Tag Archives: self-development

Stand…

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8 Ways Praise Delivers You from Evil

The state of affairs in the United States of America is beyond anything that I could have imagined. Violent eruptions seem commonplace…mayhem, hatred, bitterness, discontent, sickness, loneliness and more. People very close to me are depressed and distraught about the election, the pandemic, isolation, loss of income, loss of life and so much more. On some days, it just seems like life can’t get any worse. 

And, on and on goes the world. What can we do? We are helpless in this evil world without the help of Yeshua. We can pretend, cry, fight, shout and even die hopeless and helpless, if we believe the lie; we can overcome anything without our Savior. We must depend on Him for our strength, protection through His love and goodness. 

If you haven’t noticed, this world is extremely dark. It is easy to become wrapped up in the ungodly affairs spread via the media. It is easy to worry and fret and forget about living purposefully. It is so easy to focus on the diabolical and forget that in spite of the wretchedness which surrounds us, G-D is still on the throne, and very aware of all that has attempted to imprison our minds. He knows and understands better than we do, though we question His thinking…at least I do.

However, regardless of my thoughts as inaccurate as they may be, I still trust and love the L-RD and desire to please Him. I get scared, worried and depressed about the state of this world like many others. But, I attempt to keep my focus on His promises and not on the lies and the monstrous happenings in this country, which are trying to kill, steal and destroy us. Is it easy…you know it isn’t! It is a process…an arduous process!

Now there are folks much greater than me who are praying for this country and the leaders we find ourselves stuck with. We all must join in praying and repenting, as we seek a miracle and a life-stay from our Creator.  We cannot entertain the thought that we can continue to submerse ourselves in national odious behaviors or personal vileness, and think that G-D will be down with that! I think not!

G-D, Yeshua, I truly believe loves us more than our limited brains and hearts can even fathom. Yet, He is just and His patience with our foul living cannot/will not be tolerated indefinitely by Him…remember the epic about Noah and the Ark, Sodom and Gomorrah?

So, what is the answer…keep our eyes on the L-RD and listen to Him. Be sensitive to His leading and instruction and know that evil has already failed. G-D is our Ruler King and His WILL will prevail. Stand in faith and when all else fails, STAND… STAND FIRM…Ephesians 6:13.

Much Love,

Dr. Dee

It's Time To Take A Stand! | Anne Graham Lotz - Angel Ministries

Free Gifts of Love

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Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy: true fulfillment.– Tony Robbins

Interesting fact – wealth is not linked to happiness according to the latest research. After accounting for basic needs (food, shelter, and money for the basics), wealth has a relatively small effect on well-being, though many would disagree, the fact remains.

However, in a study undertaken at the University of British Columbia, Professor Elizabeth Dunn observed a much stronger correlation between positive emotions from giving money away than spending it. Interestingly, people with less money derived more happiness from giving money to charity. This fact is exemplified by many people such as the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and is the foundation for many who practice a life of faith. Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Martin Luther King, Mother Theresa and the Savior, Himself are most admired for their altruistic nature.

Giving money, giving one’s time and helping others creates feelings of love and happiness for both the giver and the recipient. Data from published documents suggests … volunteers have a lower risk of death than non-volunteers, as well as lower levels of depression and increased life satisfaction and enhanced well-being.

Now, I realize that some of you are skeptical and think this is rubbish. However, giving of money, time and/or resources is an exceptionally spiritual and powerful act which benefits the receiver and the giver.  It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

Myriad numbers of people have made a lasting impression through giving, and in turn, received reciprocation of their love and kindness. In this blog, listed below are gifts of love more precious than momentary gifts and available to everyone who wants to make a positive difference in the life of others.

The Gift of a Smile

A warm smile is the universal language for kindness. William Arthur Ward

Smiling is a universal language of warmth, friendliness and invitation. A genuine smile can literally change the attitude of a downcast person or change a negative situation into a positive one. Smiling costs nothing, but impacts lives beyond the value of dollars and cents. Have you shared a genuine smile today?

The Gift of Actively Listening

Cell phones are like a third hand, an appendage that is attached and constantly monitored for our immediate response. Technology has its advantage to say the least, but technology has also rendered active listening null and void in many situations. Next time you are out, notice couples at dinner, or folks on the bus, train, plane, people standing in line for coffee, or wherever you find people; and notice…what are they doing? Checking their phones, talking on their phones, texting on their phones.

Yet, when we sit down, silence our phones, and look someone in the eyes giving them our complete attention, we are providing a gift of love. We are providing a gift of time, respect, care, and demonstrating that we are a good listener. When was the last time you silenced your phone, and actively listened to the person sitting across from you?

The Gift of Time

Flying time or time flies is a fleeting resource we can never get back. Some of the most rewarding professions are spent giving time to help others, such as doctors, teachers, fire fighters, etc. However, routinely volunteering, conversing with someone who needs counsel or just needs company; spouses spending quality time together outside of arguing and doing the routine things, benefits the giver and the receiver. Giving of one’s time is a vital gift and a gift that will always be remembered. When was the last time you spent quality time with your spouse, child, parent or friend where your time together was the priority and not your cell phone?

The Gift of Sincerity

Insincerity is rampant in our homes, communities and everywhere we find ourselves. Many people have agendas, which only masturbate their narcissistic desires. However, modeling and displaying genuine honor, honesty and strong character is a gift of love to those in your inner circle and beyond. Knowing and being with someone who is sincere is truly a gift of love that makes lasting impressions. How sincere are you, and are you known for being a sincere person of character?

The Gift of True Love

I believe we have been created to love and be loved. It is our highest calling to first love G-d, then others and ourselves. Sensitivity, compassion, and understanding towards others are wonderful gifts of true love. However, tough love is also necessary. Tough love from someone who recognizes a pattern of apathy, failure, especially from a g-dly parent or teacher, etc. requires some constructive feedback in order to grow and change. Someone who has the courage to lovely admonish, truly loves or cares for us and our growth.

Tough love is about seeing the greatness in someone, and encouraging them to reach for their highest potential, instead of wallowing in mediocrity. Tough love requires a response – courage from the giver, and humility from the receiver with a willingness to consider the constructive feedback. Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend…Proverbs 27:5-6

We are all capable of giving gifts of love if we choose to walk in kindness and love. We make choices every day as to how we are going to treat others, and thus how others will perceive us based on the gifts of love we display. Let me urge you to share the above gifts on a regular basis and make a difference in the life of the giver and the receiver. Remember, the greatest gift of love is to change oneself. Choose to generously give gifts of love.

#DocsMusings

Dr. Dee

If you found value in this blog post, please share with others.

2017 Spring Break

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Arrived at the Atlanta airport on Thursday, March 30th with every intention on catching a flight to Denver, CO on a buddy pass. I arrived at the airport at 4:15 PM and left the ATL airport at 10:30 PM and returned to my home. All flights were full and I was left behind. Yes, I was a little disappointed, but not discouraged.

Saturday, April 1st arrived at Atlanta airport at 6:00 AM with every intention and desire to catch a flight to Denver, CO on a buddy pass. All flights were full up to 2:00 PM, but I was still hopeful and met someone. We spent the next four hours chatting. It was a very nice meeting and certainly a G-d thing!

At 6:05 PM the flight leaving for Denver, CO as well as the remaining flights until 9:45 PM were full, and again, I was left behind. Yes, a little disappointed, but not discouraged. I called Uber and had a very nice driver. I sat in the front, and we chatted and exchanged cell numbers. It was very pleasant. Secretly, I was a little nervous, because it was my first Uber ride. But, G-d, as always has a way of showing me who is truly in control.

All flights were booked, and only my luggage had a spring break in Denver. So, even though I had every intention and desire to fly out on Tuesday, April 4, 2017, I decided to have my bags flown back to Atlanta on Monday.

On Monday, April 3rd, my mom and I drove to the airport to pick up my bags. Again, on Monday the 3rd I was looking forward to flying to Denver, and a great friend of mine was going to drive me to the airport at 5:00 AM on Tuesday, April 4th.

Monday evening, I received a text that all flights were booked, and there was little chance I would get to Denver on a buddy pass  for the rest of the week. So, I decided to look for a ticket, for the remaining time I would have in Denver.  However, for the amount of the fare, it just did not seem practical for just three days. So, with a positive attitude, I realized that this Spring Break of 2017, Denver would not be graced with my presence. Yet, all was/is not lost.

Many positives came out of this experience as well as some lessons.

Lesson One – forget a buddy pass especially during a high-flying season.  Buy a ticket!

