Tag Archives: musings

It’s a Great Day…

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Today is a great day as I am reminded about the goodness of the L-RD!

Taste and see that the L-RD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8 (NIV)

blue sea near mountains
Adriatic Sea…Photo by Luca Sammarco on Pexels.com

King David said in Psalm 8: 4-5 (CJB) When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars that you set in place – what are mere mortals, that you concern yourself with them; humans, that you watch over them with such care? 

So what should our response be to these two passages? 

I think we might want to exclaim: Glory to the Most High G-D who was and is to come! Glory to the King of the Universe who created oceans, seas, mountains and more. Thank you for the coming of Your glorious Kingdom and the redemptive work of our L-RD and Savior Yeshua. Thank you that You are always Good and Your Mercy is everlasting. Thank you that You are not like humans and You can always be relied on always. Thank you for Your protection, provision, sustenance and nurturing. Thank you for the time, talents and skills You have given each of us. Thank you for our friends, families and enemies. Thank you for nudging us, encouraging us, disciplining us so that our lives might reflect You. And, because you are holy, holy, holy and the most holiest…thank you for teaching us to respond, speak and live in ways which are pleasing to You. Thank you for being a forgiving and loving Father and giving us multiple chances to repent and grow closer to You. Thank you for your listening ears to our prayers. Thank you for Your salvation through Yeshua, AND SO VERY MUCH MORE! 

spiaggia san michele in sirolo italy
Adriatic Sea…Photo by Francesco Ungaro on Pexels.com

Sitting here by the Adriatic Sea in Tučepi, Croatia, I am overwhelmed by its beauty. The movement of the sea, the rocky mountainous terrain, blooming flowers, towering trees and rock formations which all exemplifies the fingers of our Creator. The vastness of the sea barely littered by human hands is a sight to behold. The mountains towering over the city and surrounding the sea reflects the beauty of G-D for us to admire and appreciate. This creative beauty gives us reason to pause and worship our Father.

I am amazed like the psalmist David that G-D would concern himself with us humans and that He watches over us with care. That He would create such beautiful places for us to live and care for. His love is beyond our comprehension, and yet available for us to embrace and cling to. According to a commentary in the Complete Jewish Bible, Israel’s sages teach that each person should proclaim that it is for my sake that Adonai created the world, and I was created to proclaim his greatness!

Therefore, regardless of whatever state we find ourselves, we can always find beauty around us and find something worth proclaiming the greatness of G-D. We can always look up to the Heavens, scour the earth and see the greatness of our Father. We can always proclaim His glory in the little and large matters of life. Today, while it is today relish in His Greatness and His Goodness!

So, today is a great day, and I am relishing in the goodness and blessings of our G-D! 

How about you?

Dr. Dee

scenic view of rocky turkish coastline
Adriatic Sea …Photo by zeynurmel on Pexels.com

Struggling Daily…

Coming Kingdom, Death, Loving G-d, Loving Others, Loving Others, , , , , , ,

Since the death of my son, I haven’t felt like myself. I don’t recognize myself most days and some days I just feel like I am floating through waiting for my turn. Parts of me died with him, but parts of me resurrected with a new vigor for the L-RD. I embrace this new vigor for the L-RD.

Since the death of my son, I think about him and all our family members who have preceded me, and I wonder how they are doing and what they are doing. I miss them so much and of course wish we could have a chat. I know, I can’t talk to them or see them other than within my mind’s eye, but like a child I wish I could. 

Since my son’s death, many things have changed…some for the good, and conversely not so good. I am still wrestling with the timing of his death and his absence from our lives. My grandson just started high school, and I know my son Aaron wanted to be part of his high school years. From my limited perspective, I have difficulty understanding why G-D took Aaron at this time. I could say more, but…

brown sand
Photo by Miriam Fischer on Pexels.com

My point, no matter how much we say we love and trust G-D, I believe, in our human bodies we struggle with G-D’s timing and His will sometimes. And like Paul who wrote most of the letters in the B’rit Hadashah (New Testament)…paraphrased…that which I should do, I don’t do and that which I do, I should not do. Romans 7:13-25.

So, to sum up my dilemma as I am growing through my grieving…who can save me? Who can heal my broken heart? Who can forgive my plethora of sins and grievous acts? Who can restore my shalom and so I can hear the sound of joy and gladness? Who can create a clean heart within me and a resolute spirit? Who can rescue me? Thanks be to G-D, our ABBA (HE WILL/HE CAN) – through Yeshua our Messiah, our L-RD, whom I love, believe in and pledge my allegiance to.

Know my struggle is real like many who have lost a child (children). The pain has not subsided, but maybe that’s the point…to grow my dependence, hope and faith in the L-RD. 

Like the tide of the ocean that comes on the shore and quickly recedes; such is life.

Strained, Stretched, Struggling

Dr. Dee

A few Scriptures worth pondering: Jonah 2:9, Acts 4:12, Ezekiel 36:26, Titus 3:5

In the midst of sadness…

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On my son’s recent birthday it was a difficult day to breathe and keep a happy face for others. Most of the time, I feel as if no one understands my deep sorrow or even cares to hear about my deepest pain.  But even during my grief and sorrow, I am grateful to G-D, HaShem who has chosen to deliver me/us through Yeshua, if we pledge our allegiance and love to Him. I am grateful for the time I had with my son, and I am grateful to have been his mom. I am also grateful for his son who is growing into a godly young man and we communicate often.

blue present
A Special Gift
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

Yet, in the midst of my sadness, I looked forward to spending time with my grandchildren this summer. They are here with us! They are so full of life, love and energy. They are a reminder of why even during our grief, we can experience happiness and fun. This morning we had a wonderful Bible study and I was grateful for the opportunity to intentionally invest in them. My prayer…they will remember the words of the L-RD and act accordingly all their days and know that I loved and cherished them very much. 

Therefore, let me encourage you…love others like they are a gift from above for today maybe the last day you will see or speak to them. Be kind to those who pass your way, and every day pray and ask G-D through His son Yeshua, empowered by His Holy Spirit to lead you into His perfect will even when it is hard. Ask G-D to help you to always be the best version of Him as you navigate this life, so that others will be drawn to Him.

Remember: 1 Peter 1:24 – For all humanity is like grass, all its glory is like a wildflower —
the grass withers, and the flower falls off; 25  but the Word of Adonai lasts forever.

Love today…tomorrow may not come.

Growing in Him,

Dr. Dee

A midst in time…

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You don’t even know if you will be alive tomorrow! For all you are is a mist that appears for a little while and then disappears. James 4:14 CJB

Oh, how true! The sudden and unexpected death of my son has struck my heart in many ways and sorrowfully emphasized the truth of G-D’s Word.

The sunny morning of October 19, 2024 was a typical Saturday morning until about 8:45 AM. Just a quick overview: My son and his fiance went for a hike up Stone Mountain in the park where he collapsed and died (unconfirmed) of a heart attack. According to his fiance’, she caught his head before he hit the ground, no pain, no words, just one tear streaming down his cheek. 

Aaron’s last steps…

In the short video clip of him walking prior to his death, there is no indication that he was going to die in moments after the filming. In the clip, he is saying that they needed to pace themselves because it was going to be a long walk. He looked amazing in the video, so full of life, handsome and smiling. 

The day before his death, we spoke briefly in the kitchen and we had plans to have a family dinner either Sunday or Monday before I was scheduled to fly to Europe. But, everything changed when the phone call came that he had collapsed. I immediately jumped out of bed starting praying and texting all the believers I knew would pray, as well as the leader of the Community I belong to. 

My fiance and I rushed to get where we needed to be to see about Aaron. Once we arrived at the hospital he wasn’t there though he should have been. I “knew” in my heart something wasn’t right. Why was it taking the ambulance so long to get to the hospital? I believe he had died already. 

Once he got there, they attempted to revive him, and for a split moment we thought he was coming back when the doctor said they had a slight pulse, but the pulse soon disappeared and the doctor called it. As they were working on him I saw some of their work and there was such numbness coming over me that I can’t really explain. His fiance’ was with me the whole time and endured the loss of her future husband.  

But, as a believer I felt inadequate and disappointed that my “faith”, prayers and the prayers of others did not bring Aaron back to this side of heaven. We hear miraculous stories of near death experiences, people coming back from the dead, etc., and though I wish Aaron was still here, I realize that each person’s days are numbered. [Psalms 90:12; 139;16]. But, there is still that wishing, should-of, and more.. that I am still grappling with each day.

My heart is still broken and I still want … but obviously, not my will but the L-RD’s. So much more to say, but this is all I can muster for now.

Loving the L-RD, Yeshua and missing my son,

DD

Our Hope…

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Miryam, the mother of Yeshua, is the fourth most mentioned person in the Bible after Yeshua (Jesus), Peter and Paul. (Mother of Yeshua). Yet, there isn’t much written about her in the Renewed Covenant. We know that she agreed to be the mother of Yeshua; we know she was at the wedding in Cana; we know she was at Yeshua’s crucifixion, burial and ascension; as well as the giving of the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) in Acts to name a few.

However, we do not read in Scripture how she may have felt as her son was beaten, tortured and slaughtered for the sake of providing redemption to humankind. Or any ordinary or extraordinary events that may have happened as Yeshua was growing up, except for Yeshua teaching at the temple at the age of 12. However, her pain, grief and horror as the events of Yeshua’s arrest and death unfolded, and the agony she must have endured during this time had to be excruciating. Miryam, Hebrew for Mary, I believe knew G-D’s plan, but wept (an understatement) during the horrendous events of Yeshua’s trial and death.

Yet, conversely, her overwhelming relief and jubilation (an understatement) upon seeing Him after the resurrection must have been exceedingly delightful for her. I can only imagine these two polarizing events: her enormous sorrow and extreme joy…her son’s death and resurrection. There are no words to describe the plausible depth of her feelings.

As a mom and grandmother, I can’t wrap my head and heart around why Yeshua had to die in such a brutal manner.  And, why would He even want to, for such sinful creatures as ourselves! Still, G-D’s ways and thoughts extend far beyond my/our understanding, and I am grateful that He has provided salvation for us. I would think Miryam might have had conflicting thoughts as well. However, because of her obedience she bore the emotional burden of His death.

heart on sand
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am encouraged by Miryam as I reflect on her pain and joy. I look forward to seeing ABBA, Yeshua, my son and all my family members who have passed on. For now, I am bearing the pain of my son’s passing, but I am looking forward to seeing him again. Miryam’s appearance, though brief in the Scriptures, exemplifies obedience to the will of Our Father and love for her Son and Savior. 

This is the season of Passover, First Fruits, Good Friday, Resurrection of our Savior and counting of the Omer. During this season, as believers, our focus ought to be on our relationship with ABBA and to each other. Yeshua’s death on the cross was the ultimate act of love. He gave His life so that we might have life in Him. Yet, we must remember the cost for our redemption in Him and live accordingly.  Our freedom from eternal death requires our faith, our allegiance, our love, our trust, our obedience and more in Yeshua. (John 14:15-17) Yeshua’s life, death and resurrection are supernatural love events which keeps giving if we choose Him. Yeshua the last “Adam” has become a life-giving Spirit. (I Corn 15:45) Is He your choice?

My point, during this season of reflection and renewal let us remember who and why we worship the Living King who sits on the throne next to Our Heavenly Father. Let us remember the conflicting feelings Miryam probably had when our Savior freely died for us.  Reflect on your loved ones who have died and rejoice in the hope of the resurrection. (I Corn 15)

We do not understand the plans of our Creator, but we are obliged to worship, trust and obey Him. We are obliged to worship and serve the King of kings and the L-RD of lords every day. We are directed to have no other gods as a substitute for HIM. During this season, let us choose ABBA through Yeshua. Let us choose the PROVIDER of our hope in the resurrection.

In Him,

Dr. Dee

Why me?

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Suffering usually brings about the question – WHY ME? As believers, our response to suffering ought to be why not me? Yeshua said we would suffer and we would have trials and tribulations in this realm. But, what about…

If you have read any of my previous posts, you know that my youngest adult son, Aaron passed away on October 19, 2024. And, as I have mentioned before, my healing is one heart beat at a time. Some days are better than other days. Today is a pretty good day. It is a gorgeous sunny day in Europe, quietness blankets the neighborhood and I’m not crying as I am writing this post.

Earlier today, I was thinking about why me, why did my son have to die and I started to weep, but in the next moment I thought…why not me, for Yeshua said I would suffer in this life, (paraphrased). Yeshua died and His mom wept as did His Father. So does that make suffering less painful or easier? You know the answer, but it should give us some comfort and perspective. I’m not there yet.

dramatic landscape of island geological rift
Photo by Jan Schwebel on Pexels.com

My son’s death has been the hardest emotional earthquake I have ever known. I have had many emotional storms and losses throughout my life. The passing of other family members though devastating hasn’t compared to the losing of my son. Previous failed relationships though hurtful and disappointing, again no comparison. Divorce, loss of material wealth, Covid, surgery, sickness, all seem inconsequential to his passing. Yet, his death is a cross I have to bear for the rest of my life. I’m figuring I will get past the devastation of his death, but I will always carry him in my heart and I will always love and miss my son.

Aaron would not want me to be as sad as I am. I can hear his voice in my head, Ma relax, I’m good. I’m working on that part as well, i.e., trying to relax – be at peace! Aaron used to tell me that we (believers) do not have a clue as to how much G-D truly loves us, so I have to believe he, Aaron is with the L-RD. And, yes, I believe Yeshua loves us, but some days when I am really sad and feeling isolated, I want to feel the love of the Father and see His face. I desire a big hug from the L-RD! 

I realize there are some of you who have also lost a child or children and your hearts are broken as well. I know the pain. I pray in some small way, my sharing will bring some sense of something. I don’t even have a word for something, but hopefully you get it. 

In Psalm 34:18, it reads, The L-RD is close to the brokenhearted. For those of us who have lost children or a loved one, let us be comforted by this Scripture. And, when we doubt this to be true, let’s seek ABBA for confirmation and peace.

So, during my times of suffering…why not me? I deserve suffering. I’m no better than the next person, but I’m grateful for HIS promise of comfort, love and Shalom. 

It’s a pretty good day!

Dr. Dee

You can’t make this stuff up…

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Today, we went to the cemetery to visit the graveside of my husband’s sister, and while there, the graveside in front of her belonged to a baby named “Aron” from the year 2023 – 2024.

On the way home, I asked my husband what was the date of his sister’s death…October 17, 2017. My son died on October 19, 2025. His sister’s death was seven years prior to Aaron’s and as a couple, we have only been together for 13 months. Seven means completion in the Bible. Interesting…

While at the cemetery, I managed a prayer and sensed again gratitude for G-D giving us 16 extra years with Aaron. The tombstone of the year old baby was a stark reminder of G-D’s blessing us with additional time. I also felt as if “Aaron” had followed me to Europe. In that moment of praying, looking up at the cloudy skies and the tombstone in front of me, I sensed I am where I am supposed to be.

I know to some it may seem like just a coincidence, but in G-D there are no coincidences…for He orders our steps. Of course I don’t know what it all means, but to me it certainly seemed like a G-D moment and my heart was deeply touched.

We often look for G-D in huge miraculous events and we fail to notice Him constantly through all the ways He makes His presence known in our lives daily. His comfort in our times of need can be unique. Since Aaron’s death I seem to notice Him more and more in everyday situations and people. I am also more keenly aware when He isn’t there.

Losing my son has been one of the hardest emotional journeys I have had to endure. It is a journey that is not my choice. I can’t articulate the hurt, regret, longing, and more. One day I’m feeling okay even with my thoughts of him. The next day or even on the same day, I am overwhelmed with sadness and wish I could just text, chat or see him. I have so many things I still want to share with Aaron.

And, so my heart keeps beating and I keep reaching out to ABBA to help me navigate this journey. He has promised to be near the broken hearted. My heart is broken.

The L-RD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

All praise goes to G-D, Father of our L-RD Yeshua, the Anointed One. He is the Father of compassion, the G-D of all comfort. He consoles us as we endure the pain and hardship of life so that we may draw from His comfort and share it with others in their own struggles.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
red paper heart ripped in half on dark background broken heart separation concept
Photo by Marta Nogueira on Pexels.com

One heart beat at a time,

Dr. Dee

Romans 8:28

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Romans 8:28 is quoted often, especially when there is a negative event, situation, tragedy, death and/or all of the above. Have you ever heard Romans 8:28 quoted when things are amazing and wonderful? I can’t say I have.

But, have you ever wondered…what is good? How will I recognize it, and is it in this life or the life to come? How can I understand how all things work for my good. Theologically and practically I can come up with some things, but is that the good of G-D?

Today, February 19, 2025 is the fourth month since my son, Aaron passed away. And, though I have had some smiles and laughter since his death, I am still very sad and sorting through all the emotions. I just don’t understand how his death is working for my good? How his death is working for the good of his son, my grandson? 

I am brokenhearted, but I am relying on Adonai to help me be at peace. Since his passing I have had this “cough”…crazy cough. Sometimes I get so upset, I just start coughing. My body hurts and sometimes, I just want to sit and sleep or sleep and sit; and cry, and then cry some more. All these things are part of grief … so I have read and part of the process. And, though, I don’t understand the reason for my son’s sudden death, I can say, not my will but ABBA’s…for HE gives life and HE takes it away.  Job 1:21

I don’t really have a lot to say today. I heard a song, which says I wish Heaven had visiting hours…I mentioned this song before. And, if Heaven had visiting hours I would go see my son and all the loved ones who have died…my mom, grandma, dad, uncles, grandfathers, aunts, cousins, friends and even the folks that hated me in their living. 

Death stinks on this side of Heaven. But, my hope is in the resurrection of Yeshua. I cannot imagine going through this challenging period in my life without the hope of the L-RD. How lost and more devastated I would be.

Sad today,

Dr. Dee

Our Fatal Disease…

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Are you prepared to die? Most of us live unprepared for death. We say we want to go to Heaven to be with the L-RD, but we don’t want to die. Or some may think by default, we will all be in Heaven someday…even if we have to endure purgatory for a while. But is that what the Scriptures suggest?

Since my son, Aaron passed away, I have been consumed with his death and those of my loved ones, Heaven and my own pending death. As a believer, we say we want the L-RD to come and we want to be with the L-RD, but do we really? Do we really want to leave this life on earth and be with Him or is this just religious babble? Do we really want to go to Heaven and live with the Creator and enjoy the plans He has for us that love Him, and if so what are we doing about it?

I can confess to you that prior to my son’s death, especially when I was younger, I cringed at the thought of being raptured/dying and leaving my children or not having the opportunity to accomplish my dreams, goals or see them grow. I worried about my kids’ salvation or them being stuck on this planet; and all the other things that weigh down a mother’s heart. So even if I said, L-RD please come, honestly, I am not sure I truly meant it at the time in the depths of my heart.

However, since my son has passed, and I am living in my golden years, I am consumed with Heaven. Even prior to his death, I read numerous stories about NDE’s (near death experiences) which I found intriguing as well as comforting. Yet, there has been a shifting that has occurred in my soul that I cannot logically describe or really understand myself. So many things I thought were important seem so insignificant. I see the Creator in nature and others more than ever before, and long to be with Him. And though I love my husband, family and friends desperately, they cannot comfort, heal or save me from my grief or ultimate terminal disease called death.

I admit I am frail and weak. The weakness and frailty I have walked in has caused much grief and pain. This is something I truly regret. However, G-D in his provision has provided me (all of us) with a way for redemption…Yeshua. Yeshua has provided redemption for everyone. Being a believer in Yeshua first begins with faith in what He did on the Cross for our salvation in this life and the life to come. Then the rest is growing in Him. When we have pledged our allegiance to Him, this is our preparation for death.

sea of clouds during sunset
Photo by Aleksejs Bergmanis on Pexels.com

Growing and trusting is working out our salvation. Being a believer is work…not works to get redeemed, but works (following His commandments) because we are redeemed. We are only redeemed/saved by His Grace. As we grow in faith and live out our faith in Yeshua, we will experience love, joy, shalom, be an example for others, as well as suffer various disappointments and challenges. But, irrespective of our condition as we journey through life, if we love and trust the L-RD, HE promises to never forsake us or leave us. 

As human beings we all have a fatal and inoperable disease, called death. We can’t run or hide when the time comes for us to exit this earth.  So the question remains, are you prepared to die? 

In Him,

Dr. Dee

Focus on the blessings…

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Over three months since Aaron’s passing and it still seems surreal and yet, final on this side of Heaven. So much has happened since his death and so many blessings have happened that I can’t name them all. Most people have been very kind, loving and generous, and for that I am extremely grateful! Yet, there have been some negative comments as well, which have stained my soul very deeply.

As a mother, we do the best we can with what we know and what we have. Most of us love our children desperately and attempt to provide for them beyond what we were given as children. This provision goes way beyond just material things, but emotional, spiritual nurturing and protection. However, as our children grow, they take their upbringing and their life experiences and become the adults they choose to be. We are all like this. We do the best we can to live this life, especially if we love the L-RD.

man on boat under blue sky
Aaron loved kayaking Photo by Jamie H on Pexels.com

We should be careful in our criticism of others. I often face this challenge. It is even more important with criticism of deceased ones who can’t defend themselves. Criticism is seeped in negative, evil, vile, and biased judgment of others. This observation may be based on gossip, disdain, or limited observations. Even if the criticism is accurate, we place ourselves in a position to be criticized and condemned by our Savior when we choose to condemn, criticize and convict others. Normally, what we recognize in others are the very traits we possess…good or bad.

Remember that scripture in Matthew 7:3-5? 

Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.

The caveat to this Scripture…we will never see clearly because we are all flawed as human beings. Let us be mindful of our criticism of others and seek the L-RD’s guidance in counseling or relating to others. Consider some of the biblical great characters in the Bible. They were all flawed and failed, and needed the L-RD just like each of us.

As humans, we often find ourselves with negative thoughts about others, even ourselves. This is not good. I’m thinking that we ought to focus on seeing the best in ourselves and each other. We ought to focus on working out our salvation. I’m thinking we ought to focus on the blessings. I believe we should let the dead rest. We should think about the good and happy memories we shared while they were living. I’m also thinking that negative commentary about one’s deceased loved one causes additional hurt. It cruelly adds pain to a grieving mother. It also hurts anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. Like mama use to say, if you can’t say something nice then shut the h**l up!

goat with big horn
Photo by Johannes Haven on Pexels.com

Needless to say, I loved my son beyond what words I share or actions I take. His presence is gone from this place, and it saddens me. I have lost contact with him for now. His absence is a gaping hole in my life. It is also a gaping hole in the life of others who loved him very much. I am also distraught that his teenage son will have to navigate this life without his dad. Yet, I am grateful that my grandson has a wonderful mom and other loving family members to support him. They are his ram in the bush. 

Today, I am rambling and musing. Today, my heart cries loudly within. I truly miss my son! It was not my will or desire for my son to die at this time…but not my will but the L-RD’s! Death is the stranger we all must meet and there is no way we can avoid it. I wish we had more time together. I am eternally grateful for the time I had with my son, Aaron. Thank you L-RD!

Thank you ABBA for the gift of Aaron…for You give life, and You take it away. Thank you for the love you show us through others and your answers to our prayers. Thank you for all of your blessings. Thank you for our enemies, because they inadvertently point us back to you as our only daily and eternal hope. Thank you for the gift of Yeshua – my faith and hope for eternal salvation. Thank you for the hope to see my son Aaron again.  I have only lost contact with him for now!

Thank you L-RD!

Dr. Dee