Since the death of my son, I haven’t felt like myself. I don’t recognize myself most days and some days I just feel like I am floating through waiting for my turn. Parts of me died with him, but parts of me resurrected with a new vigor for the L-RD. I embrace this new vigor for the L-RD.
Since the death of my son, I think about him and all our family members who have preceded me, and I wonder how they are doing and what they are doing. I miss them so much and of course wish we could have a chat. I know, I can’t talk to them or see them other than within my mind’s eye, but like a child I wish I could.
Since my son’s death, many things have changed…some for the good, and conversely not so good. I am still wrestling with the timing of his death and his absence from our lives. My grandson just started high school, and I know my son Aaron wanted to be part of his high school years. From my limited perspective, I have difficulty understanding why G-D took Aaron at this time. I could say more, but…
My point, no matter how much we say we love and trust G-D, I believe, in our human bodies we struggle with G-D’s timing and His will sometimes. And like Paul who wrote most of the letters in the B’rit Hadashah (New Testament)…paraphrased…that which I should do, I don’t do and that which I do, I should not do. Romans 7:13-25.
So, to sum up my dilemma as I am growing through my grieving…who can save me? Who can heal my broken heart? Who can forgive my plethora of sins and grievous acts? Who can restore my shalom and so I can hear the sound of joy and gladness? Who can create a clean heart within me and a resolute spirit? Who can rescue me? Thanks be to G-D, our ABBA (HE WILL/HE CAN) – through Yeshua our Messiah, our L-RD, whom I love, believe in and pledge my allegiance to.
Know my struggle is real like many who have lost a child (children). The pain has not subsided, but maybe that’s the point…to grow my dependence, hope and faith in the L-RD.
Like the tide of the ocean that comes on the shore and quickly recedes; such is life.
Strained, Stretched, Struggling
Dr. Dee
A few Scriptures worth pondering: Jonah 2:9, Acts 4:12, Ezekiel 36:26, Titus 3:5