Tag Archives: musings

Our Hope…

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Miryam, the mother of Yeshua, is the fourth most mentioned person in the Bible after Yeshua (Jesus), Peter and Paul. (Mother of Yeshua). Yet, there isn’t much written about her in the Renewed Covenant. We know that she agreed to be the mother of Yeshua; we know she was at the wedding in Cana; we know she was at Yeshua’s crucifixion, burial and ascension; as well as the giving of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) in Acts to name a few.

However, we do not read in Scripture how she may have felt as her son was beaten, tortured and slaughtered for the sake of providing redemption to humankind. Or any ordinary or extraordinary events that may have happened as Yeshua was growing up, except for Yeshua teaching at the temple at the age of 12. However, her pain, grief and horror as the events of Yeshua’s arrest and death unfolded, and the agony she must have endured during this time had to be excruciating. Miryam, Hebrew for Mary, I believe knew G-D’s plan, but wept (an understatement) during the horrendous events of Yeshua’s trial and death.

Yet, conversely, her overwhelming relief and jubilation (an understatement) upon seeing Him after the resurrection must have been exceedingly delightful for her. I can only imagine these two polarizing events: her enormous sorrow and extreme joy…her son’s death and resurrection. There are no words to describe the plausible depth of her feelings.

As a mom and grandmother, I can’t wrap my head and heart around why Yeshua had to die in such a brutal manner.  And, why would He even want to, for such sinful creatures as ourselves! Still, G-D’s ways and thoughts extend far beyond my/our understanding, and I am grateful that He has provided salvation for us. I would think Miryam might have had conflicting thoughts as well. However, because of her obedience she bore the emotional burden of His death.

heart on sand
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I am encouraged by Miryam as I reflect on her pain and joy. I look forward to seeing ABBA, Yeshua, my son and all my family members who have passed on. For now, I am bearing the pain of my son’s passing, but I am looking forward to seeing him again. Miryam’s appearance, though brief in the Scriptures, exemplifies obedience to the will of Our Father and love for her Son and Savior. 

This is the season of Passover, First Fruits, Good Friday, Resurrection of our Savior and counting of the Omer. During this season, as believers, our focus ought to be on our relationship with ABBA and to each other. Yeshua’s death on the cross was the ultimate act of love. He gave His life so that we might have life in Him. Yet, we must remember the cost for our redemption in Him and live accordingly.  Our freedom from eternal death requires our faith, our allegiance, our love, our trust, our obedience and more in Yeshua. (John 14:15-17) Yeshua’s life, death and resurrection are supernatural love events which keeps giving if we choose Him. Yeshua the last “Adam” has become a life-giving Spirit. (I Corn 15:45) Is He your choice?

My point, during this season of reflection and renewal let us remember who and why we worship the Living King who sits on the throne next to Our Heavenly Father. Let us remember the conflicting feelings Miryam probably had when our Savior freely died for us.  Reflect on your loved ones who have died and rejoice in the hope of the resurrection. (I Corn 15)

We do not understand the plans of our Creator, but we are obliged to worship, trust and obey Him. We are obliged to worship and serve the King of kings and the L-RD of lords every day. We are directed to have no other gods as a substitute for HIM. During this season, let us choose ABBA through Yeshua. Let us choose the PROVIDER of our hope in the resurrection.

In Him,

Dr. Dee

Why me?

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Suffering usually brings about the question – WHY ME? As believers, our response to suffering ought to be why not me? Yeshua said we would suffer and we would have trials and tribulations in this realm. But, what about…

If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that my youngest adult son, Aaron passed away on October 19, 2024. And, as I have mentioned before, my healing is one heart beat at a time. Some days are better than other days. Today is a pretty good day. It is a gorgeous sunny day in Europe, quietness blankets the neighborhood and I’m not crying as I am writing this post.

Earlier today, I was thinking about why me, why did my son have to die and I started to weep, but in the next moment I thought…why not me, for Yeshua said I would suffer in this life, (paraphrased). Yeshua died and His mom wept as did His Father. So does that make suffering less painful or easier? You know the answer, but it should give us some comfort and perspective. I’m not there yet.

dramatic landscape of island geological rift
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My son’s death has been the hardest emotional earthquake I have ever known. I have had many emotional storms and losses throughout my life. The passing of other family members though devastating hasn’t compared to the losing of my son. Previous failed relationships though hurtful and disappointing, again no comparison. Divorce, loss of material wealth, Covid, surgery, sickness, all seem inconsequential to his passing. Yet, his death is a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life. I’m figuring I will get past the devastation of his death, but I will always carry him in my heart and I will always love and miss my son.

Aaron would not want me to be as sad as I am. I can hear his voice in my head, Ma relax, I’m good. I’m working on that part as well, i.e., trying to relax – be at peace! Aaron used to tell me that we (believers) do not have a clue as to how much G-D truly loves us, so I have to believe he, Aaron is with the L-RD. And, yes, I believe Yeshua loves us, but some days when I am really sad and feeling isolated, I want to feel the love of the Father and see His face. I desire a big hug from the L-RD! 

I realize there are some of you who have also lost a child or children and your hearts are broken as well. I know the pain. I pray in some small way, my sharing will bring some sense of something. I don’t even have a word for something, but hopefully you get it. 

In Psalm 34:18, it reads, The L-RD is close to the brokenhearted. For those of us who have lost children or a loved one, let us be comforted by this Scripture. And, when we doubt this to be true, let’s seek ABBA for confirmation and peace.

So, during my times of suffering…why not me? I deserve suffering. I’m no better than the next person, but I’m grateful for HIS promise of comfort, love and Shalom. 

It’s a pretty good day!

Dr. Dee

You can’t make this stuff up…

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Today, we went to the cemetery to visit the graveside of my husband’s sister, and while there, the graveside in front of her belonged to a baby named “Aron” from the year 2023 – 2024.

On the way home, I asked my husband what was the date of his sister’s death…October 17, 2017. My son died on October 19, 2025. His sister’s death was seven years prior to Aaron’s and as a couple, we have only been together for 13 months. Seven means completion in the Bible. Interesting…

While at the cemetery, I managed a prayer and sensed again gratitude for G-D giving us 16 extra years with Aaron. The tombstone of the year old baby was a stark reminder of G-D’s blessing us with additional time. I also felt as if “Aaron” had followed me to Europe. In that moment of praying, looking up at the cloudy skies and the tombstone in front of me, I sensed I am where I am supposed to be.

I know to some it may seem like just a coincidence, but in G-D there are no coincidences…for He orders our steps. Of course I don’t know what it all means, but to me it certainly seemed like a G-D moment and my heart was deeply touched.

We often look for G-D in huge miraculous events and we fail to notice Him constantly through all the ways He makes His presence known in our lives daily. His comfort in our times of need can be unique. Since Aaron’s death I seem to notice Him more and more in everyday situations and people. I am also more keenly aware when He isn’t there.

Losing my son has been one of the hardest emotional journeys I have had to endure. It is a journey that is not my choice. I can’t articulate the hurt, regret, longing, and more. One day I’m feeling okay even with my thoughts of him. The next day or even on the same day, I am overwhelmed with sadness and wish I could just text, chat or see him. I have so many things I still want to share with Aaron.

And, so my heart keeps beating and I keep reaching out to ABBA to help me navigate this journey. He has promised to be near the broken hearted. My heart is broken.

The L-RD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

All praise goes to G-D, Father of our L-RD Yeshua, the Anointed One. He is the Father of compassion, the G-D of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
red paper heart ripped in half on dark background broken heart separation concept
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One heart beat at a time,

Dr. Dee

Romans 8:28

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Romans 8:28 is quoted often, especially when there is a negative event, situation, tragedy, death and/or all of the above. Have you ever heard Romans 8:28 quoted when things are amazing and wonderful? I can’t say I have.

But, have you ever wondered…what is good? How will I recognize it, and is it in this life or the life to come? How can I understand how all things work for my good. Theologically and practically I can come up with some things, but is that the good of G-D?

Today, February 19, 2025 is the fourth month since my son, Aaron passed away. And, though I have had some smiles and laughter since his death, I am still very sad and sorting through all the emotions. I just don’t understand how his death is working for my good? How his death is working for the good of his son, my grandson? 

