Just got back from a quick trip to the US. Literally landed on Monday after 14 hours in the air and left on Thursday of the same week! But, I got to see my grandson, family and friends, so it was worth the grueling long haul. I had a lovely time with them chatting, eating and laughing. I am grateful for our time together. I also had the opportunity to stop by the cemetery to visit my son’s burial site.

Initially, I “felt” okay at his plot, but as I was leaving… whoa…the water broke. Wow, I thought, this is not getting any easier! I am not really sure why visiting his site is so difficult. I mean I realize he is not there and only the remains of his human shell are buried. But, my heart hurts and longs for him and leaving the site just feels a certain kind of way. I don’t have words for the pain.

As I reflect on the grieving that I am still seeped in, I can only rely on the saving grace of our Savior, and console myself with His word which clearly states, He is with the broken hearted and all things work for my good. And though this DOES NOT feel good nor was my son’s death desired, I continue to hold on to … I am not in charge and G-D is in charge. He has made this decision for His purposes and the greater good. I don’t know who’s greater good, my son, my son’s son, family, friends or me…but I love the L-RD and I have to accept his will. I want to accept His will!

I guess I am a little bit of an overthinking person, and I want to know and understand…and yeah be in control. This causes me grief and grief to others, because it isn’t always enough for me just to be told something. Or even to just read something. I want to understand why. So overthinking is a challenge for me. But, in time I will get better with the help of the Holy Spirit.  One of the many things I love about the Spirit of G-D is that He will let you know about yourself and will help you grow if we allow Him. 😊

Anyway, I don’t really have a point, just sort of rambling. We all have burdens to bear in this life and my son’s passing is one of mine. I recently heard from my Rabbi who also lost his son. They still experience challenging times, but he looks forward to the resurrection. He said, he prays that I will focus on the resurrection of my son. He’s right and these words were comforting. I am grateful to have a loving and faithful Rabbi. 

It is easy for me to think about all the things my son could or should have done. The people he left behind, the ministry, the goals he desired, and the list goes on and on. But, obviously that wasn’t G-D’s plan. But, knowing that he was a believer, I need to focus on seeing him again and not on his lack of existence in this life. It’s hard to say the least. Maybe one day, I might get there.

To all the parents, especially moms who have lost a child or children, the road of grief is what it is, but our hope is in Messiah. Stand firm or weakly in faith and strength for the folks who are still needing you as you navigate this life. It’s difficult, but in Messiah all things are possible. 

Much Love,

Dee