and doing your part all the time. Marriage is laughing about all the great and stupid things you did together.

Marriage is about dirty laundry, unmade beds, messing garages, burnt meals and boring sex. Marriage is about the great times and difficult times, sickness and death. A marriage that desires to please G-D is about helping each other with the hard work of life! Marriage is sometimes sacrifice and selflessness. Marriage is about shutting your mouth sometimes, instead of spewing nagging and contentious words! Marriage is about cuddling with your lover when life is crazy and only tears flow, because words cannot express the anguish. Marriage is about making time for each other no matter what and much more.

When the honeymoon is over, sometimes marriage can be challenging. This person you love so much, chooses to make you feel loony tuned, insane, crazy and thoughtless all at once. Loving someone is not easy! But loving someone is worth the energy and time invested. I beseech you, bar abuse; do not give up on your marriage and loving the person you decided to make your lifelong partner. Again, it is well worth the effort and pleases our Father.


Yeshua calls us His bride. He put in love, mercy, forgiveness, sacrifice, effort, time and death, so we may have life in Him. Consider your spouse, if Yeshua delivered so we can have life and steadfastness in Him; certainly, we can extend love, time and effort to our spouses as children of the Most High G-D.

Covenantal marriage means upholding your vow even when you are ready to quit! Think about it. Yeah, you may be ready to quit, but don’t! Seek counsel if needed, but at least attempt to do your part to uphold your vow.

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Do you emasculate your man?

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Men are no good! They can’t be trusted! Men just want sex! They’re animals! Men are worthless! You don’t need a man to take care of you! The hell with them!

Have you heard such comments from friends, family, and/or co-workers? Have you paid attention to how men are ridiculed in the media, either blatantly or subtlety? I would venture to say we have all heard the aforementioned comments and many more; and we have been entertained by such foolish and degrading comments. Now, before you get tangled in a tizzy, the focus on this blog is about our men; husbands, brothers, sons and/or friends. So don’t go writing me about the injustices inflicted on women. I know all too well about the mistreatment of women, been there and have my graduate degrees with honors on being mistreated!

However, as a mother and grandmother of men, I want to know, why as a society are we hell-bent on demonizing our men! Think about it. The depth of the question is beyond the scope of this blog, but the evidence is all around us via media, within our work places, churches, synagogues and more. Feel free to email me with your thoughts.

We have moved so far away from the principles of G-d’s Torah (His teachings, laws) especially in our marriages that many women emasculate or belittle their husbands even sons, either intentionally or unintentionally on a regular basis. Sometimes, emasculation occurs during the dating process leaving some women to wonder, why has the man disappeared! So, if you do not espouse having a relationship with the Creator through His Son Yeshua, you might want to stop reading.

If you are still reading, marriage is G-d’s design between a biological male and a biological female; and within His design, He decided on the roles for each person…both equal in His sight and joint heirs in Yeshua, but different roles. Read your Bible. (Ephesians 5) However, regardless of one’s position within the marriage husband or wife, BOTH – (I am speaking to believers and followers of Yeshua) are required to love and respect each other, first submitted to G-d and then to each other. Yet, G-d told man to love His wife, because He knew men would struggle with the love part; and He told women to respect their husband and submit to His g-dly leadership, because He, G-d knew women would have difficulty respecting their man if He didn’t do or live up to their expectations.

Admit it! Many of us have extreme difficulty respecting our men/husbands, especially if they are inadequate in some way, including the bedroom. Thus as women, we can speak very harshly to our spouses in ways that wound them deeply, and in a manner which does not bring honor to G-d. G-d expects better from us and with the help of His breath, His Spirit, we can and should do better.

Some of us have been raised under an umbrella of criticism of men, because of negative female experiences. Others, joke about the “stupidity” of men, and are oblivious to how the toxicity of their words hurt men whether spouse, son, or friend. The media slams men due to the liberal notions prevalent in our society as well as undesirable actions of many men. Now, I get that every man who feels emasculated or small has not been verbally abused by his girlfriend, mother or wife…but that is not the point of this blog. I am again, speaking to women who claim to love and serve G-d; yet, WE have failed in honoring and respecting our men in some cases. And, though in the heat of the moment or in the “fun” of the moment it may seem justified; we are called to always show honor and respect to our men.

According to a recent article, a study was done in 2014 conducted by a neuropsychologist, Dr. David Lewis. This study demonstrated that men experienced more physiological changes in an emotional experiment than their female counterparts. This study according to the article in healthyway.com men feel emotions just as much as women, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to societal expectations. Seriously, do we need a study to explain this to us? G-d’s word is clear on the vileness of the tongue and the necessity to love. (Ep. 4:29; Prov. 15:1; James 3:2-10) Any feeling human being is going to experience emotional currents good and harmful. The expression of such feelings or lack of expression may be different, but emotional feelings are part of being human. My point, contrary to our stance on how men may or may not feel, it is imperative as women of Yeshua that we treat our men with respect.

Listed below are some comments, we make intentionally or unintentionally, especially when we are totally and completely enraged with our spouse, fuming with resentment and/or full of self-righteousness. I confess, I have made derogatory remarks to the men I claimed to love. It wasn’t a pretty picture at best! I regret the disrespect I spewed in a belittling manner and I have suffered such grave loss because of my sins. Thank G-d for His forgiveness and learning from my mistakes.

Emasculating Actions/Comments:

  • Calling him degrading names. In a loving relationship, there is no room for name calling. Men have feelings too, and to tell a man he has no courage, a loser, etc., because maybe he is not dealing with a situation per your methodology will cause him to feel insignificant as a man. Worst, hit him with derogatory sexual remarks…duck for cover!  (No physical violence of course.) Words bring life or death to the listener. Harsh words are a breeding ground for the evil one to infect the relationship with bitterness, hatred anger, adultery, and death (divorce).

 

  • Pointing out his failings. Like us women, men are well aware of their flaws and do not need us to point them out or attempt to change them. In a loving relationship, we have to “love” the things we hate about the person, because part of loving someone is loving the whole person. If something is really an issue, then take the concern to G-d in prayer, and ask Him first to deal with the matter; and then to help you speak in kindness if applicable. And, remember, ladies, we spend an excessive amount of time and billions of dollars per year working on own our flaws. Maybe, we should spend just as much effort working on our inner woman.

 

  • Rescuing him in a conversation. This might happen in a conversation with others and you jump in, pushing him aside and begin to talk or argue for him. The fact that you intervened may cause him to believe you think he is unable to talk or defend his argument. Let him talk. He is a grown man and does not need a mother. If you are having difficulty keeping quiet, politely excuse yourself and take a moment to pray and adjust.

 

  • Criticizing him to family/friends. Keep your mouth closed! Personal matters between a husband and wife ought to stay between the couple, bar needing some counselling for a serious matter. Otherwise, criticizing your spouse because he doesn’t put down the toilet seat or eats with his mouth open or whatever, only glorifies that which you hate and makes him look awful to others. The point…don’t badmouth your man! Like momma use to say, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Besides, many times when women badmouth their spouses, long after the couple has made up, others remember and view him less favorably.

 

  • Humiliating him in public. Arguments are inevitable. Couples disagree. Keep it private. If one argues in public, and the man retorts too loudly, then he could be labeled an abuser or the cops called. If there is arguing in front of the family, dad, brothers or Big Mama, then the issue escalates; and again, others will view him negatively. And, besides ladies, think about your reputation as a follower of Yeshua?

 

None of us are perfect, but as women who believe in Yeshua, we are commanded to respect our spouses. (Ephesians 5:33) And, though there are many other ways to emasculate or belittle our men, we ought to make a concerted effort to honor and cherish them. When we fail to honor the men in our lives, we ought to ask for forgiveness, even if we have belittled our sons, brothers, or other men.

If you have always honored and respected your spouse and others, then you are blessed and very special. For those who struggle in this area, ask G-d to help you. He is always available to hear our prayers and help us to overcome those sins which easily beset us.

Just saying,

Dr. Dee

Note: Image was taken from www.duckgo/free images – no copyright infringement intended.

Holidays in the Rockies

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My first holidays in Denver, CO…High Holy Days, Thanksgiving, and Christmas has been bittersweet, but I am grateful for the experiences and the people I have met, the fun and laughter!

This past Christmas (2017) though I was feeling somewhat lonely, my daughter and her husband made the day so extremely pleasant. I don’t celebrate Christmas in the tradition sense as I celebrate my faith through Messianic Judaism. However, I always enjoy family and friends, and we usually get together on Christmas and celebrate being together. Anyway, it was just the three of us, and we talked, laughed, ate and enjoyed the fruit of the vine. The day was beautiful both spiritually and physically as it had snowed the day before. We enjoyed a “white” Christmas day. My two sons “faced timed” me, so I got to see them and my grandchildren. All in all, the day was very lovely, and I am extremely appreciative for the love of family.

Today, it is still snowing in Denver, and as I sit here writing by my fireplace and gazing out of the window, I am enthralled by the beauty of my surroundings. Denver is a very unique and crowded city, but the beauty of the mountains, the weather, and for the most part, the people makes Denver a great lay-over spot. Why lay-over? Because, I am not sure I want to stay here “forever.” But, for now, my move here has been very beneficial.

Since July of this year, I have gone more places and done more things than I have done in years when I lived in Georgia. I like the Shul where I attend. I have met many pleasant people, and have enjoyed their company. I have found most people to be very friendly and helpful, and I really like welcoming people.

During the Thanksgiving break, my family (mom, nieces, son and grandson) came out for a visit and that was wonderful! I miss them all very much, especially my grandson. While my family was here, we did some sightseeing, and we managed to get up to Red Rocks…totally loved that place and can’t wait to go to a concert there. We ate at a few of my favorite places, shopped , and walked the city of Denver. Again, we had a ball and I can’t wait to see them in the summer!

That’s all I’ve got for now! Have an awesome Holiday and remember to tell someone you love them, while you have a chance.

Just Musing!

Dr. Dee

 

 

Free Gifts of Love

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Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.– Tony Robbins

Interesting fact – wealth is not linked to happiness according to the latest research. After accounting for basic needs (food, shelter, and money for the basics), wealth has a relatively small effect on well-being, though many would disagree, the fact remains.

However, in a study undertaken at the University of British Columbia, Professor Elizabeth Dunn observed a much stronger correlation between positive emotions from giving money away than spending it. Interestingly, people with less money derived more happiness from giving money to charity. This fact is exemplified by many people such as the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and is the foundation for many who practice a life of faith. Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa and the Savior, Himself are most admired for their altruistic nature.

Giving money, giving one’s time and helping others creates feelings of love and happiness for both the giver and the recipient. Data from published documents suggests … volunteers have a lower risk of death than non-volunteers, as well as lower levels of depression and increased life satisfaction and enhanced well-being.

Now, I realize that some of you are skeptical and think this is rubbish. However, giving of money, time and/or resources is an exceptionally spiritual and powerful act which benefits the receiver and the giver.  It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

Myriad numbers of people have made a lasting impression through giving, and in turn, received reciprocation of their love and kindness. In this blog, listed below are gifts of love more precious than momentary gifts and available to everyone who wants to make a positive difference in the life of others.

The Gift of a Smile

A warm smile is the universal language for kindness. William Arthur Ward

Smiling is a universal language of warmth, friendliness and invitation. A genuine smile can literally change the attitude of a downcast person or change a negative situation into a positive one. Smiling costs nothing, but impacts lives beyond the value of dollars and cents. Have you shared a genuine smile today?

The Gift of Actively Listening

Cell phones are like a third hand, an appendage that is attached and constantly monitored for our immediate response. Technology has its advantage to say the least, but technology has also rendered active listening null and void in many situations. Next time you are out, notice couples at dinner, or folks on the bus, train, plane, people standing in line for coffee, or wherever you find people; and notice…what are they doing? Checking their phones, talking on their phones, texting on their phones.

Yet, when we sit down, silence our phones, and look someone in the eyes giving them our complete attention, we are providing a gift of love. We are providing a gift of time, respect, care, and demonstrating that we are a good listener. When was the last time you silenced your phone, and actively listened to the person sitting across from you?

The Gift of Time

Flying time or time flies is a fleeting resource we can never get back. Some of the most rewarding professions are spent giving time to help others, such as doctors, teachers, fire fighters, etc. However, routinely volunteering, conversing with someone who needs counsel or just needs company; spouses spending quality time together outside of arguing and doing the routine things, benefits the giver and the receiver. Giving of one’s time is a vital gift and a gift that will always be remembered. When was the last time you spent quality time with your spouse, child, parent or friend where your time together was the priority and not your cell phone?

The Gift of Sincerity

Insincerity is rampant in our homes, communities and everywhere we find ourselves. Many people have agendas, which only masturbate their narcissistic desires. However, modeling and displaying genuine honor, honesty and strong character is a gift of love to those in your inner circle and beyond. Knowing and being with someone who is sincere is truly a gift of love that makes lasting impressions. How sincere are you, and are you known for being a sincere person of character?

The Gift of True Love

I believe we have been created to love and be loved. It is our highest calling to first love G-d, then others and ourselves. Sensitivity, compassion, and understanding towards others are wonderful gifts of true love. However, tough love is also necessary. Tough love from someone who recognizes a pattern of apathy, failure, especially from a g-dly parent or teacher, etc. requires some constructive feedback in order to grow and change. Someone who has the courage to lovely admonish, truly loves or cares for us and our growth.

Tough love is about seeing the greatness in someone, and encouraging them to reach for their highest potential, instead of wallowing in mediocrity. Tough love requires a response – courage from the giver, and humility from the receiver with a willingness to consider the constructive feedback. Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend…Proverbs 27:5-6

We are all capable of giving gifts of love if we choose to walk in kindness and love. We make choices every day as to how we are going to treat others, and thus how others will perceive us based on the gifts of love we display. Let me urge you to share the above gifts on a regular basis and make a difference in the life of the giver and the receiver. Remember, the greatest gift of love is to change oneself. Choose to generously give gifts of love.

#DocsMusings

Dr. Dee

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Don’t Worry Be Happy!

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Don’t Worry Be Happy!

Do you remember Bob’s Marley song – Don’t Worry Be Happy? The point in the song, regardless of life’s challenges, don’t worry be happy! Yet, how can I be happy without faking it?

https://youtu.be/L3HQMbQAWRc

Happiness is based on what is happening in our lives and joy is the sense that all things are working for our good, because of the salvation we have in Messiah. So, inward and outward happiness is coupled with joy, and in order to walk in happiness, I/we have to practice many things. Listed below are just five notions I believe will help us be happy.

Be Grateful

True gratefulness exudes from a heart full of thanksgiving for all things in our lives from the smallest of things to the unexpected miracles in our lives. Just the fact that you can read this post is something to shout about and be grateful for! Have a grateful heart and mediate on all the wonderful blessings which surround you each day.

Be Light

We are called to be light to others; to share the GREAT NEWS of love and salvation, and to model love and kindness. Make someone happy by being kind to them. Pay forward in love and generosity in someone’s life in ways which demonstrate the love of G-d.

Be Free

Sometimes I feel strangled by my past horrendous mistakes, and I have to really look within and question my faith system! If I continue to allow my mistakes to imprison me, then do I really believe I am forgiven? We have to let go of the past, forgive ourselves and believe we are forgiven. The past is really gone and there is no way to change it, NO WAY! So, why do we keep torturing ourselves with re-living past blunders AND relishing in the ancient hurts? The choice is ours – keep sinking in the horrors of yester-year or walk in freedom and newness of today?

https://youtu.be/Ms1uqdX6wXY

Beautiful is Creation

When was the last time you sat on the beach and savored G-d’s handiwork? When was the last time you hiked through the park, or gazed at the stars, or listened to the melody of birds? G-d’s artwork glorifies His name and reminds us of the lovely home HE provided for us. Get out and spend time listening and observing nature. Relish in the creation G-d has made.

True Friends

One of the many things I love about my mother, is that she spends time with her friends on a weekly basis. They do all sorts of things together and often times she will fly to different parts of the country just to spend time with her friends. True friends are very hard to come by. But when you find a friend, spend time with them doing some fun things that will ensure happy times.

 There are more things to come on what can make us happy, but ultimately, being happy is a choice. We choose to be depressed, sad and miserable or we choose to seek life, love, gratitude and wholeness.

What will you choose today?

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

If you found value in this post then share with your family and friends. Thank you in advance.Be

 

Life-long Resolutions

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What are some of the goals you have for the next 6 months or for the next year? This is always the time of year when many folks set goals for themselves. I set goals as well. Some goals I’ve achieved, and some are a work in progress. However, some goals in my opinion, ought to be life-long resolutions. Listed below are ten of those life-long determinations I think are important.

 1. Free of Worry (Matthew 6: 25-34)

Worry is a waste of mental energy and accomplishes nothing. Worry is very debilitating and hard to overcome. But, with much prayer and effort, we can learn not to worry, and instead walk in faith. Many times that which we worry about NEVER happens anyway or at least the results are better than expected.

 

2. Pray (317 times mentioned in Scripture) 

We have not because we ask not, and when we do ask, we ask amiss or based on our selfish desires.  (James 4:3) However, if we delight in the L-rd and allow His desires for us to line up with our desires, we’ll find our worry will subside among many other things, and we can be confident in G-d who hears and answers our prayers.

3. Count your blessings with a grateful heart

Dwell on all the wonderful things you have or have experienced. Focus on how much G-d loves you and your family, and on all the ways He demonstrates His love each day. Be grateful and count your countless blessings.

 

4. Stay active

Commit to get up and move more.  There are many ways you can commit to staying active. Start in ways which are best or fun for you. Consider parking at the far end of the shopping parking lot to get effort steps in. Grab your spouse, kids or a friend and dance to your favorite song. Walk the dog, jump rope or join the gym. But, choose to stay active.

 

5. Eat Well

Pay attention to your eating choices. Eat in moderation and limit sugar and salt. Eat the minimum servings of fruits and vegetables every day, and take whole food supplements. www.mybailoutoption.com  Make a decision to eat to live and not live to eat.

 

6. Hydrate

Drink plenty of water each day. The Mayo Clinic recommends approximately 109 ounces or 13 cups for the adult male, and 9 cups or 72 ounces for the adult female. I follow the guideline of 1/2 ounce of water per ideal weight. So, for example, if a person weighs 150 pounds, their water intake should be 75 ounces per day roughly equivalent to the 72 ounces . I’m not a medical doctor, but based on my research this seems to work. www.mybailoutoption.com

 

7. Smile

Pledge to smile more and you will feel and look better. Smiling will also help others to see you in a positive light and smiling spreads a little joy. Smile even if you do not feel like it, because regardless of your current situation, if you think hard enough, there is something in your life that makes you smile. A smile is a small light of joy. We have been called to be a light in the world.

 

 8. Show love 

There are many ways to show people you love them. Figure out ways to show others how much you love them and do it. Commit to spend quality time with your spouse, children and others without any technological interference. (You know what I mean…TV, tablet, cell phone, laptop, etc.) Be the positive difference in your homes, at the office, your place of worship, and choose every opportunity to show love.

 

9. Listen and hear before speaking 

We have two ears, so we might be quick to listen and slow to speak. (James 1:19) But, listening must involve hearing and understanding. Try to listen and understand the speaker before speaking. Choose your words carefully, and in the mist of conflict attack the issue and not the character of the person.

 

10. Celebrate 

Most importantly, get in touch with the Creator and be a follower and doer of His Word. Depend on His love, understanding, provisions, and teachings to guide and direct your journey. When you fail, acknowledge failure, and ask for forgiveness. Once you have sought G-d’s forgiveness, keep moving forward in the purposes divinely specified for you. Believe that G-d loves you and desires the best for you; then love yourself as if you believe G-d truly loves you, and love others accordingly. Celebrate each day the goodness of the L-rd*, your life, your family and all that helps you fulfil your purpose.

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

*Note:  The “o” is missing for G-d and L-rd as a sign of respect and honor, for He is the Most Holy G-d, the One True One, the Creator, and Sustainer of the entire universe, and He is the Uncaused Cause. By leaving the “o” out of G-d and/or L-rd, it makes the distinction that I am not speaking of an idol, or any other entity, which uses the name “god”. This writer is referring to the One True G-d who revealed Himself to Moses as the I AM. In addition, it is my belief this is one of the ways, I can fulfill the first commandment. The first commandment directed believers to honor the L-rd’s name. Therefore, by eliminating the “o”, His name (HaShem, G-d) is honored, if the paper were thrown away, burned or destroyed in some manner, as well as for the benefit of online readers. It is this author’s intention to honor G-d in every area, in traditional and non-traditional ways as directed and led by G-d’s Breath – the Holy Spirit.

Crumbs of Love~Crumbs of Hope

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Have you ever loved someone who only throws crumbs of love your way, giving you crumbs of hope? I have, and what a waste of living! Too often as women, we set our sights on a particular man, and our hearts soar with anticipation and expectations. Our hopes and fantasies sometimes blinds our vision and dulls our hearing in the hopes that our love desire will somehow be who and what we think we need, and yearn for in our lives. That’s a mouth full!

We sit by the phone incessantly waiting for a call, text or some other message. We scour our emails to ensure we haven’t missed a note, or we peruse social media. Sometimes, we find excuses to call our love interest, or be available at their beck and call. And, my on my…. when we are finally privileged with their presence, our hearts throb, and we think a piece of heaven has stepped on the scene. And, the scenario repeats over and over. Until…duh, we realize that doing the same thing again and again, i.e., loving someone who chooses not to love us back or has no desire to commit is futile; if not just plain insanity.

The movie “The Holiday” epitomizes a woman who loved someone for several years to finally realize that he did not love her, but wanted to keep her in his life for his purposes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LZQV6NjR_bI But, when Iris (the character in the movie) takes a holiday vacation, she realizes that she has essentially been the dog eating the crumbs from her imagined committed partner. As the story evolves, she realizes she is designed to be the leading lady and finally breaks up with her love interest. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1CMnZDllDU

Many women want to be the leading lady in their relationship to no avail. So, instead, many of us settle for crumbs of love, which leads to imagined crumbs of hope. These crumbs often lead to a deeper sense of loneliness and despair. We settle for being the best friend at best, or just a tool in someone’s hand. And, so again, the cycle repeats, until we are redeemed from ourselves.

Redeemed from ourselves? Now that is a thought! This feat of redemption is attempted by some through mediation, yoga, spirituality, humanness, religion, hardness of heart, etc. But, others, like myself, look to the One true and only Redeemer who consistently reminds us that He is our TRUE love and He prepares the “Boaz” of our dreams. (Read about Boaz in the Bible, Ruth 2) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPevgTJDp7E

Ladies, there is never a short cut when true love is at stake. And, settling for less than G-d’s best, usually spells disaster and emotional violence. I know this from personal experience, and from conversations with many women who have experienced crumbs of love.

Loneliness is a (fill in the blank)! Believe me, when I tell you, I know and I’ve got the first-place award! However, living with g-dly principles, and choosing G-d’s way is so worth the adventure. Has the “right one” found me…not yet. But, he’s headed my way. Can’t wait. But, in the meantime, I’m growing from G-d’s transformative lessons and hoping to encourage others in their relationships.

I’m living life and doing my best to serve G-d, family and friends. If you find yourself settling for second place in the life of a man you are dating, or befriending, and he is not interested in a commitment; stop wasting your time wishing and hoping in a fantasy. Stop settling for crumbs of hope or crumbs of love. Instead, drop and pray! Seek G-d’s comfort, counsel, and ask G-d to send His best.

What are crumbs of love or crumbs of hope? Crumbs…being involved with someone who gives you hints that there might be a future; or he does nice things, and your inference – he’s into me. Maybe he comments that you are so like the type of woman, he would like to spend the rest of his life with…you know the innuendos that men will say in order to either manipulate, or keep you in the loop to serve their purposes. Let’s be real! Men or women will do and say manipulative things to serve their narcissistic appetites, if they are not people who pant after the One and True Living G-d.

Yet, for those of us who desire to live within a covenant marriage; games, lies, manipulations, innuendos, etc. are taboo, and have no place in any loving relationship. Our Savior gave His very best…Himself for His people. This is our example! This is our true love interest!

Start 2017 loving G-d and self, and leave all crumbs for the vacuum.

#Justsaying,

Dr. Dee

Happy 2017!!! My prayer for you!

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Happy 2017!!!! May G-d bless you and keep you and my His face shine upon you , your family and your friends!

Much Love,

Dr. Dee

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Actions Speak

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actions-speak It has often been said that actions speak louder than words. However, is this always the case? I wonder.

Sometimes words speak louder in the form of an email or a letter, yelling, screaming, exhortation, even silence. Sometimes the author’s purpose is lost in the reader’s or listener’s comprehension. Sometimes messages are read with such disdain that the true intent of the author’s purpose is lost. Then again, sometimes words can be used to hide pretentious actions. Hmm– not really sure. Sometimes words seem to speak louder than actions. What do you think?

What I do know, is that if we want others to think we are different or that we have been transformed by the Holy Spirit, then our actions have to look different and gracious, and our words whether written or spoken have to drip with G-dly honey. In other words, if we want others to think we are loving, then we have to act and speak lovingly. If we want others to think we have a pleasant and inviting personality, then we must display this as well. We cannot expect others to see or hear transformation within us, when we act in the very way their criticism suggests.

We all see things fuzzy, even though our pride suggests otherwise, and our arrogance allows us to build walls of self-sustenance. Yet, if we embrace a faith of love and grace, then it is my prayer that G-d shows us our pride and arrogance, and that we have the walk-the-talkcourage to change if need be. Then, maybe, our words, as well as our actions will be steeped in G-dly honey, love, and all the precious goodness as modeled by our Messiah.

As always, it’s our choice.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Enjoy The Process

Health and Wellness, Loving G-d, Loving Self, , , , , , ,

goal

Ever heard the following?

  • Enjoying the process
  • Smelling the roses along the way
  • Comfortable with being uncomfortable
  • Trusting when the end is not near
  • Seeing where only faith leads
  • Prayer were no other path leads
  • Goal achieved now what…

For me, they all mean the same thing…

Recently, I read that achievement seldom produces a sense of lasting happiness as one might think. I can truly attest to this. After receiving my doctorate, I thought I would be so happy, but shortly after graduation, (which by the way, no one could attend), it was really no big deal, and I have considered going back to school, and getting another graduate degree. For me, being in school afforded me a definite sense of purpose, a refuge, a circle of acquaintances, and a goal to work towards. In other words, a sense of direction. I have found, and other experts as well, that once a person finally accomplishes a goal, at least two new goals come along unexpectedly. And, that which we worked so hard to achieve, and chased after for so long, soon becomes the status quo. Yet, our achievement though exhilarating, along with a sense of satisfaction, we are also frustrated and desiring a new adventure or goal. In my case, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand I was excited about earning my degree; yet, I thought and felt…now what? What am I going to do now?

Consider other goals, whether losing weight, getting a promotion, some business venture, exotic vacation or even considering marriage. If you have ever been in love, then, you know about those special moments of euphoria and the fluttering of your heart when you think about that special someone, hear their voice and/or lay your eyes on them! Remember when you couldn’t wait to see them or hear their voice, or how much you hated to say goodbye? Then something began to change, especially after the honeymoon for at least 50% of marriages in this country.

How many of you longed, even ached to get married? Many people who have anxiously anticipated being married to their lover, soul mate, and/or best friend of choice in a blissful ever after scenario, have been devastated by the nightmare they felt trapped in. Once married, they were disillusioned by the difficulties of living with this special someone, and often times fled the relationship. Again, at least 50% of married folks in this country choose to flee their marriages, though some need to flee, many of us are afraid or unwilling to die to self and be a loving spouse. Yet, those who endure to the end tend to thrive through the challenges, and happily live their lives with their mate.

Our goals in life whether reached or not gives us a sense of purpose or at least helps us to feel worthy of this opportunity called life. However, I have found that often times, people are so focused on the goal, that they fail to enjoy the process, or give up when matters get difficult. I have been guilty of this.

Many of us get so focused on the goal, that we fail to enjoy the process or we flee from our purpose in hopes of escaping whatever we find problematic. Yet, in my many years on planet earth, I have come to realize that we/I must enjoy the process in all areas of my life, or life is just existing; or in many cases just working to survive and going through the motions.Health500

Now, when it comes to work, I can hang with the best of them. As a matter of information, all the letters behind my name were earned as an adult, raising children, while unemployed, during an extremely challenging marriage(s), during a divorce(s), working full time, deaths of family members, and/or working full time. I know about working, multi-tasking and the like. I mean intimately acquainted with trying to do it all! Even now, as a mature woman working full-time, building a business, co-producing a radio program, writing a book, this blog, etc., more often than not, I feel like the absent-minded professor running around doing it all, yet doing nothing or at least not getting it all accomplished in the manner most effective without sleep deprivation, irritability, stress and the like!

Still, in spite of the challenges or the goals we aim for, I have learned that we must enjoy life along the way. I have found that doing the following things on a consistent basis are extremely helpful for enjoying the process of life as you reach for your goals, after achieving your goals; and then reaching for new or higher goals. We should always strive for higher and worthy goals! This is a biblical principle handed down from Heaven. Therefore, I live by the following and I encourage you to embrace many if not all as well:

  • Daily prayer, reading G-d’s Word, and interaction with like-minded people
  • Sleep/Rest: G-d created the Shabbat (Sabbath) for a reason. He knew many of us would work ourselves into the grave as a result of unbalanced or an obsession to achieve our goals or dreams. Our insistence on embracing sleep-deprivation and lack of rest causes chronic tiredness, illness, irritability, stress and premature death. We need a weekly Shabbat for a reason. Really and truly, sleep will find us whether we like it or not.
  • sabbathHealthy Choices: Sleep/rest is a healthy choice, but also the foods we eat. Choose clean foods, minimize fast foods, processed foods, soda and sugar. You will feel different and be more energetic with mental clarity.
  • Exercise is vital for weight loss, flexibility, stress reduction and more. We need to exercise our bodies to optimally perform each day. Our bodies are the only place we have to live.
  • Celebrate and love others.
  • Be grateful for all things in your life. Celebrate the great and good. Learn from the not-so-good.
  • Help others achieve and grow. Be an example of determination, persistence and generosity.
  • Try to see the good and have a positive attitude.
  • Spend time doing things you enjoy and spend time with family and friends.
  • Laugh, have fun and enjoy being you. Laughter does do the heart, mind, soul good!

live in bodyWorthy goals, dreams, and desires, as well as working towards them have their place. Yet, on the way to success, remember to enjoy life throughout the process. Once you achieve whatever goal(s) you are longing for, enjoy that process and the new goals soon to follow. Again, enjoy wherever you find yourself in life, otherwise, what awaits you on the other side, may be more disappointing than you imagined.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee