Tag Archives: death of a son

A midst in time…

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You don’t even know if you will be alive tomorrow! For all you are is a mist that appears for a little while and then disappears. James 4:14 CJB

Oh, how true! The sudden and unexpected death of my son has struck my heart in many ways and sorrowfully emphasized the truth of G-D’s Word.

The sunny morning of October 19, 2024 was a typical Saturday morning until about 8:45 AM. Just a quick overview: My son and his fiance went for a hike up Stone Mountain in the park where he collapsed and died (unconfirmed) of a heart attack. According to his fiance’, she caught his head before he hit the ground, no pain, no words, just one tear streaming down his cheek. 

Aaron’s last steps…

In the short video clip of him walking prior to his death, there is no indication that he was going to die in moments after the filming. In the clip, he is saying that they needed to pace themselves because it was going to be a long walk. He looked amazing in the video, so full of life, handsome and smiling. 

The day before his death, we spoke briefly in the kitchen and we had plans to have a family dinner either Sunday or Monday before I was scheduled to fly to Europe. But, everything changed when the phone call came that he had collapsed. I immediately jumped out of bed starting praying and texting all the believers I knew would pray, as well as the leader of the Community I belong to. 

My fiance and I rushed to get where we needed to be to see about Aaron. Once we arrived at the hospital he wasn’t there though he should have been. I “knew” in my heart something wasn’t right. Why was it taking the ambulance so long to get to the hospital? I believe he had died already. 

Once he got there, they attempted to revive him, and for a split moment we thought he was coming back when the doctor said they had a slight pulse, but the pulse soon disappeared and the doctor called it. As they were working on him I saw some of their work and there was such numbness coming over me that I can’t really explain. His fiance’ was with me the whole time and endured the loss of her future husband.  

But, as a believer I felt inadequate and disappointed that my “faith”, prayers and the prayers of others did not bring Aaron back to this side of heaven. We hear miraculous stories of near death experiences, people coming back from the dead, etc., and though I wish Aaron was still here, I realize that each person’s days are numbered. [Psalms 90:12; 139;16]. But, there is still that wishing, should-of, and more.. that I am still grappling with each day.

My heart is still broken and I still want … but obviously, not my will but the L-RD’s. So much more to say, but this is all I can muster for now.

Loving the L-RD, Yeshua and missing my son,

DD

Romans 8:28

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Romans 8:28 is quoted often, especially when there is a negative event, situation, tragedy, death and/or all of the above. Have you ever heard Romans 8:28 quoted when things are amazing and wonderful? I can’t say I have.

But, have you ever wondered…what is good? How will I recognize it, and is it in this life or the life to come? How can I understand how all things work for my good. Theologically and practically I can come up with some things, but is that the good of G-D?

Today, February 19, 2025 is the fourth month since my son, Aaron passed away. And, though I have had some smiles and laughter since his death, I am still very sad and sorting through all the emotions. I just don’t understand how his death is working for my good? How his death is working for the good of his son, my grandson? 

I am brokenhearted, but I am relying on Adonai to help me be at peace. Since his passing I have had this “cough”…crazy cough. Sometimes I get so upset, I just start coughing. My body hurts and sometimes, I just want to sit and sleep or sleep and sit; and cry, and then cry some more. All these things are part of grief … so I have read and part of the process. And, though, I don’t understand the reason for my son’s sudden death, I can say, not my will but ABBA’s…for HE gives life and HE takes it away.  Job 1:21

I don’t really have a lot to say today. I heard a song, which says I wish Heaven had visiting hours…I mentioned this song before. And, if Heaven had visiting hours I would go see my son and all the loved ones who have died…my mom, grandma, dad, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, cousins, friends and even the folks that hated me in their living. 

Death stinks on this side of Heaven. But, my hope is in the resurrection of Yeshua. I cannot imagine going through this challenging period in my life without the hope of the L-RD. How lost and more devastated I would be.

Sad today,

Dr. Dee

Focus on the blessings…

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Over three months since Aaron’s passing and it still seems surreal and yet, final on this side of Heaven. So much has happened since his death and so many blessings have happened that I can’t name them all. Most people have been very kind, loving and generous, and for that I am extremely grateful! Yet, there have been some negative comments as well, which have stained my soul very deeply.

As a mother, we do the best we can with what we know and what we have. Most of us love our children desperately and attempt to provide for them beyond what we were given as children. This provision goes way beyond just material things, but emotional, spiritual nurturing and protection. However, as our children grow, they take their upbringing and their life experiences and become the adults they choose to be. We are all like this. We do the best we can to live this life, especially if we love the L-RD.

man on boat under blue sky
Aaron loved kayaking Photo by Jamie H on Pexels.com

We should be careful in our criticism of others. I often face this challenge. It is even more important with criticism of deceased ones who can’t defend themselves. Criticism is seeped in negative, evil, vile, and biased judgment of others. This observation may be based on gossip, disdain, or limited observations. Even if the criticism is accurate, we place ourselves in a position to be criticized and condemned by our Savior when we choose to condemn, criticize and convict others. Normally, what we recognize in others are the very traits we possess…good or bad.

Remember that scripture in Matthew 7:3-5? 

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The caveat to this Scripture…we will never see clearly because we are all flawed as human beings. Let us be mindful of our criticism of others and seek the L-RD’s guidance in counseling or relating to others. Consider some of the biblical great characters in the Bible. They were all flawed and failed, and needed the L-RD just like each of us.

As humans, we often find ourselves with negative thoughts about others, even ourselves. This is not good. I’m thinking that we ought to focus on seeing the best in ourselves and each other. We ought to focus on working out our salvation. I’m thinking we ought to focus on the blessings. I believe we should let the dead rest. We should think about the good and happy memories we shared while they were living. I’m also thinking that negative commentary about one’s deceased loved one causes additional hurt. It cruelly adds pain to a grieving mother. It also hurts anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. Like mama use to say, if you can’t say something nice then shut the h**l up!

goat with big horn
Photo by Johannes Haven on Pexels.com

Needless to say, I loved my son beyond what words I share or actions I take. His presence is gone from this place, and it saddens me. I have lost contact with him for now. His absence is a gaping hole in my life. It is also a gaping hole in the life of others who loved him very much. I am also distraught that his teenage son will have to navigate this life without his dad. Yet, I am grateful that my grandson has a wonderful mom and other loving family members to support him. They are his ram in the bush. 

Today, I am rambling and musing. Today, my heart cries loudly within. I truly miss my son! It was not my will or desire for my son to die at this time…but not my will but the L-RD’s! Death is the stranger we all must meet and there is no way we can avoid it. I wish we had more time together. I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my son, Aaron. Thank you L-RD!

Thank you ABBA for the gift of Aaron…for You give life, and You take it away. Thank you for the love you show us through others and your answers to our prayers. Thank you for all of your blessings. Thank you for our enemies, because they inadvertently point us back to you as our only daily and eternal hope. Thank you for the gift of Yeshua – my faith and hope for eternal salvation. Thank you for the hope to see my son Aaron again.  I have only lost contact with him for now!

Thank you L-RD!

Dr. Dee