Lesson Two – focus on the positives and look for all the blessings in the midst of what could be very frustrating. (Yet again, a little sad, but never irate or discouraged.) I was determined to be led by G-d, and to focus on where He was leading. I can’t claim to be led by G-d, and then scream at Him when things look opposite of what I desire. Easy? What do you think? I digress…some encouraging things I realized.

Positives:

  1. Ride to the airport – Thursday afternoon (friend from work)
  2. Picked up from the airport at 10:30 PM during a horrible thunder storm (son)
  3. Taken back to the airport the next day at 5:15 AM (son) – I live about 45 minutes away from the airport without traffic and bad weather.
  4. Picked up from the airport at 10:30 PM (Very nice Uber driver)
  5. Met someone at the airport and spent 4 hours together, exchanged information, promised to stay in-touch.
  6. Helped by someone else who lives in Denver when I got confused about travel gate
  7. Chatted with a very nice person as we waited for the next flight
  8. Saw a co-worker in the women’s restroom on her way to Florida
  9. Full refund on my buddy pass
  10. All luggage returned from Denver with excellent customer service
  11. Nice outing with my mom when we went to pick up my luggage and glorious weather
  12. Safety
  13. Family/friends checking on me to make sure I was fine

My point, I am going to Colorado, but apparently, this spring break was not the appointed time. So, for the rest of my stay-vacation, fun and rest was on the menu.

And, fun and rest it was!

 

#DocsMusings!

Dr. Dee

Don’t Worry Be Happy!

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Don’t Worry Be Happy!

Do you remember Bob’s Marley song – Don’t Worry Be Happy? The point in the song, regardless of life’s challenges, don’t worry be happy! Yet, how can I be happy without faking it?

https://youtu.be/L3HQMbQAWRc

Happiness is based on what is happening in our lives and joy is the sense that all things are working for our good, because of the salvation we have in Messiah. So, inward and outward happiness is coupled with joy, and in order to walk in happiness, I/we have to practice many things. Listed below are just five notions I believe will help us be happy.

Be Grateful

True gratefulness exudes from a heart full of thanksgiving for all things in our lives from the smallest of things to the unexpected miracles in our lives. Just the fact that you can read this post is something to shout about and be grateful for! Have a grateful heart and mediate on all the wonderful blessings which surround you each day.

Be Light

We are called to be light to others; to share the GREAT NEWS of love and salvation, and to model love and kindness. Make someone happy by being kind to them. Pay forward in love and generosity in someone’s life in ways which demonstrate the love of G-d.

Be Free

Sometimes I feel strangled by my past horrendous mistakes, and I have to really look within and question my faith system! If I continue to allow my mistakes to imprison me, then do I really believe I am forgiven? We have to let go of the past, forgive ourselves and believe we are forgiven. The past is really gone and there is no way to change it, NO WAY! So, why do we keep torturing ourselves with re-living past blunders AND relishing in the ancient hurts? The choice is ours – keep sinking in the horrors of yester-year or walk in freedom and newness of today?

https://youtu.be/Ms1uqdX6wXY

Beautiful is Creation

When was the last time you sat on the beach and savored G-d’s handiwork? When was the last time you hiked through the park, or gazed at the stars, or listened to the melody of birds? G-d’s artwork glorifies His name and reminds us of the lovely home HE provided for us. Get out and spend time listening and observing nature. Relish in the creation G-d has made.

True Friends

One of the many things I love about my mother, is that she spends time with her friends on a weekly basis. They do all sorts of things together and often times she will fly to different parts of the country just to spend time with her friends. True friends are very hard to come by. But when you find a friend, spend time with them doing some fun things that will ensure happy times.

 There are more things to come on what can make us happy, but ultimately, being happy is a choice. We choose to be depressed, sad and miserable or we choose to seek life, love, gratitude and wholeness.

What will you choose today?

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

If you found value in this post then share with your family and friends. Thank you in advance.Be

 

Life-long Resolutions

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What are some of the goals you have for the next 6 months or for the next year? This is always the time of year when many folks set goals for themselves. I set goals as well. Some goals I’ve achieved, and some are a work in progress. However, some goals in my opinion, ought to be life-long resolutions. Listed below are ten of those life-long determinations I think are important.

 1. Free of Worry (Matthew 6: 25-34)

Worry is a waste of mental energy and accomplishes nothing. Worry is very debilitating and hard to overcome. But, with much prayer and effort, we can learn not to worry, and instead walk in faith. Many times that which we worry about NEVER happens anyway or at least the results are better than expected.

 

2. Pray (317 times mentioned in Scripture) 

We have not because we ask not, and when we do ask, we ask amiss or based on our selfish desires.  (James 4:3) However, if we delight in the L-rd and allow His desires for us to line up with our desires, we’ll find our worry will subside among many other things, and we can be confident in G-d who hears and answers our prayers.

3. Count your blessings with a grateful heart

Dwell on all the wonderful things you have or have experienced. Focus on how much G-d loves you and your family, and on all the ways He demonstrates His love each day. Be grateful and count your countless blessings.

 

4. Stay active

Commit to get up and move more.  There are many ways you can commit to staying active. Start in ways which are best or fun for you. Consider parking at the far end of the shopping parking lot to get effort steps in. Grab your spouse, kids or a friend and dance to your favorite song. Walk the dog, jump rope or join the gym. But, choose to stay active.

 

5. Eat Well

Pay attention to your eating choices. Eat in moderation and limit sugar and salt. Eat the minimum servings of fruits and vegetables every day, and take whole food supplements. www.mybailoutoption.com  Make a decision to eat to live and not live to eat.

 

6. Hydrate

Drink plenty of water each day. The Mayo Clinic recommends approximately 109 ounces or 13 cups for the adult male, and 9 cups or 72 ounces for the adult female. I follow the guideline of 1/2 ounce of water per ideal weight. So, for example, if a person weighs 150 pounds, their water intake should be 75 ounces per day roughly equivalent to the 72 ounces . I’m not a medical doctor, but based on my research this seems to work. www.mybailoutoption.com

 

7. Smile

Pledge to smile more and you will feel and look better. Smiling will also help others to see you in a positive light and smiling spreads a little joy. Smile even if you do not feel like it, because regardless of your current situation, if you think hard enough, there is something in your life that makes you smile. A smile is a small light of joy. We have been called to be a light in the world.

 

 8. Show love 

There are many ways to show people you love them. Figure out ways to show others how much you love them and do it. Commit to spend quality time with your spouse, children and others without any technological interference. (You know what I mean…TV, tablet, cell phone, laptop, etc.) Be the positive difference in your homes, at the office, your place of worship, and choose every opportunity to show love.

 

9. Listen and hear before speaking 

We have two ears, so we might be quick to listen and slow to speak. (James 1:19) But, listening must involve hearing and understanding. Try to listen and understand the speaker before speaking. Choose your words carefully, and in the mist of conflict attack the issue and not the character of the person.

 

10. Celebrate 

Most importantly, get in touch with the Creator and be a follower and doer of His Word. Depend on His love, understanding, provisions, and teachings to guide and direct your journey. When you fail, acknowledge failure, and ask for forgiveness. Once you have sought G-d’s forgiveness, keep moving forward in the purposes divinely specified for you. Believe that G-d loves you and desires the best for you; then love yourself as if you believe G-d truly loves you, and love others accordingly. Celebrate each day the goodness of the L-rd*, your life, your family and all that helps you fulfil your purpose.

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

*Note:  The “o” is missing for G-d and L-rd as a sign of respect and honor, for He is the Most Holy G-d, the One True One, the Creator, and Sustainer of the entire universe, and He is the Uncaused Cause. By leaving the “o” out of G-d and/or L-rd, it makes the distinction that I am not speaking of an idol, or any other entity, which uses the name “god”. This writer is referring to the One True G-d who revealed Himself to Moses as the I AM. In addition, it is my belief this is one of the ways, I can fulfill the first commandment. The first commandment directed believers to honor the L-rd’s name. Therefore, by eliminating the “o”, His name (HaShem, G-d) is honored, if the paper were thrown away, burned or destroyed in some manner, as well as for the benefit of online readers. It is this author’s intention to honor G-d in every area, in traditional and non-traditional ways as directed and led by G-d’s Breath – the Holy Spirit.

Actions Speak

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actions-speak It has often been said that actions speak louder than words. However, is this always the case? I wonder.

Sometimes words speak louder in the form of an email or a letter, yelling, screaming, exhortation, even silence. Sometimes the author’s purpose is lost in the reader’s or listener’s comprehension. Sometimes messages are read with such disdain that the true intent of the author’s purpose is lost. Then again, sometimes words can be used to hide pretentious actions. Hmm– not really sure. Sometimes words seem to speak louder than actions. What do you think?

What I do know, is that if we want others to think we are different or that we have been transformed by the Holy Spirit, then our actions have to look different and gracious, and our words whether written or spoken have to drip with G-dly honey. In other words, if we want others to think we are loving, then we have to act and speak lovingly. If we want others to think we have a pleasant and inviting personality, then we must display this as well. We cannot expect others to see or hear transformation within us, when we act in the very way their criticism suggests.

We all see things fuzzy, even though our pride suggests otherwise, and our arrogance allows us to build walls of self-sustenance. Yet, if we embrace a faith of love and grace, then it is my prayer that G-d shows us our pride and arrogance, and that we have the walk-the-talkcourage to change if need be. Then, maybe, our words, as well as our actions will be steeped in G-dly honey, love, and all the precious goodness as modeled by our Messiah.

As always, it’s our choice.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Love Reflections

My son came for a brief visit from Korea. It was great seeing him and spending time with him. As I reflect on our visit, I am amazed at how fast the time has passed and how very little we get to see each other, because of the physical landscape which divides us. However, in reality we are not separated, because of the great love we have for each other. I am grateful for the time we had together.

This reflection mirrors in a very tiny way the love G-d has for His people! Even though we don’t physically see our Heavenly Father, His presence is like the wind – we feel Him, we embrace His love, and we know He is there! (John 3:8)

I am often amazed by the great love G-d has for me in spite of my failures and flaws. His love fills my heart and guides me as I am obedient to His will. Even more special is that G-d’s love is available to all who choose to grab hold of his garment and journey with Him.

I am reading a book which speaks to the fact that our days must be propelled by our view of eschatology as the promise of G-d. In other words, we must base our today knowing that G-d’s promises and love are our horizon and our goal! We might want to consider living in ways, which are pleasing to G-d, since He promised He would be back, as oppose to living our lives independent of Him.

Love is one of those words which we hear – more often than its practices imply! I am encouraged to love G-d and love others, because He first loved me and continues to love me! I am encouraged to love those who abuse me, and mistreat me; even my enemies, because Yeshua  (Jesus) modeled great love for those who hated Him.

Be encouraged to love others and spend time with them while it is today. Let those you love know you love them by your words, actions and deeds. Never be afraid to say, I love and appreciate you.

#DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Enjoy The Process

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goal

Ever heard the following?

  • Enjoying the process
  • Smelling the roses along the way
  • Comfortable with being uncomfortable
  • Trusting when the end is not near
  • Seeing where only faith leads
  • Prayer were no other path leads
  • Goal achieved now what…

For me, they all mean the same thing…

Recently, I read that achievement seldom produces a sense of lasting happiness as one might think. I can truly attest to this. After receiving my doctorate, I thought I would be so happy, but shortly after graduation, (which by the way, no one could attend), it was really no big deal, and I have considered going back to school, and getting another graduate degree. For me, being in school afforded me a definite sense of purpose, a refuge, a circle of acquaintances, and a goal to work towards. In other words, a sense of direction. I have found, and other experts as well, that once a person finally accomplishes a goal, at least two new goals come along unexpectedly. And, that which we worked so hard to achieve, and chased after for so long, soon becomes the status quo. Yet, our achievement though exhilarating, along with a sense of satisfaction, we are also frustrated and desiring a new adventure or goal. In my case, I had mixed emotions. On the one hand I was excited about earning my degree; yet, I thought and felt…now what? What am I going to do now?

Consider other goals, whether losing weight, getting a promotion, some business venture, exotic vacation or even considering marriage. If you have ever been in love, then, you know about those special moments of euphoria and the fluttering of your heart when you think about that special someone, hear their voice and/or lay your eyes on them! Remember when you couldn’t wait to see them or hear their voice, or how much you hated to say goodbye? Then something began to change, especially after the honeymoon for at least 50% of marriages in this country.

How many of you longed, even ached to get married? Many people who have anxiously anticipated being married to their lover, soul mate, and/or best friend of choice in a blissful ever after scenario, have been devastated by the nightmare they felt trapped in. Once married, they were disillusioned by the difficulties of living with this special someone, and often times fled the relationship. Again, at least 50% of married folks in this country choose to flee their marriages, though some need to flee, many of us are afraid or unwilling to die to self and be a loving spouse. Yet, those who endure to the end tend to thrive through the challenges, and happily live their lives with their mate.

Our goals in life whether reached or not gives us a sense of purpose or at least helps us to feel worthy of this opportunity called life. However, I have found that often times, people are so focused on the goal, that they fail to enjoy the process, or give up when matters get difficult. I have been guilty of this.

Many of us get so focused on the goal, that we fail to enjoy the process or we flee from our purpose in hopes of escaping whatever we find problematic. Yet, in my many years on planet earth, I have come to realize that we/I must enjoy the process in all areas of my life, or life is just existing; or in many cases just working to survive and going through the motions.Health500

Now, when it comes to work, I can hang with the best of them. As a matter of information, all the letters behind my name were earned as an adult, raising children, while unemployed, during an extremely challenging marriage(s), during a divorce(s), working full time, deaths of family members, and/or working full time. I know about working, multi-tasking and the like. I mean intimately acquainted with trying to do it all! Even now, as a mature woman working full-time, building a business, co-producing a radio program, writing a book, this blog, etc., more often than not, I feel like the absent-minded professor running around doing it all, yet doing nothing or at least not getting it all accomplished in the manner most effective without sleep deprivation, irritability, stress and the like!

Still, in spite of the challenges or the goals we aim for, I have learned that we must enjoy life along the way. I have found that doing the following things on a consistent basis are extremely helpful for enjoying the process of life as you reach for your goals, after achieving your goals; and then reaching for new or higher goals. We should always strive for higher and worthy goals! This is a biblical principle handed down from Heaven. Therefore, I live by the following and I encourage you to embrace many if not all as well:

  • Daily prayer, reading G-d’s Word, and interaction with like-minded people
  • Sleep/Rest: G-d created the Shabbat (Sabbath) for a reason. He knew many of us would work ourselves into the grave as a result of unbalanced or an obsession to achieve our goals or dreams. Our insistence on embracing sleep-deprivation and lack of rest causes chronic tiredness, illness, irritability, stress and premature death. We need a weekly Shabbat for a reason. Really and truly, sleep will find us whether we like it or not.
  • sabbathHealthy Choices: Sleep/rest is a healthy choice, but also the foods we eat. Choose clean foods, minimize fast foods, processed foods, soda and sugar. You will feel different and be more energetic with mental clarity.
  • Exercise is vital for weight loss, flexibility, stress reduction and more. We need to exercise our bodies to optimally perform each day. Our bodies are the only place we have to live.
  • Celebrate and love others.
  • Be grateful for all things in your life. Celebrate the great and good. Learn from the not-so-good.
  • Help others achieve and grow. Be an example of determination, persistence and generosity.
  • Try to see the good and have a positive attitude.
  • Spend time doing things you enjoy and spend time with family and friends.
  • Laugh, have fun and enjoy being you. Laughter does do the heart, mind, soul good!

live in bodyWorthy goals, dreams, and desires, as well as working towards them have their place. Yet, on the way to success, remember to enjoy life throughout the process. Once you achieve whatever goal(s) you are longing for, enjoy that process and the new goals soon to follow. Again, enjoy wherever you find yourself in life, otherwise, what awaits you on the other side, may be more disappointing than you imagined.

#DocsMusing,

Dr. Dee

Tips For Marriage Counseling Success

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FreshPaint white couple

 

 

Has your marriage hit a brick wall? Are your attempts at solving conflict seem futile? If so, then counseling may be one of your answers. However, going to marriage counseling is not just about showing up and sitting down. Counseling success is hinged on active engagement, honesty and transparency. Therefore, in order for marriage counseling to have the best chances for your success, here are some tips.

  1. List the reasons why you need to speak to a third person. Are you having communication issues, intimacy issues, financial issues, etc. Clarify and write down your reason(s) prior to your first counseling session. Be sure to interview several marriage counselors or coaches and select someone you both feel comfortable with and someone who is committed to your success. If you are a Messianic/Christian couple, select someone who has the same biblical mindset.
  2. Set goals for the marriage. For Example: we both want to save our marriage, we want to better communicate with each other, we want to respect each other’s differences, etc. Again, be clear on the reason(s) as to why you are seeking counseling. Ensure that both partners are still interested in saving the marriage, and there isn’t a desire for a separation or divorce.
  3. Commit to the process for at least 6 months to a year in order to give yourselves the full opportunity of working out issues. Sometimes issues are related to childhood baggage and/or unresolved hurts from previous relationships. Committing to the process will ensure you get to the root of the problem so healing can transpired.FreshPaint-certificate of marriage
  4. Do not threaten separation or divorce during the time of counseling to which both of you have committed. Any threats of divorce will certainly undermine the success of the counseling.
  5. Be ready to take responsibility for your part in the marriage difficulties. Be accountable and willing to ask forgiveness and work on improving self. It is essential that you are willing to change personally for the better. Think about the accusations your spouse makes consistently concerning your behavior during an argument or whenever. If those comments are the same, then consider your words and behavior, which may need to change, or attempt to understand why your response is irritated by your behavior.
  6. Do not complain or speak negatively about your spouse to others, especially during the counseling period. Give yourself the best opportunity to reconcile differences within the marriage. Sometimes, people, especially friends will interject negativity into the situation, which could include advice to leave to give up on the marriage. This will weaken the reconciliation process, if not destroy any chances of resolution. If you must speak to someone, make sure it is someone who will fully support your efforts, and desires the best for you and your spouse.
  7. Prior to meeting with your coach or counselor, do not tell your spouse what to say during your counseling sessions. Remember, the only way to healing is through complete honesty and transparency. There is no need to feel embarrassed during a session with your coach or counselor. They are there to help.
  8. Make counseling sessions and the homework a priority. Counseling is only as good as the work each person is willing to put in to grow individually and as a couple.
  9. Realize there is no over-night cure. Again, stick with your obligation to go through counseling and be willing to honestly look at your great, good and awful behaviors, commit to change, and commit to the process.black and white couple

Challenges within a marriage are par for the course. However, couples who truly love each other and are committed to each other can overcome grievances and challenges, and enjoy their lives together. Choosing someone to journey with you as a couple can be one of the answers to your difficulties. Yet, as a couple, you have to be willing to put forth the effort to heal the wounded areas in your relationship. The choice is always yours.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

Crossroads

Loving Self, , , , , , ,

wherewithmanWhen you get to the fork in the road take it! (Tessin)

When I first heard this statement, I was confused on its meaning. However, the more I pondered this saying, the more the meaning began to unfold. I believe it means to choose to go to the left or the right, but do not stand stagnant or stationary considering which way to go. Make a decision! Now, you might have a different idea about the meaning, but for me, the central point of the saying is to avoid procrastination.

How many times do we put off for tomorrow, something we could do today? How many of us begin a new diet on Monday, then fall off the diet on Tuesday? How many of us put off saving money, pursuing our passions for tomorrow, instead of working today to meet our goals. It’s easy to put off doing things for tomorrow, but, for many, tomorrow never comes.

Today, now, as you are reading this blog is all the time you/I have promised. Tomorrow is not promised is a popular saying. However, not even the next moment is promised; life is one breath, one second, one step at a time. As we hear the news about the tragedies rampantly destroying the lives of many of our neighbors, none, at least most, I would dare to say, received a text message letting them know of their imminent demise.   Many fathers, moms, children, sisters, brothers, uncles and aunts leave in the morning as part of their daily routine; yet, many do not return home. Police officers, firefighters, victims of police brutality,  others forms of violence, teachers, doctors, etc. are literally called daily to stand before their Maker. On a lighter note, many who plan on finishing school, going on a vacation, calling/visiting a love one, starting a new business or hobby, never realize their goals, because their tomorrow never comes.

My point, while you have today…do today.  Tell someone you love them. Start that diet/exercise regimen and stick to it. If you are working an online business, today and each day, work on your business. Contact your team and encourage them to remain faithful in their efforts to change their personal financial landscape and that of others on their team.  Encourage yourself to take charge of your business, and do not wait for your up-line or today is the daydown-line to help you get started. Do it yourself.  If you need to call, email or text those on your list, do it while it is today, instead of putting it off for tomorrow.  Whatever you are putting off for tomorrow and you can do it today…then be encouraged to do it today.

Remember, when you get to the crossroads, pick up the fork and take it. Today is your day!

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee