Tag Archives: musings

Called to Action

Loving G-d, Loving Self, Relationships, , , , , ,

What, however, can the man of good will do to combat this deeply rooted prejudice? He must have the courage to set an example by word and deed, and must watch lest his children become influenced by this racial bias. (http://www.onbeing.org/program/albert-einstein-the-negro-question-1946)

Albert Einstein, as many of you already know was a brilliant Scientist who received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1921 for his general theory of relativity.  However, he was also very passionate about nuclear disarmament, and he actively spoke out against racism in this country. In 1946, he spoke on the ill effects of hatred and contributed financially and in other positive ways to make a difference in the lives of various African-Americans such as W. E. Dubois, Marian Anderson, and Paul Robeson. Yet, these additional remarkable humanitarian efforts, in my experiences, have not been taught in our history books.  Admittedly, I did not know this about Albert Einstein until recently.  This information was posted on social media during turbulent times in America at the writing of this post.

I checked several sources to confirm the aforementioned. Most references do not even mention his involvement in the civil rights activities of his day, and mainly discussed his legacy as a Scientist, his personal life and his flight from Germany. Yet, he was a man who believed in the fair treatment of all people and within his arena, he chose to speak on the ills of racism as he spoke about the theory of relativity. Albert Einstein had the courage to speak on the evils of racism in our country, and unfortunately, racism is still prevalent today.  Racism is a form of hatred, but all hatred, regardless of its forms wreaks havoc at every juncture, on every person. My point…

As I am writing this blog, in recent weeks, here in the United States of America, we have witnessed two African-American men killed by police officers, one of which was shot in front of his girlfriend and their four-year-old daughter; 5 white police officers gunned down in alleged retaliation, as well as 7 other police officers wounded; several unarmed Latino men killed by police officers; two bailiffs killed by an inmate during the transportation of that inmate; 49 people slaughtered in Orlando, and this is just a few murderous incidences monopolizing the current local news stations. The violence endured by these victims, their families, and their friends is incomprehensible. Few of us can truly relate to the horror of a loved one being killed within the confines of horrific hatred! At least I can’t imagine, but my/our hearts still ache for those who are subjected to acts of violence and loathing. So the question becomes, what can we do?

For me as a believer in the Highest G-d, I am thoroughly convinced that our first line of defense is humbling before our Creator in sincere and fervent prayer; believing, knowing and expecting Him to respond to our prayers. Our praying must be heartfelt and without ceasing. Second, I believe, we have to realize we are in a war, a spiritual war, and that the horrors of hatred are heart matters. G-d is on the only One equipped to move and change hearts, but He uses those of us willing to be His Messengers of Love. Once we realize that the battle is the L-rd’s, and we diligently plead for Him to move in our communities, our country, then we have to get up off our knees, and actively become involved in making a difference in the lives of others.

How can we make a difference? There are many obvious ways to make a difference, such as mentoring others, volunteering with various organizations, which seek to help end FreshPaint-quotethe violence, become more politically astute, and seek to work within the governmental system to get laws changed, etc., and vote for the candidates you believe will best help this country. Also, put your money in organizations that are positively serving the community. Stop spending your money with companies that exploit their workers and buy their goods from others who exploit their employees. In addition, begin to make a difference and show love to others, just by smiling, speaking to people, showing respect, being courteous, and like-wise teaching your children/grandchildren to do the same. Finally, speak up on behalf of those who are victims of societal ills, and take a positive stand for justice and righteousness.

If you are a believer in Judeo-Christian principles and live by the Word of G-d, then you know there is no color, gender, religious persuasion or other diversionary groupings in Yeshua (Jesus). We have been called to be One in Him, the only HOPE for our salvation in this life and the life to come. In our calling to be, means our calling to do. We are called to be people of actions. We are called to be G-d’s salt and light in the earth.

We must speak, live and take a stand for each other. Albert Einstein and countless others used their platforms to emphatically speak on manners contrary to the liberty of others. If something is wrong, we need to speak out and say it is wrong. We just can’t go along to get along. As people of the Most High G-d, we have to be willing to demonstrate what His love looks like in practical ways in our homes, work places, and everywhere we find ourselves in our daily lives.

Let me urge you to figure out how you can best show love towards your neighbor in order to bring about change; in order to chip away at the violence drowning us; in order to end bigotry, racism, or any other kind of ism. Again, Albert Einstein says it best: What, however, can the man of good will do to combat this deeply rooted prejudice? He must have the courage to set an example by word and deed, and must watch lest his children become influenced by this racial bias.

It’s your call to action…

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

Note:  The “o” is missing for G-d and L-rd as a sign of love, respect and honor, for He is the Most Holy G-d, the One true One, the Creator, and Sustain-er of the Universe. He is the Uncaused Cause. By leaving the “o” out of G-d and/or L-rd, it makes the distinction that I am not speaking of an idol, or any other entity, which uses the name “god”. This writer is referring to the one true G-d who revealed Himself to Moses as the I AM. In addition, it is my belief this is one of the ways, I can fulfill the first commandment.  The first commandment commanded believers to honor the L-rd’s name. Therefore, by eliminating the “o”, His name (HaShem, G-d) is honored, if the paper were thrown away, burned or destroyed in some manner, as well as for the benefit of online readers to understand my position. It is this author’s intention to honor G-d in every area, in traditional and non-traditional ways as directed and led by G-d’s Breath – the Holy Spirit.

Tips For Marriage Counseling Success

Relationships, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

FreshPaint white couple

 

 

Has your marriage hit a brick wall? Are your attempts at solving conflict seem futile? If so, then counseling may be one of your answers. However, going to marriage counseling is not just about showing up and sitting down. Counseling success is hinged on active engagement, honesty and transparency. Therefore, in order for marriage counseling to have the best chances for your success, here are some tips.

  1. List the reasons why you need to speak to a third person. Are you having communication issues, intimacy issues, financial issues, etc. Clarify and write down your reason(s) prior to your first counseling session. Be sure to interview several marriage counselors or coaches and select someone you both feel comfortable with and someone who is committed to your success. If you are a Messianic/Christian couple, select someone who has the same biblical mindset.
  2. Set goals for the marriage. For Example: we both want to save our marriage, we want to better communicate with each other, we want to respect each other’s differences, etc. Again, be clear on the reason(s) as to why you are seeking counseling. Ensure that both partners are still interested in saving the marriage, and there isn’t a desire for a separation or divorce.
  3. Commit to the process for at least 6 months to a year in order to give yourselves the full opportunity of working out issues. Sometimes issues are related to childhood baggage and/or unresolved hurts from previous relationships. Committing to the process will ensure you get to the root of the problem so healing can transpired.FreshPaint-certificate of marriage
  4. Do not threaten separation or divorce during the time of counseling to which both of you have committed. Any threats of divorce will certainly undermine the success of the counseling.
  5. Be ready to take responsibility for your part in the marriage difficulties. Be accountable and willing to ask forgiveness and work on improving self. It is essential that you are willing to change personally for the better. Think about the accusations your spouse makes consistently concerning your behavior during an argument or whenever. If those comments are the same, then consider your words and behavior, which may need to change, or attempt to understand why your response is irritated by your behavior.
  6. Do not complain or speak negatively about your spouse to others, especially during the counseling period. Give yourself the best opportunity to reconcile differences within the marriage. Sometimes, people, especially friends will interject negativity into the situation, which could include advice to leave to give up on the marriage. This will weaken the reconciliation process, if not destroy any chances of resolution. If you must speak to someone, make sure it is someone who will fully support your efforts, and desires the best for you and your spouse.
  7. Prior to meeting with your coach or counselor, do not tell your spouse what to say during your counseling sessions. Remember, the only way to healing is through complete honesty and transparency. There is no need to feel embarrassed during a session with your coach or counselor. They are there to help.
  8. Make counseling sessions and the homework a priority. Counseling is only as good as the work each person is willing to put in to grow individually and as a couple.
  9. Realize there is no over-night cure. Again, stick with your obligation to go through counseling and be willing to honestly look at your great, good and awful behaviors, commit to change, and commit to the process.black and white couple

Challenges within a marriage are par for the course. However, couples who truly love each other and are committed to each other can overcome grievances and challenges, and enjoy their lives together. Choosing someone to journey with you as a couple can be one of the answers to your difficulties. Yet, as a couple, you have to be willing to put forth the effort to heal the wounded areas in your relationship. The choice is always yours.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

Sizzling or Soothing… Words Speak

Loving G-d, Loving Self, , , , , , ,

talking megaphoneWe all know how powerfully words affect our world view, our attitude and how we think of others and ourselves. Do you remember the kiddy rhyme: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? Yeah, right! This is one of the biggest and most destructive lies ever told to children! The intention of the saying may be honorable in an effort to get children to ignore evil, negative and disgusting comments. However, the creative force behind negative words pierce the very soul and spirit of the person on the receiving end.

How many of you can remember being called outside-of-your name? How many can remember being called ugly, fat, loser, poser, bit–, mother f—–? How about n—–, fa—- or bast—? How about someone condemning you to the pit of hell for adultery, an abortion, cheating on a spouse, filing bankruptcy, lying etc.? Have you ever experienced condemnation, hatred, bigotry, put-downs, abuses and other evils, because of that little rudder in someone’s mouth? If you have not experienced any of the above or worst, you are truly either blessed or living outside of the human experience.

Anyone who has been at the receiving end of a bully’s furious spewing knows that negative words are a destructive force like a double-edged sword ripping flesh apart. I would think, many of us know better than to repeat the old adage about sticks and stones, but more importantly, we do not seem to fully grasp the power of  words. So, why do we repeat sayings we know are false? Why do we deceive ourselves with seemingly comforting words, which instead burn unseen scars upon our souls? Why do many of us persist in the deception that words cannot and do not harm?

man speaking pointingThe biblical principle in James 3:1-12 vividly outlines the might and power of words. Words can create positive, encouraging and loving environments or destructive, damaging or negative environments whether spiritual or physical. The reality of destructive language is obvious, yet somehow we continually dismiss the influence of words.

Destructive language reaches beyond being on the receiving end of a bully. We often times bully or torment ourselves based on our circumstances, self-hatred and more. We speak evil of ourselves to ourselves and others. We compare ourselves to others and spew self-destructive thoughts inwardly and outwardly denying the very glory we have been innately given. We listen and believe lies, instead of the truth about how much we are loved and longed for by the Creator.

Whether it is personal, social or political, we are daily bombarded by negative words meant to kill, steal and destroy our very souls. However, we can choose to be part of the negativity, or we can choose to make a positive difference. We can choose to listen to voices of evil, or we can choose to shut the voices down. We can choose to think of ourselves in mediocre or vile ways; or we can choose to love ourselves, and thus inevitably, we will demonstrate love for others. Clearly, words are powerful and affect us. It is our choice to either speak words of love or words of hatred.

Are your words sizzling and negatively destructive or are your words soothing and positively uplifting? Do your words make others laugh, smile, frown or cry?  Do others cringe at the sound of your voice? Or, do others welcome your loving input into their lives and the lives of others?

black woman smiling

You make the choice each time you speak.

DocsMusings!

Dr. Dee

 

Just Musing

Loving Self, , , , , , , , , ,

Just sitting here listening to “Shadows” by Lindsey Stirling sipping on a glass of red wine and thinking about you, my reader. Here in Georgia it is a gorgeous Sunday afternoon with the temperatures around 71 degrees with light winds. A perfect afternoon for writing! I am so blessed that I get to share my thoughts with you.

gratefulToday, I feel grateful for my life, my children, my family, my career, my triumphs, challenges and even failures. This morning I woke up thinking about how unbelievably fast my life has reached this point and how much time I have wasted on whatever. Like so many, I have allowed myself to wallow in the quicksand of regret, and shame sinking to lows I never deemed possible. But, today, as I look out of my study window writing to you, I am reminded of all the beauty that life still holds for me and for you.

It is so easy to whine, complain, and gripe, and so easy to forget about the things in life which are good. Wow, this music is so sweet! It really helps to relax my soul. Let me urge you today, to enjoy each moment of your life and choose to do good and be a blessing to others. As we struggle in the difficulties of life’s drama, there is always someone who has challenges even greater than ourselves. Oftentimes, our thinking perpetuates the negativity of a situation, thus causing us to feel victimized and powerless. Yet, in many situations we can rise above the negativity of our thinking, and begin to grow from dramatic situations and live a healthier life.

Our thoughts are extremely powerful, and unchecked can run rampant causing undesirable behaviors, views, feelings, and even negative physical manifestations in our body. For example, if someone says, I’m stupid and I will never amount to anything, chances are they won’t. Or, I’m so fat, I will never lose weight, then they will never lose weight and they will continue to over eat and stay obese. Finally, a person claims, I will never forgive him/her for what he/she did, and I will never trust another person, then trust will always be a struggle.

Our behavior is directly related to our thoughts. If we have loving thoughts towards ourselves and others, our behavior will be indicative of that. If we have negative or hateful thoughts towards others we will behave likewise. Consider the media and all the violence bombarding society. Clearly, folks do not murder someone because they love them. Terrorist activity, rape, theft, abuse and more is not steeped in love! Our behavior is based on our thoughts. If we love, we demonstrate loving actions towards ourselves and others. The converse is equally true.

Our thoughts stimulate our emotions. Our emotions determine our attitude. Our behavior is based on our attitude. What is attitude? Our approach, belief, thinking, outlook on whatever subject or person we are thinking about. We can choose to think positively or we can choose to think negativity. We can choose to live in regret, shame, remorse or guilt. Or we can choose to forgive ourselves, others and even G-d and learn from the challenges in order to live a healthy and happy life. shadow

Again, I am grateful for all life’s experiences and the freedom to share them with you. Be encouraged today, to enjoy today. Let go of all the negativity which impacts your life and make the decision to control your thinking. Make the decision to relish in the dance of life, which our Creator has bestowed on us. Choose to control your thinking in order to live a life filled with love and gratitude. Choose the light and not the shadow.

Just Musing,

Dr. Dee

Shadows by Lindsay Stirling: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGCsyshUU-A

 

Brick and Mortar vs Virtual Business

Marketing Sense, , , , , , ,

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Travel with me for a moment down this imagined scenario. You own the brick and mortar store on the corner of 23rd Street and Big Bird Boulevard. Your products are valuable, priced reasonably and your store is aesthetically pleasing. You are extremely excited about your new business and you are expecting to experience great success. You tell all  your friends and family about your new store, and hope the folks traveling by your store will stop in and shop. At first, all your friends and family members are visiting and purchasing items from your store and everyone is happy, especially you. People walking or driving by occasionally stop in and purchase products as well. However, after six months, you find that your sales have considerably slowed down, and consequently, so has your cash flow. Yet, your expenses continue as normal. So what do you do?

After considerable thought you get an epiphany… advertise! And so, you purchase radio spots, TV spots and you hire the teenager next door to pass out fliers. Results, you notice more people come to your store, and once again sales are up and you are very happy. So, not only does your business begin to thrive, but it begins to flourish. Thus for your brick and mortar business, advertising becomes extremely important.effective-advertising1

What you have just learned is that your little store on 23rd street and Big Bird Boulevard is just a small building occupying a little space in a huge country, and unless people know you are there you cannot and will not be successful.

Now let’s switch this to your online business. You go through all the expense and time to develop a beautiful interactive website with fantastic products, pay portal, opt-in box, valuable information, links, tools, etc., and you tell your friends and family about your online business. But remember, you only have a limited amount of friends and family. Initially, you receive some traffic from the folks you know and maybe their friends. But, very soon, you notice the traffic to your website has either slowed down or stopped. Why? In order for people to visit your website, they must know your business exist. Cyber- land is vast and wide, advertising is your window for others to view.

Think about the thousands, possibly millions of businesses which occupy Cyberland (cyberspace) globally! The only way to make your presence known is by calling attention to your website. How do you call attention to your site? You must advertise. Stay tune for the next blog on ways to advertise online.

DocsMusings,

Dr. Dee

(Note: Photos courtesy of Goggle Images)

 

Holiday Discovery

Relationships, , , , , , , , ,

Recently, I watched one of my favorite movies, The Holiday. This movie is about two women from different parts of the world whose relationships have gone awry. In an effort to get over their lovers, they switched houses and their new journeys began.  Iris, one of the main characters was in love and involved with her co-worker for over three years.  Though their relationship had endured many twists and turns, she never expected the surprised announcement at the company Christmas Party.  Her beau got engaged to another woman on staff!  Talk about a shocker!  Needless to say, Iris was devastated. Her heartbreak led her to accept the offer of Amanda (the other main character) whose live-in male friend had an affair with his co-worker. Both women, victims of cheating male counter-parts embarked on a healing journey.

Iris finally realized during her new adventure that her addictive love towards her co-worker was pathetic, tragic and unproductive.  Her beau (Jasper) refused to love her and he used Iris for his sexual self-interest and his career advancements.  Iris blinded by her love for Jasper failed to see the role she played in her own heartbreak, until after her holiday quest. In the end, she realized through her new friendships and self-discovery that she had been the best friend with benefits, instead of the leading lady.

This movie reminded me of myself and the mistakes I have made in relationships.  Often times I believe we (many of us) see what we want to see, and fail to see or accept the reality of toxic relationships.  Like Iris, I have been in-love with a man who failed or would not love me back. And, rather than move on, somehow like Iris, I justified hanging in there to my own detriment.  My experiences have taught me valuable lessons I can now pass on to anyone with an ear to hear.

The most powerful line in the movie suggested that she was playing the role of a best friend when really she was or should have been the leading lady.  This rang so true, because I believe sometimes, we as women think we are the leading lady in the romance of our life, when in fact the opposite is true.  In your beau’s mind you may just be a friend, at the most, a best friend, but simply a friend.  If a man only wants sex in private, but fails to recognize you in public, awake O’sleeper and flee! (Read: Steve Harvey’s book – Think like a Man and Act like a Lady).  Wow, so how can we move from a pathetic relationship?

First and foremost, it is always about loving self, if you do not believe in the Creator.  Otherwise, after your committed love for Him, then we are to love ourselves.  How can we love ourselves and then another, if we do not love G-d and understand respect and honor?  Knowing one’s desires based on spiritual principles, hopes, desires, and goals are the beginning steps to knowing your worth and then conducting yourself accordingly.  To compromise yourself or settle for something that is contrary to your basic core is a disaster waiting to happen.  Love yourself enough to be willing to let go of a toxic relationship. Love yourself enough to know you are worthy to have a relationship with someone who will love, honor and respect you back.

love quoteSo often, I hear women say there are no good men out there, or no one will love them, or all the good men are gone, or I’m not pretty, smart, skinny, whatever enough. Stop it! You are all you believe you are, and if you are thinking negatively about yourself you will draw a negative no-good man in your life.  Many men treat women exactly the way they allow them to be treated. Many people in general treat people in ways that we allow.  If we want respect, we have to give and demand respect back.  If we want to be the leading lady in our beau’s life, we have to be the leading lady and not accept anything less.

We need and desire friends – at least I do! I enjoy the company of both men and women friends.  Life without people I can enjoy and confide in outside of my family would be miserable.  However, being the first and leading lady in a relationship which could lead to a commitment/marriage is a different matter, and should not be confused by a best friend with benefits affair.

Proverbs 31:10-31 spells out the ideal leading lady. The woman in this biblical verse is far beyond that of pearls and is extremely capable, intelligent and industrious.  She understands her self-worth, and she is honored and adored by her husband and children.  She manages her business affairs, her household and enjoys her days.  She demands respect, because she exemplifies a woman of character, love and spirituality.  She is a super woman!

So what is my point? We ought not to underestimate ourselves and give away our dignity and love to a man who is unworthy of our love, because he refuses to love us back.  We should be mindful of being a wife to a man who only wants to gratify his selfish needs.  Instead, expect the man of your dreams to honor you as the leading lady and treat you as such.  Expect love and commitment and do not settle for someone who has baggage from his previous relationship(s) or other life challenges.  Do what is required to free yourself from a toxic relationship or toxic thinking.

What is toxic thinking? Toxic thinking is steeped in negative affirmations about yourself, your situation, life in general, and the belief that nothing good will EVER happen to you.  Therefore, you feel compelled to take whatever you can get.  Toxic thinking and behavior allows us to blindly go along with the flow of a bad relationship until something shocking wakes us from our slumber.  Toxic thinking like so many others things is a choice.  Choose to believe the best for yourself and have faith that good things and/or a great relationship is for you.  Great relationships happen in real life too, not just the movies.

Great relationships begin with being what your desire. Work on loving and respecting yourself as the awesome woman G-d has designed, and then expect the highest form of good in your life. Holiday Discovery is letting go of the negative and embracing the positive experiences of the present. So, what will you choose and what actions will you take? 

 

Just Musing!

Dr. Dee

Interested in learning more about ridding yourself of toxic thinking? Let me recommend, Dr. Caroline’s Leaf book: Switch On Your Brain. I would love to hear your thoughts on this book.

 

By Design – Hello World!

Loving Others, Marketing Sense, , , , , , , , , , ,

Just Musing!

Well, hello to you! I am ready to dazzle, impress and/or bore you with my musings about whatever I feel like expressing! There are so many bloggers out there you could be reading right now, but know, I am so glad you decided to rest your eyes on my blog and open your mind and heart with me. I enjoy writing and spent most of my college career writing (most students do); and I continue to journal on a consistent basis.  Blogging is another way for me to express myself, share some exciting news with you, make some new friends, and have some fun doing one of the things I enjoy.

I guess you are wondering by now, who is this and why should I care? My name is DD, short for Dr. Dee. I was born in Oakland, California and grew up in the Berkeley/Oakland area. I lived there for many years until I went to college in San Jose, California and finally settled in San Jose with my family. I moved around living in various places in northern California, Colorado Springs and I moved to Georgia in 1999 in an area about 20 miles east of Atlanta. Once I moved to Georgia, (talk about culture shock), I finished obtaining my graduate degrees as a full educator raising a family.  I am the mother of 3 adult children with 3 grandsons, and currently, I am still an Educator, Entrepreneur, and hopefully retiring soon as a successful blogger! LOL…no seriously!

I came from humble beginnings and the first in my family to obtain a doctorate degree.  And, though, I have several letters behind my name, which impresses many, if not most people, these letters really indicate that I am a doer…one who completes tasks! I am truly a hard worker, fiercely loyal which has proven detrimental at times, but I love being who I am as I continue to grow.  I am grateful for my family and friends who find me adorable, and support my efforts. But, most of all, I am grateful to our Creator who gives me life, and life abundantly!

So, why am I writing this blog? I write to each of you who finds a nugget of truth, challenge, encouragement and/or love to help you travel this path we call life.   Let me challenge you this week to look for good in someone who grates your soul and then challenge yourself to get over it!

Just Musing!

dd