Men are no good! They can’t be trusted! Men just want sex! They’re animals! Men are worthless! You don’t need a man to take care of you! The hell with them!

Have you heard such comments from friends, family, and/or co-workers? Have you paid attention to how men are ridiculed in the media, either blatantly or subtlety? I would venture to say we have all heard the aforementioned comments and many more; and we have been entertained by such foolish and degrading comments. Now, before you get tangled in a tizzy, the focus on this blog is about our men; husbands, brothers, sons and/or friends. So don’t go writing me about the injustices inflicted on women. I know all too well about the mistreatment of women, been there and have my graduate degrees with honors on being mistreated!

However, as a mother and grandmother of men, I want to know, why as a society are we hell-bent on demonizing our men! Think about it. The depth of the question is beyond the scope of this blog, but the evidence is all around us via media, within our work places, churches, synagogues and more. Feel free to email me with your thoughts.

We have moved so far away from the principles of G-d’s Torah (His teachings, laws) especially in our marriages that many women emasculate or belittle their husbands even sons, either intentionally or unintentionally on a regular basis. Sometimes, emasculation occurs during the dating process leaving some women to wonder, why has the man disappeared! So, if you do not espouse having a relationship with the Creator through His Son Yeshua, you might want to stop reading.

If you are still reading, marriage is G-d’s design between a biological male and a biological female; and within His design, He decided on the roles for each person…both equal in His sight and joint heirs in Yeshua, but different roles. Read your Bible. (Ephesians 5) However, regardless of one’s position within the marriage husband or wife, BOTH – (I am speaking to believers and followers of Yeshua) are required to love and respect each other, first submitted to G-d and then to each other. Yet, G-d told man to love His wife, because He knew men would struggle with the love part; and He told women to respect their husband and submit to His g-dly leadership, because He, G-d knew women would have difficulty respecting their man if He didn’t do or live up to their expectations.

Admit it! Many of us have extreme difficulty respecting our men/husbands, especially if they are inadequate in some way, including the bedroom. Thus as women, we can speak very harshly to our spouses in ways that wound them deeply, and in a manner which does not bring honor to G-d. G-d expects better from us and with the help of His breath, His Spirit, we can and should do better.

Some of us have been raised under an umbrella of criticism of men, because of negative female experiences. Others, joke about the “stupidity” of men, and are oblivious to how the toxicity of their words hurt men whether spouse, son, or friend. The media slams men due to the liberal notions prevalent in our society as well as undesirable actions of many men. Now, I get that every man who feels emasculated or small has not been verbally abused by his girlfriend, mother or wife…but that is not the point of this blog. I am again, speaking to women who claim to love and serve G-d; yet, WE have failed in honoring and respecting our men in some cases. And, though in the heat of the moment or in the “fun” of the moment it may seem justified; we are called to always show honor and respect to our men.

According to a recent article, a study was done in 2014 conducted by a neuropsychologist, Dr. David Lewis. This study demonstrated that men experienced more physiological changes in an emotional experiment than their female counterparts. This study according to the article in healthyway.com men feel emotions just as much as women, but are less willing to express these emotions openly due to societal expectations. Seriously, do we need a study to explain this to us? G-d’s word is clear on the vileness of the tongue and the necessity to love. (Ep. 4:29; Prov. 15:1; James 3:2-10) Any feeling human being is going to experience emotional currents good and harmful. The expression of such feelings or lack of expression may be different, but emotional feelings are part of being human. My point, contrary to our stance on how men may or may not feel, it is imperative as women of Yeshua that we treat our men with respect.

Listed below are some comments, we make intentionally or unintentionally, especially when we are totally and completely enraged with our spouse, fuming with resentment and/or full of self-righteousness. I confess, I have made derogatory remarks to the men I claimed to love. It wasn’t a pretty picture at best! I regret the disrespect I spewed in a belittling manner and I have suffered such grave loss because of my sins. Thank G-d for His forgiveness and learning from my mistakes.

Emasculating Actions/Comments:

• Calling him degrading names. In a loving relationship, there is no room for name calling. Men have feelings too, and to tell a man he has no courage, a loser, etc., because maybe he is not dealing with a situation per your methodology will cause him to feel insignificant as a man. Worst, hit him with derogatory sexual remarks…duck for cover!  (No physical violence of course.) Words bring life or death to the listener. Harsh words are a breeding ground for the evil one to infect the relationship with bitterness, hatred anger, adultery, and death (divorce).

• Pointing out his failings. Like us women, men are well aware of their flaws and do not need us to point them out or attempt to change them. In a loving relationship, we have to “love” the things we hate about the person, because part of loving someone is loving the whole person. If something is really an issue, then take the concern to G-d in prayer, and ask Him first to deal with the matter; and then to help you speak in kindness if applicable. And, remember, ladies, we spend an excessive amount of time and billions of dollars per year working on own our flaws. Maybe, we should spend just as much effort working on our inner woman.

• Rescuing him in a conversation. This might happen in a conversation with others and you jump in, pushing him aside and begin to talk or argue for him. The fact that you intervened may cause him to believe you think he is unable to talk or defend his argument. Let him talk. He is a grown man and does not need a mother. If you are having difficulty keeping quiet, politely excuse yourself and take a moment to pray and adjust.

• Criticizing him to family/friends. Keep your mouth closed! Personal matters between a husband and wife ought to stay between the couple, bar needing some counselling for a serious matter. Otherwise, criticizing your spouse because he doesn’t put down the toilet seat or eats with his mouth open or whatever, only glorifies that which you hate and makes him look awful to others. The point…don’t badmouth your man! Like momma use to say, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all! Besides, many times when women badmouth their spouses, long after the couple has made up, others remember and view him less favorably.

• Humiliating him in public. Arguments are inevitable. Couples disagree. Keep it private. If one argues in public, and the man retorts too loudly, then he could be labeled an abuser or the cops called. If there is arguing in front of the family, dad, brothers or Big Mama, then the issue escalates; and again, others will view him negatively. And, besides ladies, think about your reputation as a follower of Yeshua?

None of us are perfect, but as women who believe in Yeshua, we are commanded to respect our spouses. (Ephesians 5:33) And, though there are many other ways to emasculate or belittle our men, we ought to make a concerted effort to honor and cherish them. When we fail to honor the men in our lives, we ought to ask for forgiveness, even if we have belittled our sons, brothers, or other men.

If you have always honored and respected your spouse and others, then you are blessed and very special. For those who struggle in this area, ask G-d to help you. He is always available to hear our prayers and help us to overcome those sins which easily beset us.

Just saying,

Dr. Dee

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