Wedding receptions as we know are usually held after the official ceremony of the joining of a man and woman in holy matrimony. This is usually a joyous occasion to receive family and friends allowing the newly married couple to host guests and express their gratitude.
The reception usually has several components in addition to hosting guests. It is a way of introducing the couple to society as husband and wife; creates lasting memories and it is a way for the couple to express personal, religious, and cultural traditions through music, food and decor.
Likewise, following a funeral, the reception or repast allows family and friends to gather to share memories, offer condolences and celebrate the life of the deceased. Further, memorial services/repasts express the religious, personal and cultural traditions through music, food and decor somewhat like a wedding reception. However, unlike a wedding reception, this sober celebration allows family and friends to say goodbye to the deceased and many times offer sincere or insincere follow up support to the bereaved.
After the wedding, many may talk about the event and reach out to the new couple, but as the weeks pass and folks return to their normal activities, frequent calls or check-ins cease. The same is true after a funeral. After a brief time, calls, texts, emails cease. The bereaved is left alone to grieve in the stillness, the darkness and the newness of daily living without their beloved.
Grieving is a hard and lonely road. And, few friends/acquaintances knew/know how to approach the subject, and therefore remained silent or distant. Most conversations usually danced around the elephant in the room as grieving percolated in my soul. Though conversations and check-ins are always welcomed, direct questions concerning my well-being were often longed for in regards to the death of my son. The new normal as some have coined is not normal, but a different forced reality.
But, if it hadn’t been for Yeshua, my L-RD, Savior and King along with a few G-DLY people in my life, I probably would be in the abyss of depression and sadness even now. I thank G-D for the prayers and encouragement I received when my son passed. May HaShem bless them each moment of each day.
So now, approximately 16 months after his death, days are a little lighter and I am grateful. I have reconnected with a beautiful sister-in-the-faith who also experienced the sudden death of her son. Our reconnection and chats are uplifting and spiritually inspiring. However, not a day goes by that I do not think and/or mourn his absence. I still have difficulty looking at pictures when he is looking directly into the camera and I can see his eyes. Yet, if I focus on Aaron’s smile, I can see him in my mind’s eye, alive, happy and well. Of course, I would love for him to drop by and say hello…just wishful thinking, I know. But, I am holding on to the hope that we will see each other again in that glorious Kingdom of our Creator.
So why the rambling? I just want to encourage others. If you know someone that has lost a child (children) know that they are living with the pain of that loss each and every day. The pain does not go away, it just marinates in our hearts and either clarifies or clouds our vision. What do I mean?
As a believer and follower of Yeshua (Jesus), I know that ALL things work together for my good whether I like it or not; whether it was my choosing or my doing. And, although I struggle with wanting to be the boss and in control of my life, my son’s death has loudly and emphatically reiterated that I am not in charge. Not now, never have been and never will not be in control, especially as a believer in Yeshua. My control is only in choosing to live for Him and then allow Him to help me grow in trust, devotion and obedience to Him. Therefore, for me, Aaron’s death was and is clarifying. It is part of my sanctification as He transforms me.
For others, the death of a child might cloud or blind their direction and send them down paths of negativity and destruction. This ought not to be. And our prayers should be with those who die with their loved ones and have no hope. Though death is a temporary separation and it is painful, our hope is in the L-RD. When we have pledged our allegiance to Him, we believe we will be with Him in eternity.
So much more I could say, but I will wrap it up with this…put yourself in the shoes of someone who has lost a child, and remember to reach out to them every now and then. Don’t be afraid to bring up their loved one…we don’t want them forgotten and we want to talk about them. It brings comfort to talk about those we are separated from on this side of Heaven.
I carried Aaron in my womb for 9 months. Today, I carry him in my heart … now and always.
May the memory of a child or children be a blessing and a comfort.
Loving ABBA,
Dee
The L-RD is near to the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV
