Tag Archives: Grief

Our Fatal Disease…

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Are you prepared to die? Most of us live unprepared for death. We say we want to go to Heaven to be with the L-RD, but we don’t want to die. Or some may think by default, we will all be in Heaven someday…even if we have to endure purgatory for a while. But is that what the Scriptures suggest?

Since my son, Aaron passed away, I have been consumed with his death and those of my loved ones, Heaven and my own pending death. As a believer, we say we want the L-RD to come and we want to be with the L-RD, but do we really? Do we really want to leave this life on earth and be with Him or is this just religious babble? Do we really want to go to Heaven and live with the Creator and enjoy the plans He has for us that love Him, and if so what are we doing about it?

I can confess to you that prior to my son’s death, especially when I was younger, I cringed at the thought of being raptured/dying and leaving my children or not having the opportunity to accomplish my dreams, goals or see them grow. I worried about my kids’ salvation or them being stuck on this planet; and all the other things that weigh down a mother’s heart. So even if I said, L-RD please come, honestly, I am not sure I truly meant it at the time in the depths of my heart.

However, since my son has passed, and I am living in my golden years, I am consumed with Heaven. Even prior to his death, I read numerous stories about NDE’s (near death experiences) which I found intriguing as well as comforting. Yet, there has been a shifting that has occurred in my soul that I cannot logically describe or really understand myself. So many things I thought were important seem so insignificant. I see the Creator in nature and others more than ever before, and long to be with Him. And though I love my husband, family and friends desperately, they cannot comfort, heal or save me from my grief or ultimate terminal disease called death.

I admit I am frail and weak. The weakness and frailty I have walked in has caused much grief and pain. This is something I truly regret. However, G-D in his provision has provided me (all of us) with a way for redemption…Yeshua. Yeshua has provided redemption for everyone. Being a believer in Yeshua first begins with faith in what He did on the Cross for our salvation in this life and the life to come. Then the rest is growing in Him. When we have pledged our allegiance to Him, this is our preparation for death.

sea of clouds during sunset
Photo by Aleksejs Bergmanis on Pexels.com

Growing and trusting is working out our salvation. Being a believer is work…not works to get redeemed, but works (following His commandments) because we are redeemed. We are only redeemed/saved by His Grace. As we grow in faith and live out our faith in Yeshua, we will experience love, joy, shalom, be an example for others, as well as suffer various disappointments and challenges. But, irrespective of our condition as we journey through life, if we love and trust the L-RD, HE promises to never forsake us or leave us. 

As human beings we all have a fatal and inoperable disease, called death. We can’t run or hide when the time comes for us to exit this earth.  So the question remains, are you prepared to die? 

In Him,

Dr. Dee

Focus on the blessings…

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Over three months since Aaron’s passing and it still seems surreal and yet, final on this side of Heaven. So much has happened since his death and so many blessings have happened that I can’t name them all. Most people have been very kind, loving and generous, and for that I am extremely grateful! Yet, there have been some negative comments as well, which have stained my soul very deeply.

As a mother, we do the best we can with what we know and what we have. Most of us love our children desperately and attempt to provide for them beyond what we were given as children. This provision goes way beyond just material things, but emotional, spiritual nurturing and protection. However, as our children grow, they take their upbringing and their life experiences and become the adults they choose to be. We are all like this. We do the best we can to live this life, especially if we love the L-RD.

man on boat under blue sky
Aaron loved kayaking Photo by Jamie H on Pexels.com

We should be careful in our criticism of others. I often face this challenge. It is even more important with criticism of deceased ones who can’t defend themselves. Criticism is seeped in negative, evil, vile, and biased judgment of others. This observation may be based on gossip, disdain, or limited observations. Even if the criticism is accurate, we place ourselves in a position to be criticized and condemned by our Savior when we choose to condemn, criticize and convict others. Normally, what we recognize in others are the very traits we possess…good or bad.

Remember that scripture in Matthew 7:3-5? 

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The caveat to this Scripture…we will never see clearly because we are all flawed as human beings. Let us be mindful of our criticism of others and seek the L-RD’s guidance in counseling or relating to others. Consider some of the biblical great characters in the Bible. They were all flawed and failed, and needed the L-RD just like each of us.

As humans, we often find ourselves with negative thoughts about others, even ourselves. This is not good. I’m thinking that we ought to focus on seeing the best in ourselves and each other. We ought to focus on working out our salvation. I’m thinking we ought to focus on the blessings. I believe we should let the dead rest. We should think about the good and happy memories we shared while they were living. I’m also thinking that negative commentary about one’s deceased loved one causes additional hurt. It cruelly adds pain to a grieving mother. It also hurts anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. Like mama use to say, if you can’t say something nice then shut the h**l up!

goat with big horn
Photo by Johannes Haven on Pexels.com

Needless to say, I loved my son beyond what words I share or actions I take. His presence is gone from this place, and it saddens me. I have lost contact with him for now. His absence is a gaping hole in my life. It is also a gaping hole in the life of others who loved him very much. I am also distraught that his teenage son will have to navigate this life without his dad. Yet, I am grateful that my grandson has a wonderful mom and other loving family members to support him. They are his ram in the bush. 

Today, I am rambling and musing. Today, my heart cries loudly within. I truly miss my son! It was not my will or desire for my son to die at this time…but not my will but the L-RD’s! Death is the stranger we all must meet and there is no way we can avoid it. I wish we had more time together. I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my son, Aaron. Thank you L-RD!

Thank you ABBA for the gift of Aaron…for You give life, and You take it away. Thank you for the love you show us through others and your answers to our prayers. Thank you for all of your blessings. Thank you for our enemies, because they inadvertently point us back to you as our only daily and eternal hope. Thank you for the gift of Yeshua – my faith and hope for eternal salvation. Thank you for the hope to see my son Aaron again.  I have only lost contact with him for now!

Thank you L-RD!

Dr. Dee

One heart beat at a time…

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To say that life has been challenging would be a tremendous understatement! My emotions are all over the place…up, down, sad, excited, thrilled, overwhelmed, annoyed, ecstatic, depressed…all at once with many other emotions as well. I am not sure if I am navigating or just getting by; or if I am being pushed or led and/or all of the above.

If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that my youngest adult son, Aaron died on October 19, 2024 – suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. He dropped and died walking with his fiancee early that morning at a local park. To say, my heart was broken and devastated fails to speak to my dismay. 

However, in my grief then and now, the hand of ABBA is very evident and provides the comfort I need to continue on the path of healing. Writing to you, helps as well, though I may never hear words of condolences. I miss him every day and think of him all throughout the day, and oftentimes mask my grief behind smiles to keep others around me comfortable. 

I have noticed that sometimes people are uncomfortable with a grieving mom and I truly understand. I am uncomfortable as a grieving mom, but this is my burden to bear as Yeshua heals my heart, one beat at a time.

On the flip side, I was recently married to a wonderful man who has proven his love and commitment to me over and over again. I couldn’t ask for a better husband and devoted companion. We have shared troubled histories, but we have found true love in each other.

Briefly, we met about a year ago, and got engaged about 6 months into the relationship. He is well liked by my family, friends, my Rabbi and folks from my worship community. He is my dream come true as I have struggled to believe that G-D would bless me with a wonderful man given my history. I am grateful and look forward to an adventurous and happy life in the sunset years of our lives.

So, in addition to my deep sadness over the loss of my son, I am extremely happy to be with my b’sheirt (soulmate) in a loving relationship. 

So my dilemma …. I am so very happy and so very sad. Most days these feelings are compartmentalized, but other days one extreme overrides the other and feelings of guilt on both ends attempts to raise its guilty head.

Yeah, so I’m human and the struggle is real! But, G-D, creator of the Universe through Yeshua the anchor of my soul, is my steadfast path to healing and salvation one heart beat at a time!

Just saying, 

Dr. Dee

My Last Born…

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My beloved son, Aaron Nathanael Thompson June 15, 1989 to October 19, 2024

It is 1:53 AM in Central Europe where I am currently staying, and I am particularly sad and missing my son, Aaron. There are so many things I miss about him, but I think the greatest thing I miss is his authenticity. 

He was flawed like the rest of us, but he admitted his mistakes and attempted to grow and get better. He was extremely intelligent and would often send me texts or videos about something he learned or found interesting. Aaron was a deep thinker and did not take things at face value. He challenged the status quo and desired to make a creative difference.

It has been a little over two months since his death and oftentimes it still seems unreal. Lately, I I have felt lonely in addition to sadness because he isn’t on this side of Heaven. Sometimes the silence of his absence is deafening and my soul silently weeps even when surrounded by others.

Someone sent me a song which speaks to my mood at this moment, and the lyrics contain the phrases, I wish heaven had visiting hours…If I could visit, I would ask if I could bring you home, but I know the answer and it would be best for you to stay. This is my heart right now.  I appreciate the time G-D allowed me to serve as his mom and the time He allowed Aaron to spend with his family, especially his teenage son.

Learn from death…to love people while you can and tell them that you love them, even when they act in unlovable ways. I wish I had told my son every single day or at least every single time we spoke or texted that I loved him. 

Dee

Grateful…

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Today, November 28, 2024 is my first Thanksgiving Holiday living in a different country and not spending it with family, especially my son, Aaron. Aaron suddenly passed away a little over a month ago at the time of this writing and there have been major changes in my life. To say that his death has been a major shift in my entire being is a tragic understatement. I am experiencing so many emotions all at once that many moments throughout the day I do not recognize myself, feel G-D or even care about the things and events around me.

My beloved son, Aaron Nathanael Thompson - June 15, 1989 to October 19, 2024

Yet, on the other hand, planned before he died, I am engaged and living in Europe. I am elated about my new life’s adventure and realize this is the path G-D has for me, but I am very sad about my son’s passing and life’s journey without him. Very sad and very happy all at once…go figure!

My son was so many things; very intelligent, complex, deep-thinker, athletic, fearless, creative and bold. However, like all of us, he wasn’t perfect, but he worked on being his best self. He had a relationship with ABBA and I learned many things from Him. I cherish his memory and again, I am grateful to have served as his mom.

His sudden death took all of us by surprise. Yet, I had a knowing when I moved back to GA and purchased a home large enough for him and his family to live with me. Since, his death, I have disposed of all of my things and put my home up for sale without thought or regret.

There are so many things I would like to share with you, but for now, the most important thoughts I have are centered around how grateful I am to have been his mom and a couple of blessings that were realized after his death.

First of all, he indicated on his driver’s license that he wanted to be an organ donor. I had no idea, and as I toiled with honoring his wishes, I was counseled that his desires were an act of kindness. Aaron had been a recipient from an organ donor as a baby and in his death he could give back. I chose to honor his wishes.

Our family had been estranged for a few years and in his death there was reconciliation, harmony and joy. People stepped up in many ways to provide comfort, support, financial gifts, help and more. All the love shown during my son’s passing was very much appreciated. 

So even during my pain of grief, I can be grateful for the time G-D allowed Aaron to grace my/our lives and I can rejoice in the memories we shared. So much more…but for now, Shalom.

In Him,

Dee

Too well loved to be forgotten… My beloved son, Aaron Nathanael Thompson – June 15, 1989 to October 19, 2024

Can’t do FEAR…

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In response to the shooting at STEM School in CO, May 7, 2019.

Yesterday a friend from CA asked if I was afraid to go to work everyday. Did I worry about shooters at my school? My response… No! Occasionally the thought may come across my mind, but I do not wake up and asked myself, “Will I be shot today or will one of my students, co-workers, etc. be a victim or a perpetrator? No! At the end of the day, my coming, going and/or staying is in the protection of G-D.

I can’t and will not carry the burden of worrying about someone viciously attacking me or my students, or (my children or grandchildren) each day! If I did this, I would not be an effective teacher. I would go crazy without a ticket back to sanity!

Needless to say, I am extremely sadden by the attack on our youth. I am grieved by yet… another shooting… another fatal victim… other victims who have endured physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological trauma. Each school shooting shatters our community in negatively immeasurable ways… nationwide with a long road to some semblance of recovery. As an educator my heart aches, my heart doesn’t comprehend.

As a mom and grandma, I can’t imagine the horrific grief of his parents, grandparents and others who loved and will miss him. My prayers and sincere condolences go out to them! He was a Superhero … no greater love than a man who would lay his life down for another. Someone else did this for us! Someone greater and waiting for all to call upon Him.

Just saying,

Dr. Dee