To say that life has been challenging would be a tremendous understatement! My emotions are all over the place…up, down, sad, excited, thrilled, overwhelmed, annoyed, ecstatic, depressed…all at once with many other emotions as well. I am not sure if I am navigating or just getting by; or if I am being pushed or led and/or all of the above.
If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that my youngest adult son, Aaron died on October 19, 2024 – suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. He dropped and died walking with his fiancee early that morning at a local park. To say, my heart was broken and devastated fails to speak to my dismay.
However, in my grief then and now, the hand of ABBA is very evident and provides the comfort I need to continue on the path of healing. Writing to you, helps as well, though I may never hear words of condolences. I miss him every day and think of him all throughout the day, and oftentimes mask my grief behind smiles to keep others around me comfortable.
I have noticed that sometimes people are uncomfortable with a grieving mom and I truly understand. I am uncomfortable as a grieving mom, but this is my burden to bear as Yeshua heals my heart, one beat at a time.
On the flip side, I was recently married to a wonderful man who has proven his love and commitment to me over and over again. I couldn’t ask for a better husband and devoted companion. We have shared troubled histories, but we have found true love in each other.
Briefly, we met about a year ago, and got engaged about 6 months into the relationship. He is well liked by my family, friends, my Rabbi and folks from my worship community. He is my dream come true as I have struggled to believe that G-D would bless me with a wonderful man given my history. I am grateful and look forward to an adventurous and happy life in the sunset years of our lives.
So, in addition to my deep sadness over the loss of my son, I am extremely happy to be with my b’sheirt (soulmate) in a loving relationship.
So my dilemma …. I am so very happy and so very sad. Most days these feelings are compartmentalized, but other days one extreme overrides the other and feelings of guilt on both ends attempts to raise its guilty head.
Yeah, so I’m human and the struggle is real! But, G-D, creator of the Universe through Yeshua the anchor of my soul, is my steadfast path to healing and salvation one heart beat at a time!
Just saying,
Dr. Dee