I am brokenhearted, but I am relying on Adonai to help me be at peace. Since his passing I have had this “cough”…crazy cough. Sometimes I get so upset, I just start coughing. My body hurts and sometimes, I just want to sit and sleep or sleep and sit; and cry, and then cry some more. All these things are part of grief … so I have read and part of the process. And, though, I don’t understand the reason for my son’s sudden death, I can say, not my will but ABBA’s…for HE gives life and HE takes it away.  Job 1:21

I don’t really have a lot to say today. I heard a song, which says I wish Heaven had visiting hours…I mentioned this song before. And, if Heaven had visiting hours I would go see my son and all the loved ones who have died…my mom, grandma, dad, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, cousins, friends and even the folks that hated me in their living. 

Death stinks on this side of Heaven. But, my hope is in the resurrection of Yeshua. I cannot imagine going through this challenging period in my life without the hope of the L-RD. How lost and more devastated I would be.

Sad today,

Dr. Dee

Our Fatal Disease…

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Are you prepared to die? Most of us live unprepared for death. We say we want to go to Heaven to be with the L-RD, but we don’t want to die. Or some may think by default, we will all be in Heaven someday…even if we have to endure purgatory for a while. But is that what the Scriptures suggest?

Since my son, Aaron passed away, I have been consumed with his death and those of my loved ones, Heaven and my own pending death. As a believer, we say we want the L-RD to come and we want to be with the L-RD, but do we really? Do we really want to leave this life on earth and be with Him or is this just religious babble? Do we really want to go to Heaven and live with the Creator and enjoy the plans He has for us that love Him, and if so what are we doing about it?

I can confess to you that prior to my son’s death, especially when I was younger, I cringed at the thought of being raptured/dying and leaving my children or not having the opportunity to accomplish my dreams, goals or see them grow. I worried about my kids’ salvation or them being stuck on this planet; and all the other things that weigh down a mother’s heart. So even if I said, L-RD please come, honestly, I am not sure I truly meant it at the time in the depths of my heart.

However, since my son has passed, and I am living in my golden years, I am consumed with Heaven. Even prior to his death, I read numerous stories about NDE’s (near death experiences) which I found intriguing as well as comforting. Yet, there has been a shifting that has occurred in my soul that I cannot logically describe or really understand myself. So many things I thought were important seem so insignificant. I see the Creator in nature and others more than ever before, and long to be with Him. And though I love my husband, family and friends desperately, they cannot comfort, heal or save me from my grief or ultimate terminal disease called death.

I admit I am frail and weak. The weakness and frailty I have walked in has caused much grief and pain. This is something I truly regret. However, G-D in his provision has provided me (all of us) with a way for redemption…Yeshua. Yeshua has provided redemption for everyone. Being a believer in Yeshua first begins with faith in what He did on the Cross for our salvation in this life and the life to come. Then the rest is growing in Him. When we have pledged our allegiance to Him, this is our preparation for death.

sea of clouds during sunset
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Growing and trusting is working out our salvation. Being a believer is work…not works to get redeemed, but works (following His commandments) because we are redeemed. We are only redeemed/saved by His Grace. As we grow in faith and live out our faith in Yeshua, we will experience love, joy, shalom, be an example for others, as well as suffer various disappointments and challenges. But, irrespective of our condition as we journey through life, if we love and trust the L-RD, HE promises to never forsake us or leave us. 

As human beings we all have a fatal and inoperable disease, called death. We can’t run or hide when the time comes for us to exit this earth.  So the question remains, are you prepared to die? 

In Him,

Dr. Dee

Focus on the blessings…

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Over three months since Aaron’s passing and it still seems surreal and yet, final on this side of Heaven. So much has happened since his death and so many blessings have happened that I can’t name them all. Most people have been very kind, loving and generous, and for that I am extremely grateful! Yet, there have been some negative comments as well, which have stained my soul very deeply.

As a mother, we do the best we can with what we know and what we have. Most of us love our children desperately and attempt to provide for them beyond what we were given as children. This provision goes way beyond just material things, but emotional, spiritual nurturing and protection. However, as our children grow, they take their upbringing and their life experiences and become the adults they choose to be. We are all like this. We do the best we can to live this life, especially if we love the L-RD.

man on boat under blue sky
Aaron loved kayaking Photo by Jamie H on Pexels.com

We should be careful in our criticism of others. I often face this challenge. It is even more important with criticism of deceased ones who can’t defend themselves. Criticism is seeped in negative, evil, vile, and biased judgment of others. This observation may be based on gossip, disdain, or limited observations. Even if the criticism is accurate, we place ourselves in a position to be criticized and condemned by our Savior when we choose to condemn, criticize and convict others. Normally, what we recognize in others are the very traits we possess…good or bad.

Remember that scripture in Matthew 7:3-5? 

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The caveat to this Scripture…we will never see clearly because we are all flawed as human beings. Let us be mindful of our criticism of others and seek the L-RD’s guidance in counseling or relating to others. Consider some of the biblical great characters in the Bible. They were all flawed and failed, and needed the L-RD just like each of us.

As humans, we often find ourselves with negative thoughts about others, even ourselves. This is not good. I’m thinking that we ought to focus on seeing the best in ourselves and each other. We ought to focus on working out our salvation. I’m thinking we ought to focus on the blessings. I believe we should let the dead rest. We should think about the good and happy memories we shared while they were living. I’m also thinking that negative commentary about one’s deceased loved one causes additional hurt. It cruelly adds pain to a grieving mother. It also hurts anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. Like mama use to say, if you can’t say something nice then shut the h**l up!

goat with big horn
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Needless to say, I loved my son beyond what words I share or actions I take. His presence is gone from this place, and it saddens me. I have lost contact with him for now. His absence is a gaping hole in my life. It is also a gaping hole in the life of others who loved him very much. I am also distraught that his teenage son will have to navigate this life without his dad. Yet, I am grateful that my grandson has a wonderful mom and other loving family members to support him. They are his ram in the bush. 

Today, I am rambling and musing. Today, my heart cries loudly within. I truly miss my son! It was not my will or desire for my son to die at this time…but not my will but the L-RD’s! Death is the stranger we all must meet and there is no way we can avoid it. I wish we had more time together. I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my son, Aaron. Thank you L-RD!

Thank you ABBA for the gift of Aaron…for You give life, and You take it away. Thank you for the love you show us through others and your answers to our prayers. Thank you for all of your blessings. Thank you for our enemies, because they inadvertently point us back to you as our only daily and eternal hope. Thank you for the gift of Yeshua – my faith and hope for eternal salvation. Thank you for the hope to see my son Aaron again.  I have only lost contact with him for now!

Thank you L-RD!

Dr. Dee

One heart beat at a time…

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To say that life has been challenging would be a tremendous understatement! My emotions are all over the place…up, down, sad, excited, thrilled, overwhelmed, annoyed, ecstatic, depressed…all at once with many other emotions as well. I am not sure if I am navigating or just getting by; or if I am being pushed or led and/or all of the above.

If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that my youngest adult son, Aaron died on October 19, 2024 – suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack. He dropped and died walking with his fiancee early that morning at a local park. To say, my heart was broken and devastated fails to speak to my dismay. 

However, in my grief then and now, the hand of ABBA is very evident and provides the comfort I need to continue on the path of healing. Writing to you, helps as well, though I may never hear words of condolences. I miss him every day and think of him all throughout the day, and oftentimes mask my grief behind smiles to keep others around me comfortable. 

I have noticed that sometimes people are uncomfortable with a grieving mom and I truly understand. I am uncomfortable as a grieving mom, but this is my burden to bear as Yeshua heals my heart, one beat at a time.

On the flip side, I was recently married to a wonderful man who has proven his love and commitment to me over and over again. I couldn’t ask for a better husband and devoted companion. We have shared troubled histories, but we have found true love in each other.

Briefly, we met about a year ago, and got engaged about 6 months into the relationship. He is well liked by my family, friends, my Rabbi and folks from my worship community. He is my dream come true as I have struggled to believe that G-D would bless me with a wonderful man given my history. I am grateful and look forward to an adventurous and happy life in the sunset years of our lives.

So, in addition to my deep sadness over the loss of my son, I am extremely happy to be with my b’sheirt (soulmate) in a loving relationship. 

So my dilemma …. I am so very happy and so very sad. Most days these feelings are compartmentalized, but other days one extreme overrides the other and feelings of guilt on both ends attempts to raise its guilty head.

Yeah, so I’m human and the struggle is real! But, G-D, creator of the Universe through Yeshua the anchor of my soul, is my steadfast path to healing and salvation one heart beat at a time!

Just saying, 

Dr. Dee

Grateful…

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Today, November 28, 2024 is my first Thanksgiving Holiday living in a different country and not spending it with family, especially my son, Aaron. Aaron suddenly passed away a little over a month ago at the time of this writing and there have been major changes in my life. To say that his death has been a major shift in my entire being is a tragic understatement. I am experiencing so many emotions all at once that many moments throughout the day I do not recognize myself, feel G-D or even care about the things and events around me.

My beloved son, Aaron Nathanael Thompson - June 15, 1989 to October 19, 2024

Yet, on the other hand, planned before he died, I am engaged and living in Europe. I am elated about my new life’s adventure and realize this is the path G-D has for me, but I am very sad about my son’s passing and life’s journey without him. Very sad and very happy all at once…go figure!

My son was so many things; very intelligent, complex, deep-thinker, athletic, fearless, creative and bold. However, like all of us, he wasn’t perfect, but he worked on being his best self. He had a relationship with ABBA and I learned many things from Him. I cherish his memory and again, I am grateful to have served as his mom.

His sudden death took all of us by surprise. Yet, I had a knowing when I moved back to GA and purchased a home large enough for him and his family to live with me. Since, his death, I have disposed of all of my things and put my home up for sale without thought or regret.

There are so many things I would like to share with you, but for now, the most important thoughts I have are centered around how grateful I am to have been his mom and a couple of blessings that were realized after his death.

First of all, he indicated on his driver’s license that he wanted to be an organ donor. I had no idea, and as I toiled with honoring his wishes, I was counseled that his desires were an act of kindness. Aaron had been a recipient from an organ donor as a baby and in his death he could give back. I chose to honor his wishes.

Our family had been estranged for a few years and in his death there was reconciliation, harmony and joy. People stepped up in many ways to provide comfort, support, financial gifts, help and more. All the love shown during my son’s passing was very much appreciated. 

So even during my pain of grief, I can be grateful for the time G-D allowed Aaron to grace my/our lives and I can rejoice in the memories we shared. So much more…but for now, Shalom.

In Him,

Dee

Too well loved to be forgotten… My beloved son, Aaron Nathanael Thompson – June 15, 1989 to October 19, 2024

Twisted Tongues…

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book opened on white surface selective focus photography
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Currently, I am reading a book called Chofetz Chaim. I have only read the first few pages and, yet, I am overwhelmed and blessed by the profundity of the laws of proper speech according to some Rabbis in order to please HaShem and live at peace with others.

As a believer in Yeshua, for the last year or so, I have been working on proper G-DLY speech and what that sounds like. Most of us realize that gossip, criticism, and negative speech is harmful to both ourselves and to the hearers of our words as well as violates Torah. However, there is a much deeper issue according to the Torah commentaries and the authors of this particular book.

Many know the story of Miriam who was struck with leprosy due to evil speech about her brother Moses. Traditionally in Christian circles, her condition has been named leprosy but is really a different condition based on Judaic thought. This in-depth analysis of biblical leprosy is not the focus of this blog. I just want to highlight the overall theme.

Musing: One of the most amazing things in this book is the idea of the creation of the tongue…partially hidden and partially revealed. The tongue though not seen is heard…just like the heart is not seen, but what comes out of the heart is displayed and/or heard. Further, out of the heart comes rivers of life and/or death depending on the individual speaking.

LaShon Hara or evil speech has planted seeds of destruction in marriages, relationships, and every human interaction we can think of. The twisted tongue if not aligned with G-D’s good pleasure will kill, lie, and destroy. And, why? Because as human beings we are inclined to judge and criticize others though we are much more deserving of criticism and judgement. We are all guilty of evil speech (even complaining) and unless we are actively aware of this and allow the Spirit of G-D to transform us, we speak evil constantly of others … even unaware.

If we could envision that each person has a drop of the image of G-D planted within them, then evil, derogatory, damaging speech would be eliminated at least some of the time. We would use our words to build up others instead of tear each other down in order to falsely build ourselves up. What a better world we might live in if people did not complain, criticize, humiliate, demonize, belittle, shame, curse, etc., etc. each other! Can you imagine?

As believers in HaShem, it is our responsibility to live according to His Torah (teachings) and be the light and salt of this world as commanded by our Savior Yeshua. Our speech, whether good or bad, reflects our heart’s condition. All manner of wickedness is bound in our hearts and profusely expounds daily in our lives unless we allow ourselves to be controlled by G-D’s Holy Spirit in order to demonstrate the abundant life He has bestowed upon us.

Is this easy? You know the answer. But all things are possible for those of us who love the L-RD and seek to be His eyes, arms and feet in this earthly realm. And, when we fail, as we will, we can run to Him for forgiveness and continue to allow Him to grow and transform us. We can grow away from the negativity that has been ingrained in us and become beacons of light in order to honor our King Yeshua.

How about it? Join the movement of love according to G-D’s directive. Each moment consider your speech. Is it beneficial and glorying HaShem? Are you building up the community in which you live and serve? Or is your speech part of the problem which proliferates in our contemporary culture of divisiveness? You choose…a twisted tongue of evil or an edifying tongue of blessings?

Musings,

Dr. Dee

PRAYER:

Dear ABBA,

Help us to speak words of life as you create clean and pure hearts within us that pant after you. Help others to hear your love as we speak wherever we find ourselves, and help us to model our speech after our Master Yeshua. Please transform us and be pleased with our serve. To YOU be all the glory! Amen

Good Husbands…

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Sometimes we feel …

Recently, I read an article titled Why are all the good husbands already taken? The article was pretty interesting and thought worthy for all the single ladies out there who might be asking themselves the same question. 

As the article stated there is a dating paradox: Why are all the good guys taken? Why are my friend’s husbands such amazing people and the guys a lot of us meet/date all seem to be missing something? What is that something? 

According to the article, all the good guys are not taken. Being in love, loving someone and being loved by someone brings the best out in us. Have you ever noticed that especially in the beginning of a relationship? The individuals have a certain glow and even look better. I have noticed this glow or radiance in men who are loved and giving love. Their countenance is beautifully transformed. So, according to the article a guy in a loving relationship does have something that available guys do not have… and that is someone to love.

G-D created us to be in loving and harmonious relationships with each other, but especially our spouses. G-D stated in Genesis, it is not good for man to be alone. (Gen. 2:18) Therefore until our hearts are massaged by true love, first by G-D and then a loving mate, it can appear as if all the good husbands or men are taken. The human soul is meant to open up and connect with someone else. And, yet the human soul has to desire to live and love another.

Loving someone brings out the best in us. We feel alive, more vivid and our personalities blossom. It feels amazing to be loved and in a relationship that is mutually satisfying. In a loving relationship, especially a g-dly one, we feel free, more confident, content, beautiful and complete. On most days, the world seems wonderful and our marriage is our home. Remember, a harmonious, g-dly, loving relationship is the focus of this blog. 

Obviously, we can share love with family and friends, even our enemies; but until we find that special someone, we are incomplete. When a biological male and a biological woman come together in the wisdom of the Creator, it is then they can begin the process of reflecting the image of G-D to each other and those around them.  It is imperative to remember that we are created in the image of G-D. Loving each other is a form of loving Him.

Remember, you can’t shop for a vehicle in someone else’s garage or shop for a dining set in someone else’s dining room. Nor can you expect someone to allow you to use their debit card to pay your monthly bills and expenses. (Exodus 20:17) And, you can’t compare the guys you date to your friend’s husbands, i.e., g-dly husbands. 

Instead, be your best self and recognize some single men are incomplete without someone to love, just like you might feel incomplete without someone to love. In the meantime, set your standards high and stick to them; and live life to the fullest as you wait and desire a mate. Give your loneliness to the L-RD and prayerfully, your wait won’t be too long.

Musings,

Dr. Dee